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Why I Left My Beta Husband
MSN Lifestyle ^ | August 2007 | Amy Brayfield

Posted on 08/29/2007 2:18:39 AM PDT by Caipirabob

A few years ago, my husband, Mark, and I were at one of those hip downtown restaurants sipping mojitos and nibbling on lime-spiked seviche when one of my bosses appeared from a cloud of Cuban-cigar smoke and patted my shoulder. When I introduced him to Mark, he naturally asked what he did for a living. We both froze.

"I do some freelancing," Mark said.

"He studied film at NYU," I said at the same time.

Mark looked at me and shrugged. "I stay home with our daughter," he said, as my colleague quietly balked.

"He makes it possible for me to do my job," I said, laughing. But inside, I was mortified. Technically, I had it all back then, including a gorgeous toddler and a cool job.

What I didn't have was a husband I felt proud of.

(Excerpt) Read more at lifestyle.msn.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Unclassified
KEYWORDS: divorce; feminism; marriage; narcissism; narcissist; relationships
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To: Caipirabob
I envisioned us as hard-core academics, reading passages from Joyce to each other while I put together a fancy dinner of organic rutabaga soup with apple crème fraîche swirls on top.

Could she be any more pretentious? I'm surprised she was able to find any men willing to put up with her self-important pomposity.

161 posted on 08/29/2007 6:50:39 AM PDT by Sicon
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To: B-Chan

And people wonder why American men marry Asian women...

-

So true.

“Feminists” are for some reason, embarrassed by femininity.


162 posted on 08/29/2007 6:50:53 AM PDT by Cringing Negativism Network (Communist China: Walmart's answer to that pesky 13th Amendment.)
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Comment #163 Removed by Moderator

To: Caipirabob
Incredibly sad.
..all about ME ME ME!
164 posted on 08/29/2007 6:52:21 AM PDT by Guenevere (Duncan Hunter...President '08)
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To: trussell

I would add that if you want a traditional family life — dad working 9 to 5, mom at home with the kids, etc. etc. — then NYC isn’t the place to find it. It’s a very competitive place and if you want to play with the big boys, then you better be prepared to give 100%, which doesn’t leave much for family life.


165 posted on 08/29/2007 6:53:56 AM PDT by durasell (!)
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To: Caipirabob
Career oriented, goal driven and fierce competitors in the corporate world. And Alone...a point that strikes as obvious on any given company event or outing. To be honest, I pity them and it's very sad. To work so hard and then to look back on your life and realize that you wanted something else? Feminism has been very cruel to these women. It's heartbreaking.

Feminism is a perfect example of the law of unintended consequences. Any woman between 35 and 50 can tell you that.

I fell for it too, which is why at 38 I'm likely to remain childless.
166 posted on 08/29/2007 6:55:21 AM PDT by Xenalyte (Can you count, suckas? I say the future is ours . . . if you can count.)
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To: Caipirabob

‘Here’s the difference, though: Jason knows what he wants—and it’s not a corner office. He wants to have his afternoons free to hit the park with my daughter or paint or translate the writings of Pablo Neruda.’

Here’s the similiarity. Two weak men knew where to find YOU.

(chuckle)


167 posted on 08/29/2007 6:55:43 AM PDT by Badeye (You know its a kook site when they ban the word 'kook')
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To: normy
"He said ‘good looking’. I saw your photo on your page, better you went on down to Louisiana.LOL"

My momma loves me, that's all that counts! ;-)

168 posted on 08/29/2007 6:59:04 AM PDT by avacado
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To: durasell

They seem to have been doing just fine financially. They were out playing around, eating at a place her bosses were comfortable at. Doesn’t sound as though the finances were a problem.

Since she got another man, just like the first (except he isn’t the natural daddy to the little one), that makes your point mute...doesn’t it?


169 posted on 08/29/2007 7:02:47 AM PDT by trussell (Prayer is good for the soul)
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To: durasell
I got out of grad school, worked my ass off in a cut throat field, advanced and had a kid. Hubby wasn’t getting with the program. Even though I set him up with numerous job interviews, nothing was good enough for him. So I dumped the do-nothing bum while I was still young enough to land something respectable.

...And furthermore, while I work my ass off all day, he can't even be bothered to do a load of laundry, change the baby's clothes or cook something for dinner!

She pretty much married a "man-boy" who is still living like a college slacker wearing ratty clothes and long hair. For crying out loud, he majored in film-making and he's entitled to a job in this highly competitive field!

