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First Comes Junior In a Baby Carriage (4 in 10 Births by Single Moms)
MSNBC Newsweak ^ | 6 Dece,ber 2--6 | Debra Rosenberg and Pat Wingert

Posted on 11/26/2006 5:02:22 AM PST by shrinkermd

....More American women than ever are putting motherhood before matrimony. New data released by the Centers for Disease Control show that nearly four in 10 U.S. babies were born outside of marriage in 2005—a new high. These unwed moms aren't all teens—last year teen pregnancies fell to their lowest levels in 65 years. Some—like 44-year-old Mary Lee MacKichan, who used a gay friend as a sperm donor—are professional, older women who want to have babies before their biological clocks run out, but most are low-income twentysomethings. (Unwed births among 30- to 44-year-olds are up 17 percent since 1991; among those 25 to 29, they're up 30 percent.) And some 40 percent of those moms aren't going it alone—they're cohabiting, at least for a while. That's creating a major shift in what a generation of children are coming to call a family. "Marriage is still alive and well, but it has a lot of competition," says Wellesley College sociologist Rosanna Hertz, author of "Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice."

Ironically, sociologists say, marriage may be on the decline precisely because it has become so idealized. People expect more from marriage than they did a century ago, when it was mainly a practical arrangement to provide financial stability for women and a place to raise children. "Now it's not only love and romance but also self-fulfillment and personal growth," says Pamela Smock, professor of sociology at the University of Michigan. Since there's no longer much of a stigma attached to getting pregnant outside of marriage, many couples have replaced "shotgun weddings" with "shotgun cohabitations

(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: genx; moralabsolutes; mothers; reasons; single
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To: durasell

Of course it's no longer in business. They'd have guys come in and spend the whole day debating a $20 purchase, then they'd never see those guys again for a decade and a half.


281 posted on 11/27/2006 10:58:59 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: luckystarmom
I don't understand why people have kids and then don't spend time with them. I understand some people choosing not to have kids.

I agree with this very much. The 'balance' a lot of folks insist on just doesn't exist. At least, I have never met anyone who could articulate it's successful execution convincingly. ;-)

282 posted on 11/27/2006 11:04:38 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: linda_22003

Of course it's no longer in business. They'd have guys come in and spend the whole day debating a $20 purchase, then they'd never see those guys again for a decade and a half.



I actually visited about a dozen stores. I like to use small errands as an excuse to get out and about. So, my hunt for the perfect can opener took me from Zabar's to Macy's to the Bowery (used restaurant equipment)to Chinatown and then finally to Soho.


283 posted on 11/27/2006 11:05:17 AM PST by durasell (!)
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To: linda_22003

Microwaves have come with every apartment I have had, so it's handy but I seldom resort to it.

As for your solution to forgetting to defrost stuff, kudos! It's called alternative dispute resolution! ;-)


284 posted on 11/27/2006 11:05:32 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: Night Hides Not

I know what you mean. I enjoy cooking for someone I love. I find cooking to be fun and calming in most contexts, actually.

Cooking is fairly easy, actually. Or rather, it can be easy. Excellent dishes can be assembled relatively easy or medium level of complexity.

I don;t bake much - never have. Cooking allows some flexibility - you can eyeball ingredient measurements to an extent. Baking is a much more exact science, I find. still, I hold my own on some dishes, but I prefer to stick to the appetizers and main course, and leave desert to people more skilled than me! ;-)


285 posted on 11/27/2006 11:21:34 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: Night Hides Not
I'm also pretty good with German dishes such as sauerbraten and jagerschnitzel.

I'm an 'Everyday Italian' fan, and that's usually what I prepare! I also go for classic American cuisine, and TexMex which I love also.

The only cuisine I don't have affection for most french dishes, I admit. Something about tossing 3 sticks of butter into every dish leaves me a bit cold. ;-)

286 posted on 11/27/2006 11:23:52 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: durasell

I do a little quick thing with slabs of beef and potatoes, onions, some spices, some veggies, water, and some onion soup mix, and keep it cooking all afternoon. Nice, but I only go there on an unusually lazy day. :-)


287 posted on 11/27/2006 11:26:54 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: durasell
Thanks. However, understand that I'm a guy who once spent an entire day shopping for a mechanical can opener. Yes, I understand the insanity of that, but I had that darned can opener 15 years.

