Posted on 01/05/2007 8:32:57 AM PST by qam1
Here is my nightmare. I moved to Madison without knowing anyone here, so I found a babysitter through the University of Wisconsin graduate program in early education. The woman I found was great, but she said that she was really busy, and could her boyfriend babysit instead.
I squashed all my sexist stereotypes and asked for his qualifications. She said he has a law degree in Puerto Rico, where they are from, but he can't work here because he didn't pass the Wisconsin bar, and he doesn't want to study for it because they'll only be here two years. So he is looking for work. He has five younger siblings and he babysat them.
I said okay. I did the normal routine-- stayed with him and the baby one day. Went out for a little the next. The third day, I told him I'd be at the coffee shop. I told him if he wants to go there, go when the baby is asleep so the baby doesn't see me and start crying for me, so he shows up at the coffee shop at naptime.
I say, "Where's the baby?"
He says, "At home."
"AT HOME?!?!?"
So I sprint eight blocks home, imagining all the most terrible things a mom can imagine. I get home and the baby is asleep, on my bed, ten feet from an open stairway.
The guy says, "I'm sorry."
I say, "You can just go."
He says, "I think it was a language problem. I just misunderstood you. I thought you told me to go to the coffee shop and leave the baby at home."
This could happen to anyone, and it does. My friend paid a chic agency in the New York City area to find her a bonded, background-checked nanny. But she turned out to be anorexic and she fainted behind the wheel. My friend didn't know until the car was wrapped around a pole. (Everyone safe, thank goodness.)
The difficulty of leaving a baby to go to work cannot be understated. And babysitting situations like this make it even more difficult. So we've now gone months with no babysitter, and my husband is about to kill me because he's picking up a lot of the slack.
So here's where the advice comes in: how to find a perfect babysitter, right? Wrong. There are no perfect babysitter situations. It's the nature of motherhood to be unsure of leaving. One thing I can tell you, though, is that I am a part of the opt-out generation: I sprinted up corporate ladders and ran two startups of my own, and I don't want to do that now, when I have young kids.
A press release from Lifetime Television just announced, "Women in generation Y do not want to permanently drop out of the workforce." The assumption here, of course, is that the Generation X women-- me-- who are dropping out of corporate life today are going to abstain from all business for the next twenty years until all their kids are in college.
Newsflash: The current opt-out phenomenon is not permanent. Some moms can do it, some can't, most fall somewhere in between, like me. As the kids get older, the opt-out revolution is about opting out of the absurd and inflexible hours that corporate America is demanding right now. It is not opting out of all work that does not involve kids. In fact, the majority of small businesses are started by women for these very reasons.
So, finally, here's some advice. Babysitter problems are not unique to you. They are part of a massive trend, and one bad babysitter doesn't mean you should give up on corporate life, and the crazy demands of corporate life don't mean that you should give up on work outside the home. We are all trying to find a compromise, and some of us are trying to find a sitter.
Bingo.
I gave up my job when my husband and I were transferred to Hawaii. We lived in base housing so I did not need to work, though I did when my son was about 1/1/2.
However, when we were transferred back to California, base housing was hard to come by, and you didn't get alot of housing allowance on an E5 salary. Living in a simple, safe, lower middle class neighborhood with decent schools nearby came at a price...me going to work.
...My thoughts as well. Methinks that this might be an 'imaginary' story. And, not to diminish one's accomplishments, but how critical is a job that allows you to work out of a coffee shop? If it's an out-of-the-office type job, then she can work at home. If she's slinging donuts for minimum wage.....I can't imagine what kind of person would put that ahead of child-raising.
At its best, I'd say that the author is a really poor planner. And, as a husband, I'd be a little irritated, too, if my wife went back to work, failed to make good arrangements, and expected me to stay home for an extended period of time because of her screw-up. >:| That wouldn't happen in my case, Mrs. WBill has got her act together far more than I do. I've no idea how she keeps everything on track at home.
A couple of months ago, I watched a segment of Fox & Friends where the women were discussing the rising trend in women having more children. One of them asked if having more children was a status symbol because it costs so much to raise a child nowadays. She was completely serious. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
Thanks for sticking up for us 1-income-families. There are some sacrifices to be made, but it's well worth it. :-)
Heck, Mrs. WBill saves a ton of money just by being a careful shopper, cutting coupons, etc. That's quite an income supplement, as well.
I don't know why people want to have kids in todays world....it's just so expensive, lots of worry and work. Why do you have kids? Honestly.
"Many people who thumb their nose at families where Mom works speak from experiences 20 years ago or live in more rural or less economically vibrant areas."
Tea in China?
We've watched society deteriorate horribly as more moms have entered the workforce.
And Hubby gets no time with his kids. Gee, that's fair. And, what's even more ridiculous are the women out there that have husbands willing to bust ass to make the rent so she can stay home with the kids (I know, playgroup, talking on the phone to Mom, sister, girlfriends, going to park, etc is soooooo hard) who then want to either split the household stuff 50/50 or complain that he is never home....
I could just as easily argue that society went down the toilet when women were allowed to vote.
The woman I found was great, but she said that she was really busy, and could her Puerto Rican boyfriend watch the sack of $100 bills instead.
My husband takes it back a few years earlier than that, even - he says the self-starting automobile was the culprit.
Also, I Like your tagline.
No you couldn't.
Hey, my household and my kids would be hosed without my wife. I know that for a fact.
FREERIDER I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS PING!
FREERIDERS RULE!!!!!
So who did those things before the children came? They didn't hire anyone (more than likely), they did it themselves, while both working full time jobs. Thus, your argument is a non-starter.
Tell him to either write his wife a check for the amount he would pay for others to do all this work or STFU and put in some OT. And be damn grateful his baby is safe at home with a loving mother that puts him or her first.
You're entirely missing the point. When your income drops by 40%, as is typical when the wife stops working, you need to adjust your standard of living accordingly. In other words, live within your means. What the husband complains of is his wife's refusal to live within their means.
As it is in my own household. However, we've ordered our lives so that we can live within our means, and I don't have to 'take up the slack.'
I don't know, but if you see 'em, you tell 'em for me, okay?
Cry me a f#%$ing river, lady. Corporate America doesn't exist to accomodate the wants and needs of people with kids. I'm sick and tired of covering for parents who aren't at work because their kid's babysitter is sick, they have to go to Junior's soccer practice, or some other such thing. This kind of crap makes me not want to hire any parents of young children, even though I know that they are not all selfish, irresponsible boobs.
Thanks! =]
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