Posted on 10/09/2007 5:55:50 AM PDT by reaganaut1
Even now, at 81 and with her memory beginning to fade, Gloria Donadello recalls her painful brush with bigotry at an assisted-living center in Santa Fe, N.M. Sitting with those she considered friends, “people were laughing and making certain kinds of comments, and I told them, ‘Please don’t do that, because I’m gay.’”
The result of her outspokenness, Ms. Donadello said, was swift and merciless. “Everyone looked horrified,” she said. No longer included in conversation or welcome at meals, she plunged into depression. Medication did not help. With her emotional health deteriorating, Ms. Donadello moved into an adult community nearby that caters to gay men and lesbians.
“I felt like I was a pariah,” she said, settled in her new home. “For me, it was a choice between life and death.”
Elderly gay people like Ms. Donadello, living in nursing homes or assisted-living centers or receiving home care, increasingly report that they have been disrespected, shunned or mistreated in ways that range from hurtful to deadly, even leading some to commit suicide.
Some have seen their partners and friends insulted or isolated. Others live in fear of the day when they are dependent on strangers for the most personal care. That dread alone can be damaging, physically and emotionally, say geriatric doctors, psychiatrists and social workers.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
If you were to confess to those around you that you were a pedophile, or liked having sex with wild animals, and suddenly they decided they no longer liked you, whose fault is that? There is a lot to be said for the days in which people were ashamed of their sins and either gave them up or kept them to themselves.
“at that age, they simply don’t care what or who you are anymore.”
Besides, even if they did care, they can’t remember. ;-)
Well boo hoo hoo
That said, when I think of the four guys from my high school/college days who "went over to play for the other team", I really feel sorry for them. Every one from a broken home with either an overbearing or an absent father, they are completely and totally self-centered. I have watched "the LifeStyle" overtake every facet of their being, until they were no longer singers who happened to be Gay, or Liberals who happened to be Gay, or college-graduates who happened to be Gay...they are GAYs who have nothing in their lives that does not center on being GAY. You cannot make any kind of observation on what they have done in life, without them viewing it as REALLY being about them being GAY. It is a totally self-centered lifestyle for those who have nothing else on their plate except "LOOK AT ME! VALIDATE ME! AGREE WITH ME!"
That said, I feel such sorrow for them, because they are going to be sad, old queens with nothing to hold onto. The depth of being that comes from making real sacrifices will never be theirs, because they are the center of their Universe, with only them on the throne of the Almighty. (One guy I knew, I assured that he was smart, well-read, and a nice guy, but that I disagreed with his choices and I thought God had something better for him. He told me he "never wanted to be preached to again" and I was assured that he would take out a restraining order if I ever contacted him again. And yet, I am sure that in his mind, I 'abandoned him.")
It is kind of like warning your friend that putting his face in a glass furnace would be a Bad Idea, only to be reassured that you are a small-minded bigot from the Midwest...and then to watch your friend stick his face in a glass furnace.
It is a sad lifestyle that consumes everything in its path.
You know, the arguement is always framed in that tone, angry or afraid, which immediately attacks the viewer as being either hateful or fearful. I am neither. What I would feel would be sadness and pity. If someone wants to name call me, let them call me not bigot or homophobe...but the One who Pities.
That is clearly true. Also, In your eighties you are probably not involved in sex anymore so you are not straight or gay, you're just old.
You cannot legislate that people “accept” someone who defines themself by their behavior. They are free to engage in that behavior, and others are free to find that behavior repugnant.
They should not be mistreated by staff, but you cannot mandate that other residence decide whether or not to befriend them.
Sometimes - when I am walking with one my adult daughters and she puts her arm around me in a hug or if we are holding hands in those treasured loving mother-daughter moments, I have "felt" people looking at us.
I have concluded that sometimes I am getting "stares" that we may be May-December lesbians. We are smiling and enjoying the moments as they occur on our mother-daughter outings and I "feel" stares as some people we pass appear uncomfortable.
Maybe your sister reaches the point when she almost uses her outings as a lesson to the community around her showing everyone her tolerance and displaying her interracial lesbian relationship.
“report that they have been disrespected, shunned or mistreated in ways that range from hurtful to deadly, even leading some to commit suicide.”
Must have been hard getting those reports from those who committed suicide...
Do I hear the sound of one toe tapping?
Whatever her sexual orientation, your sister sounds like an admirable person. You have every right to be proud of her.
“I agree - and she is a very rare exception to the homosexual lifestyle...”
I wouldn’t worry too much about it...They are rare...
Life expectancy is 49.
That is the most delightfully politically incorrect thing ever...
Well said, and in consonance with your screename!
I can see her claiming to have been one, but er use of the present tense is really creepy.
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