Go with manual can openers - I'm oldschool and like the added security of being able to open cans in an extended power failure! Plus its just for home cooking, it's not like you are opening dozens of cans a day or anything!

I have lived in Las Vegas now for five years and have been through three can openers. So, how come the can opener in my parent's house when we were kids lasted decades. I think it works to this day!

288 posted on 11/27/2006 11:29:46 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: HitmanLV

I always go with manual can openers. My thinking is: If ya too lazy to open a can, then you don't deserve to eat. Though the ones that kind of zip around the can on their own are pretty neat.


289 posted on 11/27/2006 11:51:16 AM PST by durasell (!)
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To: HitmanLV

Cold and on a slab. My husband refers to classic French cuisine as "the widowmaker". :)


290 posted on 11/27/2006 11:54:22 AM PST by linda_22003
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To: durasell

We're of like mind on this can opener issue! ;-)


291 posted on 11/27/2006 11:54:53 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: Night Hides Not

Great post. Keep on being a great Dad.


292 posted on 11/27/2006 11:55:11 AM PST by Mr. Silverback (We will need to crush the Iraq Study Group like we crushed Harriet Miers. Be ready.)
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To: linda_22003

Wise words!


293 posted on 11/27/2006 11:56:10 AM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: HitmanLV

We're of like mind on this can opener issue! ;-)




In about six seconds someone will chime in that we're both commie, pro-abortion, gun grabbing, Stalinist Clintonista elitists and that the only way to go is with an electric can opener (bought at Wal-Mart) that demonstrates American ingenuinty and whose purchase helps the economy.


294 posted on 11/27/2006 11:58:42 AM PST by durasell (!)
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To: durasell

Sounds about right. I'm sticking with the can opener of the proletariat, no matter what!


295 posted on 11/27/2006 12:02:12 PM PST by HitmanLV (Rock, Rock, Rock and Rollergames! Rockin' & Rolling, Rockin' with Rollergames!)
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To: grey_whiskers
"The problem is that you assume that $80,000 - $100,000 for starters is a *bare minimum*."

That's where I realistically expect to be after getting a top tier MBA... It's not what I expect my husband to be making. I think that there's nothing wrong with dating a nurse or a teacher who might make alot less than me... The things that I require from a potential mate is A. someone with a college degree (to show drive and actual compatibility) and B. someone who is using that degree in some profession (again... Isn't working at Starbucks). I think that these are both reasonable demands.

"And that -- by your own admission -- you have no desire nor talent to turn your obligatory McMansion into a *home*."

I'd never get a McMansion. I'd prefer a Brownstone or Condo in downtown Chicago... something with actual personality.

"You also assume that men in that income bracket will only be too happy to marry someone who intends to compete with them, when they can get just as much sexual satisfaction, with less friction, by avoiding marriage, or choosing a trophy wife."

I do. That's why I don't expect to get married, but I'd still like kids.

"Or perhaps it is the implicit assumption that anyone who does not agree with your relentless drive up the career ladder must be a semi-skilled loser."

No, people who have no desire to learn any sort of marketable skills are "semi-skilled losers." There's a difference between demanding that everyone be CEO and being okay with people willing to flip burgers for the rest of their lives.

"If grad school and babies don't mix -- MBA-level jobs and new babies don't mix either."

I know managers who work in MBA jobs and were able to negotiate "flexible" scheduling to stay home with their new babies. It depends on how valuable you are and what type of company you work for...

"And by the time you are in your early thirties, you will be getting long in the tooth for men who can grab a fresh, easily wowed piece right out of college."

Yep, the college bimbos... I know the drill.

"Again, I implore you to consider the possible long term consequences of your actions, and how you might be "cutting off your escape route" for things you don't think you want right now. Or at least to give more consideration to the concept that your glib toss-offs about how easy it will be in 8 or 10 years to get marrried or raise children *might* be inaccurate."

