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IXOYE war spreads to Wisconsin
LarkNews ^

Posted on 01/28/2007 11:38:21 AM PST by Gamecock


Helvetica, Overcome: Geraldine Schott and her sons watch as
their badly damaged car is hauled away from a Shoneys parking lot.
They were victims of a June 26 Darwin-ista attack in St. Paul, Minn.

RACINE — At a Duluth, Minn., Target store parking lot in July, hostilities between motorists brandishing 'IXOYE' fish and 'Darwin' fish broke into open conflict after years of angry gestures and cutting one another off in traffic.

"One of the Christians said something about Darwin being a drunken, godless fool, and someone on the other side said Jesus was gay, and that pretty much did it," said a bystander holding ice to a bruise she'd suffered on her head in the ensuing melee. Six cars were damaged and the ground was littered with broken, silver shards of plastic, the remains of so-called "message fish."

Ten people were arrested, including five from a local Evangelical Free church. Partisans on both sides re-grouped and began launching regular attacks using small munitions. The conflict quickly spread to Wisconsin where citizen-militias have been raised and growing numbers of motorists are clashing over their insignias.

"This thing's been brewing for a while. It just happened to boil over here," said state police chief Marty Sorenson whose department is trying to contain the burgeoning guerilla war.

"It was pretty vicious," said Bill Henley, who witnessed a parking lot attack by 'IXOYE' guerillas in Racine. "They waited until the parking lanes were clear and then swooped in, shooting out the windows and tires of any car with the Darwin fish, and even cars with bumper stickers that said 'The goddess is alive' or 'Practice random acts of kindness.'"

Darwin-istas retaliated by bashing in windshields of cars bearing stickers that read "It's a CHILD, not a CHOICE," "My boss is a Jewish carpenter," and for good measure, any mini-van with a "My child is an honor student at ..." sticker.

Local law enforcers grumble that the conflict has been overshadowed by overseas terrorism and the war in Iraq.

"This is a big domestic issue that we're trying hard to keep localized," said Sorenson. "The feds need to intervene at some point to calm the situation."

Police are conducting house-to-house searches for IXOYE militia members in some cities. Militias have found safe harbor in churches and wooded areas. Anti-IXOYE fighters were found holed up in at least two universities and Planned Parenthood clinics. All motorists in the upper Midwest have been warned to cover or remove potentially inflammatory bumper stickers.

"If the hot-heads on both sides don't start behaving themselves, we'll demand FBI action and have a full-scale crackdown," says Sorenson. "These people should keep in mind these are criminal acts."


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: comedyishard; dyingiseasy; humor; humornotmuch; ixoye; joke; notmuchhumor
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1 posted on 01/28/2007 11:38:23 AM PST by Gamecock
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To: Alex Murphy; Xenalyte; Gamecock; AxelPaulsenJr; Calm_Cool_and_Elected; ksen; Zechariah_8_13; ...

Ping.


2 posted on 01/28/2007 11:40:03 AM PST by Gamecock (Ecclesia reformata, semper reformanda secundum verbum Dei)
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To: Gamecock

sorry...not all that funny.


3 posted on 01/28/2007 11:41:00 AM PST by Drango (A liberal's compassion is limited only by the size of someone else's wallet.)
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To: Drango
sorry...not all that funny.

Oh, I don't know. One side had the nerve to assail cars with "My Child is an Honor Student" stickers.

Other than that, there's no humor in it.

4 posted on 01/28/2007 11:52:23 AM PST by Ole Okie
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To: Gamecock
It might be funny if it were from Scrappleface or the like. As it is, I find it bizarre but not funny at all.
5 posted on 01/28/2007 11:55:09 AM PST by Christopher Lincoln
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To: Gamecock

Are you sure this isn't scrappleface or iowahawk?


6 posted on 01/28/2007 11:55:25 AM PST by LexBaird (98% satisfaction guaranteed. There's just no pleasing some people.)
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To: Gamecock
It may be that it's just so daggone cold up there that it makes people crazy. It's currently 6° F in Duluth.

