Avoiding Kids: How Men Cope With Being Cast as Predators

Wall Street Journal ^ | September 6, 2007 | JEFF ZASLOW

[decimon]

These days, if Rian Romoli accidentally bumps into a child, he quickly raises his hands above his shoulders. "I don't want to give even the slightest indication that any inadvertent touching occurred," says Mr. Romoli, an economist in La Cañada Flintridge, Calif.

Ted Wallis, a doctor in Austin, Texas, recently came upon a lost child in tears in a mall. His first instinct was to help, but he feared people might consider him a predator. He walked away. "Being male," he explains, "I am guilty until proven innocent."

In San Diego, retiree Ralph Castro says he won't allow himself to be alone with a child -- even in an elevator.

Cont...

[Ptarmigan]

I hate pedophiles and sex perverts like the next person. They should all be executed. It's a sad state that America has to be in. I avoid children because of it. When I was a child, it was a lot differently. Sadly during my childhood, this is when all this stupidity happened. This whole thing started in the 1980s when some children claimed they were molested at a daycare center in California. It turned out false because those children were told to say they were molested even though they were not. The prosecutor should be prosecuted like what happened to Mike Nifong. Sex perverts have always been around, they just get more attention. The truth is, most child molestations are committed by people they know, usually a family member, relative, or friend. It's rarely a stranger, which gets the most attention. Of course, pedophiles need to rot in Hell. It also happened when that whole Satanic cult hysteria occurred. Wikipedia-Kern County Child Abuse Case

[Ptarmigan]

Uh, there are ptarmigans up there. They don’t need to deal with more garbage, the other being bunny rabbits and seagulls.

[gracesdad]

“They said they avert their eyes when kids are around, or think twice before holding even their own children’s hands in public.”

Oh give me a break. This is irrational hysteria.

[decimon]

Lest you be accused of vampirism. Makes sense.

[Scotswife]

You missed the whole point of my comments.
Your arguing against statements I never made.

[Scotswife]

” If you want to stop the murder of children (and abuse), then you have to look at what is going on in reality.”

You are missing my point.

while stopping the murders of children is certainly a noble cause, that is not what I was addressing.

The topic I was addressing is the fear - and why it exists.

everyone knows there are idiot parents abusing their own children.
But when it comes to what we fear most FOR OUR OWN children - it would have to be kidnapping, rape, and murder.

[Scotswife]

“I was at my brothers recently, the local tomboy, a very pretty and spunky 12 year old, always wants to come play with his young daughter. I thought it was cute, he looked at me like I was nuts, he said that she isn’t allowed in the yard unless the front door is open and his wife is at “

Yes..it’s very sad.
My husband is in a similar situation at work.
He won’t meet with females of any age without his door open and his secretary present.

[Scotswife]

“These family members who fear rape or kidnap need to not look at the man who helps their son dry his hands in the Wal Mart rest room or the man who takes their daughter to the lost and found—they need to look within their own circle—at their husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, etc. “

True..and of course most people would regard this as private family matters, and most people have absolutely nothing to fear from the men in their families.

So - for most people, the bogeyman is the creep online posing as a kid - or the freak in the white truck waiting for a little boy to take a bike ride.

[Scotswife]

“Paranoia and fear are not required when keeping children safe. Keep your children safe and stop looking at men as evil.”

I don’t look at men as evil.
You missed my point.

[Scotswife]

“Scotswife and some others seem to not see the damage caused to the fabric of society via this course of action which demonizes all men, “

once again my statements have been mischaracterized, and you have missed my point.
My posts have specifically stated I do not demonize all men.

[Scotswife]

you have missed my point.

If you cannot bother to read my posts and understand the statements then quit mischaracterizing my statements.

[IIntense]

And the vast majority of men would put themselves at great physical risk to stop them.

You spoke the truth with that statement. These men need to be applauded for their courage and caring.

...a younger sibling gave my leg a bear hug. The mother reacted as if I were a known pedophile.

Assuming you read her reaction correctly, she's the one with the hang-up. Yet, some tykes are a bit too friendly...they'd go with anyone! In this case, no problem with this hug, but they have to be taught not to express such affections to strangers. One poster told of some guy who puts his hands up in the air to avoid suspicion. It's a d*mn shame that a lot of fellows fear false accusations. They can ruin a decent man's life.

[Scotswife]

““If that weren’t true, the media wouldn’t be reporting it...” Really? So now the MSM are the bringers of truth? When did that happen? I must have missed that shift in reality.
Your point, based on the MSM, may be true, but I wouldn’t claim it to be so because of your source.”

are you suggesting that when the MSM reports that men are kidnapping, raping, and killing children, that is really a bunch of women?

