Posted on 01/05/2007 8:32:57 AM PST by qam1
Here is my nightmare. I moved to Madison without knowing anyone here, so I found a babysitter through the University of Wisconsin graduate program in early education. The woman I found was great, but she said that she was really busy, and could her boyfriend babysit instead.
I squashed all my sexist stereotypes and asked for his qualifications. She said he has a law degree in Puerto Rico, where they are from, but he can't work here because he didn't pass the Wisconsin bar, and he doesn't want to study for it because they'll only be here two years. So he is looking for work. He has five younger siblings and he babysat them.
I said okay. I did the normal routine-- stayed with him and the baby one day. Went out for a little the next. The third day, I told him I'd be at the coffee shop. I told him if he wants to go there, go when the baby is asleep so the baby doesn't see me and start crying for me, so he shows up at the coffee shop at naptime.
I say, "Where's the baby?"
He says, "At home."
"AT HOME?!?!?"
So I sprint eight blocks home, imagining all the most terrible things a mom can imagine. I get home and the baby is asleep, on my bed, ten feet from an open stairway.
The guy says, "I'm sorry."
I say, "You can just go."
He says, "I think it was a language problem. I just misunderstood you. I thought you told me to go to the coffee shop and leave the baby at home."
This could happen to anyone, and it does. My friend paid a chic agency in the New York City area to find her a bonded, background-checked nanny. But she turned out to be anorexic and she fainted behind the wheel. My friend didn't know until the car was wrapped around a pole. (Everyone safe, thank goodness.)
The difficulty of leaving a baby to go to work cannot be understated. And babysitting situations like this make it even more difficult. So we've now gone months with no babysitter, and my husband is about to kill me because he's picking up a lot of the slack.
So here's where the advice comes in: how to find a perfect babysitter, right? Wrong. There are no perfect babysitter situations. It's the nature of motherhood to be unsure of leaving. One thing I can tell you, though, is that I am a part of the opt-out generation: I sprinted up corporate ladders and ran two startups of my own, and I don't want to do that now, when I have young kids.
A press release from Lifetime Television just announced, "Women in generation Y do not want to permanently drop out of the workforce." The assumption here, of course, is that the Generation X women-- me-- who are dropping out of corporate life today are going to abstain from all business for the next twenty years until all their kids are in college.
Newsflash: The current opt-out phenomenon is not permanent. Some moms can do it, some can't, most fall somewhere in between, like me. As the kids get older, the opt-out revolution is about opting out of the absurd and inflexible hours that corporate America is demanding right now. It is not opting out of all work that does not involve kids. In fact, the majority of small businesses are started by women for these very reasons.
So, finally, here's some advice. Babysitter problems are not unique to you. They are part of a massive trend, and one bad babysitter doesn't mean you should give up on corporate life, and the crazy demands of corporate life don't mean that you should give up on work outside the home. We are all trying to find a compromise, and some of us are trying to find a sitter.
Oh I agree with you. I just suggested it as a way to wake the husband up to what a stay at home mom contributes. Since he is so hepped on economics.
I wrote what I did as a suggestion that she show her husband the contribution stay at home moms make to the household. The value of a mom who stays home and cares forher child can not be measured in just dollars.
I was not trying to put down what the husband contributed but since he seemed resentful of her not working I thought it would be good for or to show she is indeed working.
From the article it seems they are not in economic straits that means mom has to go to work just to provide basics.
As I have said before I wrote what I did because it seemed her husband did not realize that stay at home moms contribute a lot to a household. That if he was to place a value on the services and care she provides it would add up to quite a tidy sum. It is he that seems to think the only important work results in a paycheck.
As for never seeing his kids. I never said he should not see his kids. I just said that he could work some overtime. But from the article it does not sound like the family is suffering financial hardship.
I still think the best persons to rear a child is his or her parens. In infancy the parent best suited for that happens to be mom.
