Posted on 06/19/2007 9:37:24 PM PDT by Mr. Silverback
Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.
On Friday I discussed the sexual and spiritual wasteland where so many of our kids have ended up. And they don’t even know how they got there or how to get out. Today I want to talk about how parents—and especially dads—can combat that culture.
The truth is, contrary to what the media tells you, dads do matter.
As Dr. Meg Meeker puts it in her new book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, “Most of you out there are good men . . . but you are good men who have been derided by a culture that does not care for you, that . . . has ridiculed your authority, denied your importance, and tried to fill you with confusion about your role. But I can tell you that fathers change lives, as my father changed mine.”
Well, Meeker is right.
Obviously dads are crucial to both their sons and their daughters, but Meeker focuses on daughters here. Like the journalist Laura Sessions Stepp, whom I mentioned on Friday, Meeker has seen a lot of girls stranded in the sexual wasteland. In her medical practice, Meeker has treated far too many of these young girls for sexually transmitted diseases, depression, eating disorders, and underage pregnancy.
And time and again, this doctor has found that the girls involved in damaging behaviors are the girls who don’t feel loved and valued by their fathers.
Fathers can ensure that their daughters grow up with healthy ideas about sexuality, Meeker writes. “If you as a father saw what I see every week in my medical practice, you would know what to do and you would succeed.”
You don’t have to be an expert on STDs, or anything else, to guide your daughter away from this wasteland. You just have to do your job as a dad. Talk to her, even when she doesn’t seem to be listening. Teach her about the God who loves her and made her. Set boundaries for her. Spend time with her. Listen to her. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal to us, but you wouldn’t believe the difference it makes to them.
One 16-year-old girl told Meeker that, when on the verge of sleeping with her boyfriend, she saw a ring on her hand that her father had given her, and that alone caused her to stop.
And a father’s influence has that kind of power, not just when it comes to sexual values, but in all areas of life. One young woman in the book started taking drugs and ran away at 16. It was only her father’s patient, persistent reaching out to her that finally brought her back home and turned her life around.
Hang in there and keep doing your job, Meeker urges fathers, even when your lot seems thankless. And in this culture, where dads are ignored, mocked, and even told they’re not needed, a dad’s role is bound to seem thankless sometimes.
But for our families’ sakes, we can’t let that deter us. Plug your ears against the culture and remember this: You matter.
Your children may not tell you that now, but their lives will always be a reflection of your love and commitment. You can take that to the bank.
If anyone wants on or off my Chuck Colson/BreakPoint Ping List, please notify me here or by freepmail.
BreakPoint/Chuck Colson Ping!
If anyone wants on or off my Chuck Colson/BreakPoint Ping List, please notify me here or by freepmail.
I’m living proof — my Dad was a strong WWII vet who is deeply committed to family. My handsome husband can tell you the result — I’m strong (but fair! :-) My main rule of the house is “No whining— fix it or nix it!”
Ping!
Hey, it worked : )
How is biz? I hope well.
Much of my life hasn’t been what I would choose, but my daughter is a magnificent wife to my son in law, and a magnificent mother to my grandson, and somehow nothing else matters. You are only a failure if you fail your kids.
My kid keeps telling folks, “my daddy taught me that”, I reckon that is all the praise I need.
I don’t have a daughter - I have 2 sons. The oldest was taught that, before he asks a girl out on a date, he is to ask permission from the girl’s father. Many times, this will blow away the father. Other times, it is expected, though in these times this is the exception.
This process is essential. It sends a number of important messages:
I care about my daughters welfare - you had better as well.
It gives the daughter the opportunity to give HER OK to the suitor in question, or, she can inform her father that she is NOT interested. He then can pass the message along.
Any boy that has to go through this process is going to be on his best behavior.
Let’s face it men, you know what guys are after. So does the girl’s father.
This used to be the rule - in the old days, before the divorce rate was at 50%. Call it archaic or old fashioned, but, it worked.
Anytime a young man came a calling on my Mary, I always managed to be cleaning a shotgun on the table. My Mary never had to worry about what I would do, to any
SOB that ever hurt her. She still doesn’t have to worry.My kid was born in 1968, she may be older than you are.
