Posted on 05/11/2007 9:18:14 PM PDT by teldon30
One of the more delicate areas I dealt with while running a dating service for more than two decades was the issue of race, and more specifically racial stereotyping by prospective members.
Stereotyping in itself is a volatile issue, and at some point during intake interviews, I often repeated the phrase “While there is some truth to all stereotypes, there are certainly many exceptions to every single one.”
However, when one is dealing with a sample of more than 20,000 single, divorced, and widowed men and women, I feel confident and comfortable making certain statements in a column titled The Truth about Dating.
Yet I was still hesitant to write this column, until a reader sent me an article from The New York Times, in which the author, John Tierney, published a story about racial preferences in the dating world.
Moreover, the article cited a study titled Racial Preferences in Dating that documented the preferences of more than 400 participants in speed dating sessions at Columbia University. A quick reading of both the Times article and the Columbia study seemed to support my own anecdotal findings.
(Unfortunately while reading the Columbia study I was overcome by the academic verbiage that authors of such studies feel compelled to use. Do they teach “Boring Writing 101” at Ivy League institutions of higher learning? I found it impossible to read more than a few pages without getting a headache. Here is a sample sentence: “Rates of inter-racial marriages thus capture both preferences and socio-geographic segregation.” Huh?)
Anyway, here is what I found in 23 years of interviewing singles, and I will attempt to communicate in my best “non-academic” language. When we interviewed prospective members, we always asked what their preferences were in terms of meeting people of different races.
Overall, women of most races preferred to meet men of their own race. Most Caucasian women wanted only to meet Caucasian men, the exceptions being women who were more educated and well-traveled, who considered themselves somewhat “worldly.”
Of all the races, African-American women were the most insistent about wanting to meet only African-American men. But most of those women excluded black men who had recently moved to New England from Africa or the Caribbean.
The one major exception to the finding that women wanted to meet men of their own race was Asian women, a vast majority of whom stated that they strongly preferred meeting non-Asian men.
The primary explanation offered by most Asian women was that they wanted to be matched with tall men, and they insisted that practically all of the Asian men they knew were short. But when I would ask if they would be willing to meet an Asian man if he were tall, most would simply shake their head and say they would rather not.
And what about Indian women? To be honest the sample of Indian women who joined my dating service more than 23 years was too small to determine any general statements about them.
As for men, overall they were far more open to meeting women of other races. In fact, and I find this especially interesting, the race of women most in demand were, you guessed it, Asian women. Therefore, almost all of the Asian women in my dating service had a very high Dating Quotient.
When I asked men to explain their preferences for Asian women, many shrugged and admitted they were just extremely attracted to them. But I also believe that many of these men, consciously or subconsciously, wanted to meet women who fit the stereotype of the submissive “Geisha girl,” whose primary purpose is to entertain and please men.
Interestingly enough, though, most of the Asian women we interviewed could not have had personalities more opposite than that passive stereotype. Many had Ph.Ds., M.D.s, or law degrees, and were extremely assertive. (Especially when I tried in vain to persuade them to consider meeting Asian men!)
Unfortunately for African-American women, most of the African-American men who joined stated a strong preference for meeting either white or Asian women. Many expressed the identical view, “I don’t have to join a dating service to meet women of my own race.”
The two groups of men who were the most difficult to match (and therefore had the lowest DQ) were Asian men and Indian men. Like African men, this was especially true of Asian and Indian men who had grown up overseas and relocated to New England, usually to pursue careers either in computer science or medicine. In a few cases I could persuade women to meet men of different races, IF the men were totally “Americanized.”
Of course Asian men were difficult to match because, as I previously stated, the one group of women who did not want to meet men of their own race was Asian women.
As for Indian men, they were the hardest people to match of any group of men or women of any race. And, with so many Indian men moving into the Boston area for jobs in high tech, rarely a week passed without several inquiries from men from India or Pakistan.
One reason they were difficult to match is that only a handful of Indian women joined over the decades, compared to hundreds of Indian or Pakistani men. But another is that many women, even the self-described “worldly” ones, expressed the stereotypical belief that Indian men had antiquated views of women.
To some extent, these women were correct. For example, of all the men I spoke with who wanted to meet women much younger than themselves, the largest group was, in fact, Indian men. Many told me that it was quite common back “home” for men to date and marry women at least a decade younger than themselves. And they wondered why they could not do the same here … which further lowered their DQ.
So that is the story from my own anecdotal experiences. Again, I am sure there are exceptions to every statement I made in this column. On the other hand, if you want “scientific” proof of what I am stating, just Google and download a copy of Columbia University’s Racial Preferences in Dating study.