I agree with everything you write. My point simply was that the husband did not see the contribution a stay at home mom makes to the household. The most important of course being the rearing of children.
It is because he seemed to be most concerned with the economics of his wife not working. Since money seems his first language it just seemed better to communicate with him in that tongue.
And unless I missed something the husband said nothing to the wife about not working and learning to live within her means. They both seemed determined to keep things just as they were before children. But the husband was angry that his wife had to stay home while the sitter crisis was resolved.
That crisis would be resolved if she stayed home. He realized how important that is for their child. They faced the reality that with children your economic priorities change. That they learn love and care of two parents is one of the best gifts they can give their baby.
I was just discussing this issue with my husband yesterday. One of the guys who works for him has a new baby and they (the guy and his girlfriend) had been joking about asking me to babysit.
I knew the baby was about six weeks old now, so I asked if they had found a sitter. They have realized that they used to spend so much money going out to eat, and on activities, that they are doing just fine without her working.
The guy makes decent, but not spectacular money. It can be done...unless you're a snob, of course.
Let me amend this statement. If you live in California, Hawaii, or New England, all bets are off and you'll probably have to sell your organs to keep food on the table.
The love and joy far, far surpasses all of that. It is worth every moment.
Not every moment. Those 12 AM, 1 AM, 3 AM, 5 AM howling wake-up calls, for example. Those moments blow.
But everything else is aces!
It's like jazz. If you don't get it, you never will.
Let's do it. When's the first meeting?
Easy. To be fruitful and multiply. Children are a joy and a solid, loving family is the most precious thing on earth. No amount of toys or property can beat out the close-knit love of a well-developed family.
That's only if you buy into consumerist culture. And I speak from experience today in a big city--not as a 70 year old from the sticks perspective. I'm self employed and business has been thru some tough times until a couple of years ago. I would happily live in a rented double-wide before I would send my boy off to day care. I have happily ridden the bus around town when times were tight and eaten mostly rice and beans.
The baubles and the curb-appeal don't mean squat. Beyond a roof over your head and three squares, it's all extras. Sometimes they're fun. But they're extras. Anyone who forgets that usually ends up with their kids in daycare while they try to live the fabulous life.
My wife's family is from rural Mississippi--today. A bunch of them live in double-wides. Frankly, they have their priorities on a lot straighter than the dual-income-one-kid-in-daycare-curb-appeal families I know. If my business went into the toilet, I'd move rural and make it work. Kids belong with their families, not government certified nannies.
I'm embarassed that I didn't even consider that!
I see. I had interpreted her comment to mean that her husband was upset over having to share child-care duties so that she could continue working. This illustrates (additionally) what a poor communicator the author is!
Those are opportunities for prayer.
I'm series :-). If you got lemons, make lemonade!
Bingo. I can get a $200K/yr VP to consult for less than $3K/month and everyone is happy. Also, their resume doesn't have big holes in it either. Definitely quid pro quo.
They are also opportunties for thanking God for a healthy child. For remembering that this tiny human is totally dependent on our love and care. That the years pass by too quickly and we should enjoy that total acceptance and love while we can.
He says, "I think it was a language problem. I just misunderstood you. I thought you told me to go to the coffee shop and leave the baby at home."
Dumbass.
"Dumbasss". That reminds me of "Walter" one of Jeff Dunham's puppets (Jeff is a ventriloquist who appears on stage in various cities and has his own DVD.)
"Walter" is a crabby 60 to 65 year old puppet/character with a very unpleasant expression painted on his "face", who takes no guff from anyone and tells it like it is!
My favorite "Walterism":
"Walter" is now a greeter at Wal-Mart so Jeff asks him "What do you say to people?"
"Walter" replies that he says:
" Hello, Welcome to WalMart. Get your sh**t and get out of here!"
You have to see Walter to appreciate him!
Hey....I might agree with you on that one....and I'm a woman!
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