Hell, long ago I used to date a girl, and every time I drove up in my 51 Plymouth Cranbrook, her daddy would come out with a flashlight, and check the tread on my tires. I spent a lot of time digging around for used tires with tread still on them.
Right now I have a normally horny 15 year old grandson, all I can tell him is, you make it, you are gonna feed it, and change it’s little shitty britches, it is yours until Hell freezes over.
Paisan, I am older and tougher than you are.
Well, I’m as old as your Plymouth Cranbrook but I wish I WAS younger than your daughter.
Dads put a lot of stock in the car that picks up their daughter. I know because my 61 Falcon was always the object of ridicule and a few times I was advised to take her father’s car instead. And tires? It was YEARS before I had a car that had 4 matching tires - with tread.
Bias Ply.
No kid knows what they are anymore...
I brought my daughter and younger son from war torn (Civil War) Colombia a few years ago.
I love both of the children with all my heart.
They love me and it makes my heart glad.
My daughter calls me poppy and my son calls me Mr. Numb Butt when he is very angry.
As far as I am concerned the feminazis can take a hike right off the face of the earth.
I am an older father, to old some say, but anyway my children love me and it certainly makes me feel younger than the old Baby Boom I am really.
Any one that says having children during retirement is crazy can go jump off the cliff.
I would not trade my retirement of raising these two young people for all the money in the world.
Just sign me red state wannabe with young children keeping me young.
BreakPoint/Chuck Colson Ping! Amen.
Besides the four boys I already had I took in and cared for four other youngsters who had lost their parents or way along the line.
Two of the four took my last name as theirs after a considerable time.
Those two young people Roberto and Juan Miguel turned into good citizens working in the construction industry as carpenters and eventually as contractors in Hays, Kansas area.
They came from illegal immigrant parents whose folks both died an left them to the mercy of a non caring welfare system.
I love them like the other five boys who are birthright children and we all never speak of whence they came.
My children were taught at an early age that no matter what kind of work you do in life it is to be treated with utmost dignity and honor by each other.
I have one son with a PHD in Opera Performance from a New England School who performs on Broadway and is in the in crowd with everyone you read about in People Magazine.
Another two sons are housing contractors in Oklahoma city and they love what they do.
When we rarely all get together it is odd that no one mentions the others station in life.
These two youngsters I have now have stolen my heart and it makes me young just to have them around.
I am the only father they have ever known and it makes me feel so wanted and needed when they come to me for little things like tying shoes or treating a scrapped arm or asking about friends.
Gee, thanks but I have to stop before exposing myself.
Thanks for your comment.
Since I am a female, I'd like to point out that this statement is very, very true
And time and again, this doctor has found that the girls involved in damaging behaviors are the girls who don’t feel loved and valued by their fathers.
We worship our father in the beginning. The wrong word at a certain age can shatter a girl's confidence. Especially if it is about herself.
But, I also believe it applies to sons as well.
After all....A father teaches his son(s) & daughter(s) what a husband and father is suppose to be like. Just as the mother teaches what a wife and mother are like.
Here's another thing I've thought about as well. The courts have caused a lot of absentee fathers. By imposing high child support costs on men, without consideration of whether the man will have enough money left over to live on, causes many of those fathers who want to be responsible to flee. IMO. The courts need to reconsider how they charge men who want to be part of their child's life.
And, I don't particularly like the idea that the "soon-to-be-ex" gets the money. Too many angry and mean women out in the world.
Some one out there needs to work on these issues and it might help keep men in their children's life.
Thanks for bringing this article to light.
Look at Anna Nicole Smith. The old man was sought for his money but later there was genuine affection. He served more as a father figure. Her Dad wasn’t present when she was growing up and being exploited. She didn’t have a Daddy to protect her from exploiters and know the difference.
I adore my husband and my daughter adores her Daddy.
It is beautiful to see how they interact with each other.
I have 4 sons. What a great idea! I’ll have to pass that along. My eldest is 15 and, thus far, has just done the group socializing. Once he gets his driver’s license and does real dating, that would be a good tactic.
As a father of 3 girls whom I love very much I am grateful for people like you who are raising their sons to respect women, and I hope when the time comes to marry they find sons like yours.
I am quite worried that few young men are being taught to be gentlemen and that they wont find suitable spouses.
So your post and a couple of others here give me hope in that regard.
Im raising them to love God and let their husband lead.
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