Posted on 03/17/2007 1:44:41 PM PDT by rface
I now know what I am going to do But I am curious as to what other FReepers might do when faced with this situation.
What will I do?? (I know what I am going to do.)
I have a cousin whom I love, and with whom I am close. I grew up with this guy. We are both in our middle 40s. We both have gone through our teen-age years with some trouble along the way and we both now hold good jobs. We both have done pretty well in spite of our earlier attempts at self-destruction ..and in spite of some heavy burdens that life has thrown our way.
I was married a few months ago (my 2nd and my last) and I invited my cousin and his significant other to our wedding. They flew in from Boston and my wife and I were very happy to have them here to be at our wedding.
I am very close to my cousin. I also like, and get along with, his significant other. My Cousin and I dont see eye-to-eye on some things, but he did vote for Bush in 2000. And we agree on a lot of taxation and financial conservative views. Hes pretty much conservative-ish .sort of (not that his politics has anything to do with this issue) .except that hes gay and he sent me a wedding invitation for me and my wife to come to the wedding in Massachusetts.
My Cousin knows where I stand on the Gay Marriage issue . And my wife shares my view. Our views are not secretly held. We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman but we both also think civil unions may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.
The Question: Would you go to a family members Gay Wedding under a situation like this??
If he is aware of your feelings on the matter, it would seem he's trying to goad you with the invitation.
Militancy is a hallmark of the gender confused.
I would NOT go and when asked why, I would be more than happy to explain in graphic detail why I refused to participate in the farce.
Assuming that you want an honest answer, here's mine.
You screwed up big time by inviting him and his significant other to your wedding.
By doing so you sent a signal of equivalence, intentional or not; Expecting reciprocity is the consequence, and total equivalence is almost explicit.
I wouldn't go. I hate weddings. Never been to a gay one, but I don't even like the hetero ones.
99% of the time they conflict with something good on television.
If you want to get married, fine. Why should I get dressed up to watch?
When I got married, I rented a pastor to meet us in a park in Hawaii. The only witnesses were he and his two daughters who sat at a distance.
It was legal, beautful, and inconvenienced no one. There were no hair-pulling decisions for guests whether to attend. And I'm still married to the same woman 23 years later.
Some of my friends have spent over $50,000 on weddings for their kid. For what?
Just do it.
Nope.
I would go--with a camera just for fun. You are lucky to have a cousin. Enjoy the celebration.
Some things happen in our lives that result in permanent damage to relationships and not even time will heal them.
If you care for this cousin as much as you stated, then his gayness apparently wasn't a problem in the past. So why let it be now? He gave you your moment by coming to your wedding. Doesn't he deserve that in return? So what if is a 'gay wedding'? Isn't his friendship worth more than that? If not, then all that previous caring apparently wasn't so caring after all.
Go. Have an Hors d'oeuvre. Smile. Tell him you hope they both have found happiness. Enjoy. And keep a friend.
Or stay home and lose one.
Forget the politics.
This is a ceremony for two people to profess their love to the world. If those people are important to you, then you be there.
Political correctness be damned.
We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman but we both also think civil unions may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.
Wouldn't you feel hypocritical supporting their "marriage celebration"? -- which is what you would be doing by attending the "wedding". That is the only reason to have an public wedding, to signify the family's support of the marriage.
We don't need to redefine the institution of marriage so that people can live together. We need to support marriage and family, its weakening has been so destructive to the vulnerable ones in our society.
I have to wonder how many of the posters here have had a wedding and their unmarried guests got rooms together under their discount block?
Life is too short - especially with family
Ha!
All of these family squabbles usually patch up once the couple has children.
Well, rface's thoughts I do not know. More, he himself does not know them, for otherwise he would not be asking for the advice. So, I tried the logical approach: will he feel comfortable- if yes, then he should go and not ask. Will he feel uncomfortable? - he should not go then, and handle the thing nicely. Say, the jury duty, and regrettably just around the date. The only gray area is if his degree of discomfort is really minor. Under those conditions he can go, and no harm done.
Deal with it :-)
No.
Send a card wishing him well, not a wedding card, and tell him while you love him and care for his significant other, you hope that he will respect your deeply held beliefs.
It probably will end your relationship for a time, but if you do not stand for something, you may as well stand for nothing.
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