Posted on 03/26/2007 3:27:31 PM PDT by paltz
A cancer victim has accused his sister of condemning him to death by refusing to donate her bone marrow for a life-saving operation.
Father-of-three Simon Pretty is likely to die from leukaemia within months unless he receives a transplant.
His sister Helen, 43, is a perfect match but he says she has turned down the chance to save his life. Without the donation Mr Pretty – who has a rare tissue type – could be dead by the end of the year leaving his wife Jacqueline to raise their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six and Benjamin, three.
he human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire, is receiving aggressive chemotherapy in an attempt to stay alive long enough to find another donor.
What a donor has to go through Doctors have said that to have the best chance of survival he must find a match by the end of the summer.
He has already exhausted the UK bone marrow register and doctors are looking for a match from strangers on international databases.
"I am on death row," said Mr Pretty. "I can’t believe that she would let my three children lose their father so unnecessarily by her actions.
Helen Pretty has declined to comment "We found a prayer in Rebecca’s coat which said: 'Please don’t let my daddy die from cancer'. That brought tears to my eyes."
Helen Pretty’s Cheshire home is less than ten miles away from the British Transplantation Society which campaigns to promote organ and bone marrow donation.
Her brother claims she agreed to be a donor after he was first diagnosed with the rare cancer, acute promyelocytic leukaemia, in July 2004. He went into remission but then suffered a relapse in February by which time she had changed her mind, he says.
The pair have never been close although their children are similar ages and play together.
Mr Pretty’s wife Jacqueline said: "It is appalling that Helen can stand by and watch her brother die knowing that she could do something to help him. The past few months have been hell."
Mrs Pretty approached her sister-in-law in an attempt to change her mind but lost her temper and was eventually arrested. No charge was brought.
Jacqueline Pretty said: "She opened the front door halfway and I told her that things were desperate and the children thought their daddy was going to die. She said 'Sorry, I am not doing it'. I asked her to give me a reason and she said 'I am putting my family first'.
"I explained that there were no risks involved. I was so upset and I said, 'Don’t you care if your brother dies?' She said 'It’s very sad', and smirked."
The family then received a letter from his sister’s solicitor asking them to keep their distance.
Parent governor Helen, 43, declined to comment yesterday.
She runs a private education business from her £380,00 home in Wilmslow, Cheshire, which she shares with her partner and her daughter, eight, and son, three.
Mr Pretty, who has two masters degrees, is studying for a PhD in industrial relations while being treated in hospital.
He said: "The treatment is tough and it is tortuous to go on with, especially as it would be unnecessary had she come forward. I have had a skin full of chemotherapy and all the side effects but I have a young family and I have to keep my spirits up for them."
Mr Pretty said he hoped that his plight would highlight the lack of bone marrow donors in the UK. He added: "Some people do not have a family member who is a match, even one who will not co-operate."
A spokesman for the Anthony Nolan Trust, which has a database of potential UK bone marrow donors, said: "About 30 per cent of patients could get a match from their own family – usually siblings.
"The chance of finding a match outside of family is very small and there are never enough donors."
A less than exact bone marrow match has a smaller chance of beating the cancer.
Trust chief executive Dr Steve McEwan added: "As with any medical procedure there are risks. However, we are not aware of long-term side effects of the process of donating bone marrow. Donors describe it as a very positive experience."
I think I'm related to your doner.
Garlic and onions...mmmmm....
On my daily commute, I pass an onion-farmers'-drop-off point. I inhale and smile.
The hot stuff--I love it; but it doesn't love me. sigh...
oooo...it has butter in it.
That I could do.
"If it ain't fat, it ain't food."
(But then, so am I!!)
:-)
My change in taste certainly has helped to improve my cooking.
I'll try many more things now.
While I was in Seattle getting my transplant (Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center) I learned about the wonders of cumin.
I use it in almost all meat seasonings.
This guy must be a real winner. If this guy is going around talking the way he is about his sister it is no wonder his sister refuses to help. He would probably sue her if the transplant did not work.
That's what the martians say.
GOOD point.
I am signed up as an organ donor. I did so many years ago after publishing a story about a little boy who had to have a liver transplant.
My son-in-law died in 2004 from an aggressive form of leukemia (he also left a wife and three young children). He had one sibling, a sister, who went through testing to donate her bone marrow to him, but they were unable to use hers.
I won't need my organs after I have died, and I'd love for someone to have a chance to live with them.
Hey, it's her bone marrow. She can do with it as she wants. Accept her decision and face your future like a man.
And your point is?
Interesting tagline you have there, considering your comment.....
God bless your daughter she is a true hero.:)
If this guy talks about his sister this way when he needs something from her could you imagine what he says when he doen't?
I don't necessarily like what she's doing; I do recognize her right to do it. If you know you're going to die, then make an effort to die well.
Dying well means dying with dignity. You don't throw a tantrum about your sister's selfishness; anyone who knows what's going on will see that. You don't take it to the public and air your family's dirty laundry. You tell all involved it is your sister's choice and you respect it. In other words, become an example of the proper way to go to meet your maker, not as some petty crybaby.
So what? His behavior may be deserving of some criticism. By why fixate on a molehill when there's a mountain that needs addressing? His promise revoking sister is unquestionably the real bad actor in this scenario and her obvious glee in exacerbating his and his family's suffering deserves far stronger condemnation from any balanced perspective.
The sister is well within her rights (though her actions may be abhorent) and the brother is coming off as as a bit of a crybaby. God will take care of both of them, one way or another.
"Since there reportedly are no risks, this is nasty of the sister. There have been cases of strangers doing more for those in need of organ donations."
There are indeed risks, as there are to any sugery, especially those that require anesthesia. Seriously, you have to get into the bone somehow, they don't just magic the marrow out into a jar by telekinesis.
I think its interesting that most people jumped to the conclusion that the sister is a spiteful hateful person, simply on the report of the husband's wife, who seems a little off-kilter herself. (How many of us need to get arrested when we fly off handle?)
I can think of a good many reasons why someone would be unwilling or perhaps uneligible to undergo this procedure.
We are operating on a serious lack of information here, and what we have is very one-sided.
"can't imagine there is anything my brother would say about me that would cause me to smugly stand by, knowing I could save his life."
How, exactly, do you know she's "smug"?
Honestly, I don't get it.
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