I've seen Dave Attell perform twice at Carolines in New York. A fine comedian, who, despite being Jewish, could easily pass for an Arab over there.
Funniest comic I ever saw live was Sam Kinison. A damn shame to be a victim of self-imposed hard living, as he would likely have been over there entertaining the troops himself.
Comic On duty...World Tour
Comic On duty...World Tour ^ | Steve Eblin
http://209.157.64.200/focus/f-news/1049017/posts
September 4, 2003
My name is Steve Eblin, and I’m waiting to go to Afghanistan. No, I’m not a soldier or a reporter. I’m a comedian, part of the “Comics On Duty World Tour” that leaves today for a three-week tour of war torn areas in Afghanistan and the Middle East. Comedy in the Middle East? You bet; where else in the world is drinking beer considered a one-way ticket to hell, but strapping a bomb to your chest and walking into a supermarket is admirable? Funny folks over there, for sure.
I’m known as “The Star Spangled Comic,” and along with 4 other funnymen – Don Barnhart, Mike Burton, Kevin Jordan, and Steve Mazan – I will be entertaining military personnel in countries such as Afghanistan, Pakistan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, and many other places too poor to afford vowels. For three weeks we’ll tour the large bases and the mobile units, the port cities and the desert outposts, letting the brave men and women in uniform know that the vast majority of us back in The United States support them 100%. In our own way, through our God-given skills as comics, we’ll be letting them know that there is no “divide” in America, and that the morons who carried around signs at the protests reading “We support our troops…when they shoot their officers” are a small, idiotic micro-minority of degenerates who don’t shower nearly enough.
At this moment I’m waiting at O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, gate 18A. Gate 18A is filled with an interesting cross section of humanity waiting to board United flight 940 to Frankfurt, Germany; families with strollers, soldiers in fatigues, German citizens returning home. I sit among these folks, watching and listening to their anticipation, wondering what’s waiting for all of them at the end of flight 940. A family reunion? An overseas military assignment, meaning 18 months away from family? Long, lonely nights in a variety of German bars, wondering how far the drive is to Amsterdam? I don’t know. I only know that waiting for me are at the end of flight 940 (and my subsequent connecting flights) is a group of dedicated Americans in uniform who are tired and in need of entertainment in the form of poop jokes. At least that’s what I hope they want, because that’s what they’re going to get.
As I sit here I’m filled with excitement and anxiety. Not the normal airport anxiety, wondering how that $9 hot dog and $6 Coke will affect my trip budget. No, this is the anxiety of heading into the unknown; I’ve done thousand of comedy shows in my career, and I routinely put 50,000 miles per year on my car, but this trip will be different. The shows themselves I’m not worried about, because a show is a show is a show; it’s the realization that I’m not going to Missouri for this series of performances that’s having an effect. Holy granola, I’m going to Afghanistan; it’s that place on TV. You know the one, where the bad things happen? Not that I’m concerned about my safety – because I’m not – but the reality of it is setting in. One wrong turn in Sioux City means a few minutes out of your life; one wrong turn in Uzbekistan and…..I try not to think about it. The excitement is what I concentrate on, because it truly is the opportunity of a lifetime. It’s a chance to follow in the footsteps of the legendary Bob Hope, as well as the thousands of other entertainers who have given their time over the years; the chance to deliver a personal thank you the men and women whose very lives make up the blanket of my freedom. It’s an opportunity to see parts of the planet that all of those academic types prattle on and on about - in haughty and arrogant terms - without ever having set foot there. It’s the chance to see firsthand just how much truth and/or garbage the media is sending back. It’s the chance to see it for myself, and make an opinion more informed that most other people.
Plus, it’s the chance to tell “Anna Nicole Smith is fat” jokes on an entirely different continent. As a comic, there’s no way I could pass that up.
(snip)
