Jimmy Carter Announces Funeral Plans, Wants To Be Buried In Foreign Soil

MND ^ | December 04, 2006 | Doug Powers

[Nasty McPhilthy]

Why Jimmy Carter would want to be buried in foreign soil is anybody’s guess, but the former president, whose administration was the economic equivalent of root canal while in the throes of amoebic dysentery, has announced his funeral plans.

Carter wants to be buried in front of his home in Plains, Georgia. At this point, we can only speculate how many of brother Billy’s empty beer cans will be dug up by the backhoe. Any bets?

Jimmy also wants a funeral in Washington, which promises to be quite the somber experience. It’ll be like Ronald Reagan’s funeral without all the pesky people getting in your line of sight.

It’s often said that Carter “was a better ex-president than president,” but trying to decide if Jimmy was a better president or ex-president is like figuring out if you prefer the hemorrhoid on the left butt cheek, or the right one.

Carter is probably still in full-blown “Enzyte Bob” mode, as his pal and anti-American goon Hugo Chavez just won re-election as president of Venezuela.

The legacy that Jimmy Carter will leave behind once his funeral plans are fulfilled would be comical if it weren’t dangerous. The self-appointed Special Ambassador to Everywhere has spent the better part of a few decades using his platform as a former president of the U.S. to practice conflict resolution overseas, bash America, and encourage murderers and their victims to find common ground.

Not long ago, Carter monitored the Palestinian elections, where the Islamic militant group Hamas won an overwhelming majority in the legislature.

Here’s what Jimmy Carter had to say about the Palestinian election mere hours after the voting: “The elections were completely honest, completely fair, completely safe and without violence.” We can only wish Carter could offer that same type of knee-jerk deference to an American election.

Remember the days when Billy was the embarrassing Carter?

What Jimmy Carter, knowingly or unknowingly, said to the world that day was that suicide bombings and other violence at polling places won’t occur as long as terrorists are allowed a spot on the ballot.

There are two options with Jimmy Carter: He’s either a gullible fool in search of a legacy or a closet despot lover in search of a closet.

Back in 2002, Carter visited Cuba and hooked up with Fidel Castro for what almost resembled a creepy eHarmony.com ad. At the time, Carter’s visit rankled nerves in the Bush administration because it was thought that Castro had, at the very least, a limited biological-weapons program.

Carter came out of his trip doubting that Cuba had any such programs. Why? You guessed it: Because Castro told him he didn’t. Well, that and because Castro granted Carter “free access to any place that you may wish to see” (with 24-hour notice for “tidying up”). The Cuban government also told its people that they were free to speak openly with Carter, provided they were polite, courteous and willing to spend the next 20 years in a labor camp.

Why does Jimmy Carter seem to have a soft spot for less than desirable dictators and varied despots around the globe? Simply psychology. The malaise, stagflation, low morale, high misery index, bad leisure suit and disco years that were his presidency look great next to the human rights violations, oppression and violent iron fisted rule of the likes of Castro, Hamas, Chavez, Ahmadinejad, et al.

Carter has figured out what’s helped many an ex-president out of a bad legacy jam. You can’t change history, but you can alter your present company. As Rodney Dangerfield’s character eloquently put it in his movie Back to School, “If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.”

Jimmy Carter has announced his burial plans, and word has it that he’s already down in Plains trying to mediate the dirt out of the hole. I’m a little surprised that Carter didn’t want to be buried in Venezuela, Cuba, or the Middle East — a little closer to home.

[WrightOnTarget]

"Foreign soil"... as in the U.S. isn't Jimmah's true national calling...

At least that's my take.

[Howlin]

I had to look it up!

Oh, I feel old now. Thanks a lot.

Needless to say, that was a "moment" in time when the TV talk shows host had a "time" with that one.

[MCT- RI - IL]

A Hole... very appropriate. LOL

[Nasty McPhilthy]

Scroll further down for some interesting insight to your questions.

[Kozak]

I'll pop for his tombstone

[Pontiac]

It’s often said that Carter “was a better ex-president than president,” but trying to decide if Jimmy was a better president or ex-president is like figuring out if you prefer the hemorrhoid on the left butt cheek, or the right one.

I wish I had said that.

I love the way this guy writes.

[Howlin]

but you introduced it to me on a Carter thread a year or two ago.

Well, see there; I guess I do do some good things around here, regardless of what my "detractors" might say.......LOL.

[Niuhuru]

They're probably cut from the same cloth. Only Clinton got to stay in for two terms and do twice the damage.

[Nasty McPhilthy]

Peanut Butter & Bologna on wheat.

[Zack Nguyen]

May I just say one more time how much I love your name?

[Issaquahking]

Hey Jimmy, alive or dead, you still suck. I served in the military under you, and despised you as the weak kneed scum then, and you only went from weak kneed POS to totally spineless, commy loving, puker.


Clown should have stuck to growin' goobers and building houses. Jimmuh, people like you are part of the problem in regard to this great nation.

[Howlin]

Whew. I was hungry, but not anymore!

[supremedoctrine]

I must have missed something: the headline proposes the rather extreme notion that Carter wants to be buried in foreign soil, then goes on to elaborate that he wants to be buried in Plains, Ga.. So, is there some heavy-handed irony here in him apparently thinking that the USA now constitutes "foreign soil" for him, or what? Don't understand, and I seem to be the only one asking this question./

[Nasty McPhilthy]

Coming from an "ol' timer" such as yourself, I appreciate that.

[reagan_fanatic]

I've never understood Carter's penchant for coddling the enemies of the U.S. For someone who has held the highest office in the land and also been its Commander in Chief, Carter's actions have been a flat-out disgrace and a stinging slap in the face to every American who has ever had the privledge to serve his country.

Carter should be ashamed of himself enough to never open his mouth in public again.

[stevem]

Remember the days when Billy was the embarrassing Carter?

Is that possible?

[cpdiii]

I just got a begging letter in the mail today from something called the Jimmy Carter Institute

Send them a few dollars, yes I am serious. You will then get on many left wing mailing lists. Each time the lefties send out a letter it will cost them postage, handling, and the fixed overhead of their home office. After a couple of years you will get off their mailing lists and you simply send in another "very minor" contribution and the whole process will start over again. It is about time for me to do this as I am no longer getting begging letters from the lefties. It warms my heart to think that a five dollar contribution will in the end cost them 15 or 20 dollars. :)

[trumandogz]

I think it is called Satire.

[rottndog]

The Nobel prize has as much credibility anymore as the Academy Awards--The winners are the ones who either campaign for it the hardest or who are the most PC choices to win. Since mass murderer Yasir Arafat won the award, it really means nothing to me.

[true_blue_texican]

I look forward to p!ss!ng on his grave!