Hooking up is the rage, but is it healthy? (Relationships? What are those?)

Boston Globe ^ | 2/13/2007 | Barbara F. Meltz

[Rutles4Ever]

In a culture where young women take pride in having guilt-free sex with partners they barely know, Nolan and Aparicio are rarities. They have genuine boyfriends, not hook ups.

"I don't know anyone else who's in a relationship, do you?" Nolan asks Aparicio. Nope, no one else.

Hooking up has come to define sexual relationships for most of today's teens and young women. It can mean anything from kissing and touching to oral sex or intercourse. Vagueness is its hallmark. "A girl can say, 'I hooked up with so-and-so,' and no one knows what she did. It protects you and makes you a player at the same time," says Aparicio, who admits to her share of high school hook ups.

---SNIP---

"The C-word, commitment, is the dirty word," Stepp says. "They see relationship as draining you of everything, most of all of your time: You'll have no time for yourself, your girlfriends, your studies, your sports..."

Aparicio says friends at home think she's weird to be in a monogamous relationship. Nolan's relationship is enough of an anomaly among her friends that she says, "Some of them are curious about it -- like it's something foreign."

Stepp is not prudish or unrealistic enough to call for an end to hook ups. "I want girls to stop and think about what they are doing, and where it's going to lead them," she says.

Neither Nolan nor Aparacio knows what the future holds for their relationships. Marriage? Probably not. Aparicio even admits that hook ups with no strings have some appeal. Not that she's looking to break up.

[RockinRight]

Perhaps so as not to marry the first idiot they meet? Goes for men and women both.

Ya know, if I did it the way certain people think I should, I would have married that one girl I dated at age 19 who's in prison now. Yeah. So much better than waiting to meet my fiance here on FR. (that last sentence was sarcasm for those of you in Rio Linda.)

[pabianice]

What bullshit! This is the same crowd that insists "Sex and the City" shows middle American values.

[RDTF]

'Hooking up' doesn't necessarily mean anything more than kissing.

[MPJackal]

This is BS. I have two teenage daughters and I can tell you that they and their girlfriends are very into having or finding a boyfriend. I am not saying it does not happen, but this article makes it sound like it is the VAST majority. It is not.

On a side note, it seems as though something is up. This is the third or fourth article I have seen over the last week or two trying to say traditional relationships are dying.

First there was the story about the majority of women are now single. It was proved to be BS, but the damage was done.

Then there was the Gays that adopt are better parents the traditional parents. A study also guilty of dishonesty.

And now this. Am I paranoid or is something afoot

[texas_mrs]

Hooking up has come to define sexual relationships for most of today's teens and young women.

Try as I might, I cannot hear this term without thinking of dogs.

[Rummyfan]

Nolan and Aparicio? Baseball fan parents - Nolan Ryan and Luis Aparicio?

[bert]

The by product is stress. If you watch TV, pay attention to the commercials. Every product being pushed to women, especially young women, claims to reduce stress.

The successful Republican candidate must pander to this need and must promise stress reduction. If not, he will lose. Those young women who go through life thinking they are stressed out will provide the margin necessary to elect the President.

There is a chicken in every pot but the stress that put it there is a killer.

[Zhang Fei]

I get the impression that this is media people talking about other media people. After all, everyone I know is hooking up - ergo, Americans must be hooking up en masse.

[Rummyfan]

Then again, this is Massachusetts, so it's perfectly natural that a male Nolan or Aparicio would be talking about his boyfriend.

That was my first thought too.

[Enchante]

Bill Clinton approves...... he drools over the prospect of an increasingly large pool of young women available for casual sex of all descriptions.....

[frogjerk]

Perhaps so as not to marry the first idiot they meet? Goes for men and women both.

Sometimes the first person they meet is the one for them. Works both ways.

If playing the field is a good idea regarding picking a suitable mate then why are there more divorces today where young men and young women are playing the field more than ever before?

[napscoordinator]

As long as it feels good right??????

[RockinRight]

I don't think it's the field playing - I think it's the lax sexual climate. You can date multiple people without screwing all of them.

[redpoll]

Right now I am surrounded by teenagers (all in silent sustained reading) and I can tell anyone reading this article that it is 100 percent pure unadulterated cow flop. I see real teenagers every day. I talk with them. Some of them even confide in me the troubles and trauma of their lives.

Yes, there are some teens who are promiscious. I don't see that as a trend - I see it as the norm. There are a few when I was a teenager in the late Stone Age (somewhere between Led Zeppelin and the B52s). My readings from historical sources indicates that some teens were promiscious in the 1950s. And the 1930s. And so on probably back to the dawn of humanity.

For most teens, though - at least the little herd that roams in and out of my classroom - there is plenty of holding hands, lovestruck eyes, unrequited crushes, and a desire for longterm love. When I talk about the solid positive relationship and love with my wife to the students, the girls, especially, light up.

So what am I going to believe - the Boston Globe or my own eyes?

[RockinRight]

I'll also add that I think people were more likely to stay in miserable marriaged 100 years ago than now.

[CatoRenasci]

I think it depends on what part of the country you're talking about: in places like Boston, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle, Washington DC, and their suburbs it's quite common in high school, though there are girls who prefer being in relationships.

On the other hand, it does seem to be the norm in many colleges, especially in the elite private colleges and universities in the Northeast, and in private and public universities on the the West Coast. Less so, perhaps in the Mid-west and the South. Both of my daughters who are in college in the upper Mid-West, however, report most girls are either unattached or hook up, rather than being in serious relationships. My own daughters have preferred more exclusive dating relationships, but those have their own issues.

[Osage Orange]

Like Hazel, Mabel, and Horatio?

[dmz]

I knew I shoulda named my daughter Belanger (that was all for you Rummyfan, IIRC, you know your Baltimore baseball).

[frogjerk]

I'll also add that I think people were more likely to stay in miserable marriaged 100 years ago than now.

And more people get divorced at the drop of a hat or one missed sexual experience than 100 years ago as well.

[Bigg Red]

Personally I have no problem if high schoolers want to date around (not condoing wanton promiscuous sex) but frankly dating a bunch of different people certainly isn't a bad thing when young.

**
Dating a lot of different people is certainly a good thing for young people. But what these kids are doing is not dating, as I understood dating to be when I was a teenaged girl.

In my day, a boy asked you on a date -- girls never did the asking. The boy came to your home, met your parents, and took you to a movie, usually, or perhaps a sporting event. You might stop somewhere for something to eat. When he brought you home, he walked you to your door, where you said your "good nights". If this was not your first date together, the girl would probably let him kiss her. That was it.

Sadly, these young people are talking about meeting up with someone and engaging in sexual activities. Very sad. No wonder there is so much depression among young people today.