Rules of thumb: it normally takes guys a lot longer to recover than gals. Some injuries, like that of the fabled Fisher King, can never be completely healed in this life. Some prayer requests, like Paul's triple petition to be relieved of his "thorn in the flesh," get an answer of "No," with or without an explanation. After all, "we walk by faith, not by sight."
A guy I know bonded with a beautiful, brilliant, and bilingual girl who he assumed was the answer to his prayers. When she was unable to join him in his life of "ministry," (a high-demand protestant monestary/street mission), the rupture precipitated a major crisis of faith and decades of lingering resentment towards God and agents of His who failed to deliver on perceived promises. On the other hand, he found a plain but good woman who snuck in under his radar by virtue of her quiet good character. A friendship began that has endured more than 30 years now. (29th anniversary approaching) She won my heart, even though she knew she could never replace that first great passion, and was content with what I had left over to offer.
There's a lot to be said for kindness, respect, and integrity for building a truly intimate joint soul. Marrying her was the sanest thing I ever did, and the craziest, most romantic thing she ever did.
(parenthetically, I later learned The One had already been engaged five times before I came along. Engaged in quite a bit, apparently!)
You know something I noticed on this thread?
Just as many men (from what I could tell from reading) posted how they met the Love of their Life. I'm amazed by some of the
"confessions" of love.
My first husband was the love of my life, even though he was not always good to me. Maybe it was because I was a teenager in love and I had stars in my eyes. My first true love, I guess. He loved me for a time, but he was cruel in many ways. We did manage to return to being friends after our divorce. He could be a good friend. He has since passed away.
I've moved on in my life and married a really good man. My second husband is younger than me but we have very similar taste and goals in life. He is a good husband and the kind of man you know will be with you a lifetime. God delivered him unto me once I knew what kind of husband I wanted. I guess you could say when my desire was the same as God's.
Sometimes, the ones we are attracted to and fall for are not necessarily the one who is best for us.
Thanks for your story. I'm glad you got over it.
No, in my case, I don't blame God for the loss (after all, it was He who answered a specific prayer on my part to bring her to me -- quite literally). Part of it is my fault, part of it is the fault of a close family member for doing her part to destroy the fairy tale relationship, and part of it is simply Satanic forces. Any letting up of either of the three could've stopped what happened.
Sadly, no day goes by that I'm not reminded and tormented by the loss, even in the little things (such as one time leaving the dentist's office and seeing a vehicle's license plate reading "Mina" -- perhaps meaning nothing to anyone else, it was like a dagger through my soul -- you see, that was the name my fiancee had picked out for a daughter, once we had children in the future. The name was actually a bone of contention, because I wanted something a bit more exotic to reflect her multi-ethnic background, but she stuck to her guns. A silly argument in hindsight, but to say it reminded me of the loss was an understatement).
Even just this morning, I had another nightmare of seeing my former fiancee, far too frequent an occurance, usually she is cold as ice to me in it, and after I wake up, I feel dead inside. It has all adversely effected my physical and mental health, and I suspect it may end up finally killing me before long. That, sadly, may be the only time I will ever have peace. :-|
Thanks, TomSmedley, for sharing your story. Happy almost 29th anniversary.
Thanks for the story TomSmedley:)
It's the reason they say Beauty is only skin deep.
Virtue like ugly is too the bone.