Unfortunately for her, she claims she wants a "real" man and then traded college slacker-boy in for another model of the same.

170 posted on 08/29/2007 7:06:20 AM PDT by Drew68
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To: Xenalyte
Xenalyte, you seem to be a cute girl. Do you have certain standards physically that must be met?

The reason I ask is that my sister in law is 34 and is having a hard time meeting guys. She is cute and in shape but her standards are pretty high compared to her situation.

171 posted on 08/29/2007 7:06:36 AM PDT by normy (Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.)
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To: durasell
“So I dumped the do-nothing bum while I was young enough to land something respectable.”

The irony of the story is that she “landed” (read: “chose”)yet another loser whom she will likely soon tire of, as before.

172 posted on 08/29/2007 7:09:22 AM PDT by riverdawg
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To: trussell

The subtext of the story — in the first few paragraphs — is that the first husband didn’t suit her job.

I would guess that they weren’t “out playing around,” but at a business dinner.

Also note — you don’t get to keep the kind of job she has/had forever. You don’t get to keep it for more than a couple years, then you’re either moved up or out.

With some of these jobs it’s very tough stuff. You either have the whole package or you’re toast.


173 posted on 08/29/2007 7:11:17 AM PDT by durasell (!)
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To: Drew68; riverdawg

I would bet dollars to donuts that hubby #2 is more “business friendly” and ready for primetime.


174 posted on 08/29/2007 7:13:32 AM PDT by durasell (!)
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To: Caipirabob
Mark looked at me and shrugged. "I stay home with our daughter," he said, as my colleague quietly balked. "He makes it possible for me to do my job," I said, laughing. But inside, I was mortified. Technically, I had it all back then, including a gorgeous toddler and a cool job. What I didn't have was a husband I felt proud of.

You, ma'am, I would never have married. You have ZERO spirituality, ZERO gratitude, 100% judgement, and are so riddled with character defects that I need to go through all 12 Steps again just to rid myself of the icky feeling I have now.

Divorce this man. Let him have a chance at finding a good woman.

175 posted on 08/29/2007 7:14:09 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: kingu

Femisists keep selling, and sadly too many women keep buying...

Of the thirty something never married professional (supposedly have it all) women I know, not a damned one of them is happy.

Yes, they have the clothes, the big salary, toys, money in the bank, go out partying every weekend.... but when you talk to them in depth about anything... there is nothing there. They are emotional wrecks under the window dressing.

Now I am sure there are some truly happy ones out there, but I have yet to meet any of them.

And whats sadder, are the 40 somethings who shared this view, and are still single, or if they were married never had children and are divorced, and now biology has ended their time to have kids, and they realize what they have missed.

Gripe that no good men are available, they are either divorced with kids, or completely insane.. which frankly if a guys a good guy, in general most of them will have been married by the time they are 40...

I just personally avoid women like this altogether. If your desire is not to be a wife and mother full time, and only will not do so if it is impossible financially, then as far as I’m concerned, your world view and priorities are just not right, and I want no part of you.


176 posted on 08/29/2007 7:15:43 AM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: ArrogantBustard

Its a rum based drink.

An easy mojito cocktail recipe to liven up your evening:

1.5 oz Rum
12 fresh spearmint leaves
1/2 lime
7 oz club soda
2 tbsp. simple syrup
(or 4 tsp. sugar)

For the smoothest majitos, gently crush mint leaves and lightly squeeze lime in a cool tall glass. Pour sweet syrup on top to cover and fill glass with ice. Add Rum, club soda, and stir your emerging mojito well. Garnish with a lime wedge, a few sprigs of mint.


177 posted on 08/29/2007 7:17:35 AM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: visualops

“She doesn’t realize her major malfunction is she’s exceedingly shallow and self-centered.”

Good point. Her shallow self-centeredness makes her believe that she should write about her thoughts and choices without considering how she sounds or the values she is exposing. I bet her ex-husband choked when he read this. Maybe, except for the child, he breathed a sigh of relief at getting away from her narcissism.


178 posted on 08/29/2007 7:21:20 AM PDT by outinyellowdogcountry
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To: Thrownatbirth

As a side, are you a Steely Dan fan?


179 posted on 08/29/2007 7:22:14 AM PDT by stevio ((NRA))
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To: caver

Just watch some TV, and you’ll see it everywhere. Sitcoms, commercials, reality tv, home improvement, etc.


180 posted on 08/29/2007 7:24:41 AM PDT by ItsOurTimeNow (FR Member ItsOurTimeNow: Declared Anathema by the Council of Trent)
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