Are you suggesting that when Dateline set up internet stings for perverts, that -really - a bunch of women showed up?

Are you suggesting that the MSM controls the data on sex offender lists nationwide?

are you suggesting that the police are lying when they say it’s mostly men who are responding to them online when they pose as kids?

Haven’t you been receiving notices in the mail when a sex offender moves into your neighborhood?
How many times have you seen a woman’s photo on those notices?

That is why the fear is there.
It isn’t the fault of the MSM, and it isn’t the fault of women.

Parents are MOST AFRAID of someone kidnapping, raping, and killing their child.

I am fully aware that most men are completely trustworthy.

I have not advocated demonizing all men.

My children have a great deal of contact with many men who are not their father - I just make sure we know them well.

I do not send them into public restrooms alone.
They go with another brother or their father - afterall, Senator Craig may be in there (yes - I’m only kidding)

I teach them to be polite and respectful.
I have not taught them to fear men.

I HAVE taught them to never walk up close to a car if someone (male or female) stops to ask them questions.

I HAVE taught them to never walk away with a stranger even if they want to show them a puppy or buy them ice cream (I bet my 6 yr. old still would anyway - say “ice cream” and he’ll do anything)

They have contact with priests despite the fear that is out there because of that scandal.

The Church has responded by making sure there are always at least 2 adults present during activities involving children.
This protects the kids and also the priest from false accusations.

While everyone here is hellbent on mischaracterizing me as some whacko - my POINT is that the FEAR is based on statistics. THE FEAR is not because of the MSM, or because women are bitches.
That was the point I first responded to.

[Scotswife]

uh...guess you missed my point entirely.

[Scotswife]

“The difference here is that men who do NOT abuse children will overwhelmingly, unfailingly and unequivocally condemn ANYONE who abuses children. - rlmorel”

well that’s good to hear, because one reason I responded earlier was due to the fact I saw people blaming the MSM or bitchy women.

I thought it was similar to how muslims blame the MSM or christians.

But it’s good to see your post.

[Scotswife]

“Sure, I’m also worried about damaging my daughters psychologically by making them scared of men. Therefore, I teach them about situations to avoid and how to judge people.”

I also teach them about situations to avoid and how to judge people.
Please show me the post where I advocated doing anything that would psychologically damage my kids?

“I understand you have boys. How scared should girls be of them based on their proclivity (as males) to commit heinous crimes? Do you teach them to help if a child is lost? Should the child run away from them for safety?”

This question only shows you missed my point.

And no...the sisters are not afraid of their brothers.

[IIntense]

The discussion relates to men getting a bad rap. Just a couple of examples given:

Child advoates are advising parents never to hire a male baby sitter...and airlines are placing unaccompanied minors with female passengers.

Thus began more comments on babysitters (just one situation in which people should, or shouldn't, trust males.) It's not the subject; it's only one example noted. And, yes, you're right that I focused on this also. My intention was to say why it doesn't make a difference. Every situation is not like another and people's lives and choices change over time, due to circumstances.

I'll say again, use good, common sense and one's gut feeling.

That's all I have to say about babysitters.

[rlmorel]

"...I do not demonize all men..."

Not by your words, perhaps, and I am guessing certainly not intentionally, but by your actions in the eyes of your children and any other children. They understand fully the message you send.

I understand you have the best interests of your children at heart, and I am not accusing you of hating men. I am not even accusing you of being hateful.

I simply think that it is a terrible mistake to send the message to children that any kind of interaction with solitary adult men must be avoided at all costs unless there is another adult present. You are "playing the odds" in an effort to protect your children, encouraging others to do the same, but at what cost?

As an exercise to illustrate this point and to demonstrate how wrong I think you are (in my opinion), let me do a substitution.

Black men and crime...a disproportionally high percentage of violent crime is caused by black men between the ages of 16 and 45. Black men who do not commit violent crimes will unfailingly speak out against those who do...you cannot tell one kind from another (unless you count the wearing of gang garb)

Would you counsel children to never to speak with black men just "playing the odds"?

[Scotswife]

I haven’t told my kids not to speak to men -or to black men.

Really....you assume too much about someone you do not know.

[durasell]

Black men who do not commit violent crimes will unfailingly speak out against those who do...you cannot tell one kind from another (unless you count the wearing of gang garb)

---

That untrue. You can absolutely tell (with a fair degree of accuracy) the bad guys from the good. Any city kid knows that.