But I suggest that if you do, make sure you have a bottle of aspirin nearby.
At least everyone with his dating service got the gender thing right
My ex-wife is black, and aside from a latent moonbat crazy streak that ultimately made us incompatible, was a great catch. Beautiful, sharp as a tack, funny, educated, and family-oriented. She was kind of a lone wolf, and didn't really care what other black or white people thought, but I imagine it would have been a lot harder for her if she did. Ditto for me, I'm not trying to fit anyone's sterotype. Probably part of the attraction.
But your overall point is right, to the point that I could write a book on the subject. It was far more common for us to see white women with black guys, and their dynamic seemed different than ours. They seemed a lot more cognizant of biased cultural observations people made and sensitive to percieved slights. We took our fair share as well, but as far as we were concerned, it told more about the people making them then it did us. You can find love anywhere, just as you can find stupidity anywhere. ;-)
The one thing in this article I couldn’t agree with more is people who, ostensibly, are writing papers to describe and, again ostensibly, to explain things other people don’t already know, use a language inconducive to explaining things.
Unix man pages are a prime example of this.
I think there is often a suspicion that the white woman is with the black man for superficial reasons. Whether that’s a fair assumption or not, it’s a reason to look down on the couple — especially the woman — if one believes it.
Yep,some crazy ass sisters out there.What is so scary is that you see these attitudes in these young black women of high school age.Thats why I’m not big on jumping on these young black men for not wanting to get married.Not saying they shouldn’t be responsible about any children produced but the likelihood they will have suitable decent women of their own color for wives does not look good.
And don’t get me started on WHITE females.Got some stories from THAT side of town as well.I think if I had to do it over again I would probably seek out the senoritas.They seem to have the most common sense.
Be careful with all that....there’s some great gals in the philippines...there are also a lot of scam artist...just be careful.
Black women are hesitant to date white men because the common wisdom among them is that white guys generally only want them for sex and would never consider marrying them. I've heard this comment from numerous black women.
They obviously weren’t that distict. Gauls wore plaid kelts and played bagpipes.
I’m not tryin to convince you of anything. I’m just pointing out stupid remarks like some of the ones I saw on this thread. If you want to make stupid comments and expect not to be called out for them, go to a liberal site and post away.
But you bring up another topic that I feel strongly about. That is this nonsense more and more americans have about “being proud of one’s ancestry”. It is kinda stupid when you get down to it. We are americans. We are a heinz 57 mixture. Promoting pride in one’s ancestry is promoting balkanization and that is dangerous.
There’s nothing wrong with being aware of where you came from, but pride in what culture your great great grandparents were part of is just dumb. They are dead and gone and that culture that they were part of doesn’t exist any more I can take pride in being a midwesterner. I can take pride in being conservative, or the specific skill set I’ve aquired. But how can you take pride in who your long dead ancestors are who you never even met?
I happen to know that my genetic composition is primarily danish, dutch and german...with some english, irish, and native american. I feel absolutely no connection to any of those cultures or nations. I don’t fly a flag from any of those places like the mexicans and the italians seem to like to do. It’s stupid. It’s not an exclusive club, it’s just history.
In this country, you don't inherit your station in life. You work for it. That's the american way.
bump.
Around 10% of Filipinos are listed as Protestants (which include groups such as the Jehovah Witness-esque Iglesia ni Cristo). So, they’re rare, but not unheard of.
I married a Latina, and even before I met her, I always seemed to do much better with foreign women, regardless of where they were from.
I think a reason for that was because I knew about the world, and could easily talk to them about where they were from, that always impressed them, and that gave me an edge. There’s nothing that makes a better first impression than bringing up something about their country, and having them say in amazement, “How do you know that?!?!”
So if you want to hit it off with foreign chicks, study your history.
Thus a supposed 'mix' between one people group and another isn't bound to produce a markedly more intelligent child. However, as the Time magazine reporting freeper pointed out, the child, being closer to the actual racial average* could be perceived as more physically attractive.
*As there is only one genetic race of humanity--the human race; humans are not distinct enough to have races, or subspecies, of homo sapiens sapiens.
I didn’t know they were called hamburgers. Where did that come from? My son is going to be a hamburger?
No, no. It was a reference to Butters in South Park saying “Oh, hamburgers!” Note that I have been watching far too much South Park lately, since finals at U.Va. are now over.
I have been watching far too much South Park lately...
no you haven’t...you can never watch enough! ;)
enjoy!
Excuse me, I didn’t say anything stupid. Must be tough to be you, always misunderstanding everything you hear.
here.
Was going to post the picture of the cover for the link, but their Terms of Use seems pretty strict.
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