It's much easier to get married or have children in five/ eight years than it is to get a graduate degree in five/ eight years. It's near impossible for women with husbands and children to get MBAs, for there's still a stigma attached to men supporting women through graduate school. In fact, elite programs are desperate to attract talented women because of this reason..

Since I don't want to waste my talent on the entry level job I have now, I'm seriously pursuing my MBA. I'm even applying to programs a year earlier than most people as this will give me another year in my late twenties in which I can perhaps find a husband.
296 posted on 11/27/2006 12:03:37 PM PST by Accygirl
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To: HitmanLV

You will pry my manual can opener from my cold, dead fingers!


297 posted on 11/27/2006 12:11:45 PM PST by durasell (!)
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To: luckystarmom
"One other point is that if you really want to get far in your job, you have to put in over 40 hours a week. "

One parent could cut back on work or even work from the home if possible. I know many women who have flex schedules at work, and there are unconventional jobs that one could consider. Perhaps it would be best if society actually had both men and women slow down in their early thirties and take time for their families since most are going to be working into their seventies anyways... That's what one of the more interesting feminist scholars, Anne Rophie argues. However, this doesn't mean giving up on one's career during that time completely.

"I have 2 daughters going to school at 8:30 am, and someone has to take them.My son goes to school at 9:30am. My daughters have to be picked up at 3:00pm and my son at 3:40pm."

You have two special needs children though. Most children could take the bus to the sitter's for a few hours or if they're in middle school/ high school be trusted to stay home alone. I also know some ladies who "flex" and have earlier hours so that they can be home with their kids for dinner. This actually gives them more time with their children as the kids might go over to the sitter's house at 6:00 in the morning and sleep over there for an hour.

"After that, there is homework, and they all need some help with homework (an uneducated nanny would not be able to help). That takes until dinner time. Then it's time to get ready for bed."

I know many nannies and sitters who are educated enough to help the kids with their homework as we're talking about elementary school kids here. Moreover, just because a kid's parents work, doesn't mean that they won't be able to help them after dinner. My mom was no help at all when it came to high school level math; my dad was the one who check all my algebra and geometry homework.

"That's not to mention things like doctor's appointments, hair appointments, speech therapy twice a week, drama plays at school, field trips and school parties, open houses, sick kids, sick mom, and other school activities."

Again you have special needs children. For someone who has developmentally normal children, that many appointments aren't necessary. Additionally, I tend to think that children are over scheduled nowadays. It's better to get a child interested in a few activities than carting them around from X practice to Y practice.

"On a good day, I have about 5 hours to go to the grocery stores and run other errands, clean the house, do the laundry, pay the bills, and relax, etc. If I worked, I would never have time to relax or do things with my husband."

If you enjoy what you're doing at work, then it wouldn't be a chore. Plus, I would expect that both parents would share equally in the child rearing and other chores..
298 posted on 11/27/2006 12:27:04 PM PST by Accygirl
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To: HitmanLV
I consider the pot roast to be the metaphor for the ideal 1950s housewife... No modern woman has enough time to cook a pot roast for a weekday meal in today's world, whether or not they stay at home. That ideal is something that I do despise as it significantly limits women's intellectual self-worth. The idea that men would demand that women actually stay in the kitchen and that this idea was accepted by society as okay is abhorrent to me.
299 posted on 11/27/2006 12:33:10 PM PST by Accygirl
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To: HitmanLV
Oh, with a few good questions in a email or phone conversation or on a blind date, you can certainly figure it out. One of the first questions that I general ask is where did you go to college? It's a good, innocuous ice breaker. If a guy answers that he went to a university, but is working a Starbucks, I run far away from it. Ditto with a guy who doesn't plan to go to college. I'd probably continue talking to a student working at Starbucks, but most of those guys generally list their occupation as "Student," not "Starbucks barista."
300 posted on 11/27/2006 12:39:44 PM PST by Accygirl
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