To all Christians in Northeastern Minnesota and Northwestern Wisconsin: Haven't you ever heard the phrase "turn the other cheek"? That was the Lord talking, and you should pay attention to what He said.
7 posted on 01/28/2007 12:00:05 PM PST by advance_copy (Stand for life, or nothing at all)
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To: Gamecock

8 posted on 01/28/2007 12:03:18 PM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: LexBaird

Lark news is spoof of all things evangelical.


9 posted on 01/28/2007 12:03:32 PM PST by sonrise57
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To: advance_copy
To all Christians in Northeastern Minnesota and Northwestern Wisconsin: Haven't you ever heard the phrase "turn the other cheek"? That was the Lord talking, and you should pay attention to what He said.

A successful Irish boxer on one occasion was converted, and he grew in faith and became a preacher of the gospel. He happened to be in a new town setting up his evangelistic tent, and a couple of tough thugs noticed what he was doing. Knowing nothing of the evangelist's background, they made a few insulting remarks to him. The Irishman merely turned and looked at them. Pressing his luck, one of the bullies took a swing and struck a glancing blow on one side of the ex-boxer's face. He shook it off and said nothing as he stuck out his jaw to him again. The fellow took another glance and blew him on the side of the cheek. At that point, the preacher swiftly took off his coat, rolled up his sleeves and announced: 'The Lord gave me no further instructions' - bang!

10 posted on 01/28/2007 12:03:53 PM PST by KStorm (They're waiting for a show of weakness. And I'm not talkin' about terrorists.)
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To: Gamecock

Wow. I'm totally disappointed in the Christians. THEY (we) should know better.


11 posted on 01/28/2007 12:05:39 PM PST by lomitarocks
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To: Ole Okie

Wait 'til they see my "My honor role student can kick your honor role student's ass" sticker ;'}


12 posted on 01/28/2007 12:06:10 PM PST by rockrr (Never argue with a man who buys ammo in bulk...)
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To: GeneralStorm

That's a pretty good one.

I really think the message about such things is to not seek revenge, since it belongs to God. Though there's nothing wrong with defending yourself against physical harm.


13 posted on 01/28/2007 12:08:26 PM PST by advance_copy (Stand for life, or nothing at all)
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To: Gamecock

My NRA sticker has generated more than a few road rage attacks, one beep and a thumbs up, and a few calls to 1-800-got-agun resulting in felony stops. Some people just suck.


14 posted on 01/28/2007 12:09:27 PM PST by spunkets
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To: Gamecock
I hope this is an unfunny joke.

Carolyn

15 posted on 01/28/2007 12:15:49 PM PST by CDHart ("It's too late to work within the system and too early to shoot the b@#$%^&s."--Claire Wolfe)
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To: rockrr

We just saw one on the web: "My dressage horse is smarter than your honor student"

I think we'll get it.


16 posted on 01/28/2007 12:17:28 PM PST by Noumenon (The Koran is the Mein Kampf of a religion that has always aimed to eliminate the others - O. Fallaci)
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To: Gamecock
"One of the Christians said something about Darwin being a drunken, godless fool,...

These "Christians" need to research the subject, Darwin may have been a doubter, but he was not "godless". They should heed the scriptural admonitions about making baseless accusations.

And the taunt."and someone on the other side said Jesus was gay, and that pretty much did it,"

is nothing to worry about either. Christ doesn't need us to defend him. Turning the other cheek gets good results here.

17 posted on 01/28/2007 12:17:49 PM PST by P8riot (I carry a gun because I can't carry a cop.)
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To: Gamecock

Hard to tell for sure, but that looks like a Montana license plate.


18 posted on 01/28/2007 12:18:28 PM PST by Straight8
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To: Gamecock

The Christian was in the wrong starting the problem.


19 posted on 01/28/2007 12:19:28 PM PST by bmwcyle (If no one buys illegal drugs, we win the war on drugs)
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To: rockrr
Wait 'til they see my "My honor role student can kick your honor role student's ass" sticker ;'}

That'll scare the crap out of 'em. :^))

20 posted on 01/28/2007 12:22:52 PM PST by Ole Okie
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