WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

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[SLB]

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"I cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply.

[krunkygirl]

Wonderful!

[MrEdd]

From MCRD San Diego on hearing a recruit refer to himself in first person -
"I"? Are you an "I" ball? Well why don't you just wink yourself into oblivion?

[Stegall Tx]

Just within the last few weeks, I read this somewhere but cannot attribute appropriately:

"The fact that you don't have kids can be explained by both Natural Selection and Intelligent Design."

[R. Scott]

No, this one really wasn’t near as tough as he liked to believe he was – and it was a Transportation boat unit.

[Jack Deth]

I once read a story about Sir Lawrence Olivier where a young method actor (someone we know but I can't think of the name now) was going out and getting drunk and acting up because he had a part in a play like that. Olivier told him: " dear boy, have you ever heard of ACTING?

That was when Hoffman and Sir Lawrence were working on 'Marathon Man', fish hawk.

Hoffman, well schooled in "Method" acting, decided to stay up throughout the night previous to shooting the "Is it safe?" scene. Showed up on set looking like three miles of bad road, which elicited Sir Lawrence's infamous barb.


Jack.

[Northern Yankee]

Was it Will Rogers that said,

"I'd never join a club that would let me in as a member."

[jocon307]

"The fact that you don't have kids can be explained by both Natural Selection and Intelligent Design."


LOL! That's a good one.

[Carolinamom]

That one was by Groucho Marx I think.

[Victoria Delsoul]

Groucho Marx said it, who by the way said so many hilarious things among them:

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.”

“Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.”

[AnAmericanMother]

Another Dr. Sam zinger:

"A woman preaching is like a dog walking on its hind legs. One does not wonder at its being done well, but that it is done at all."

Or . . . "Much may be made of a Scotsman, if caught young."

Read his biography by Boswell. It's as full of his wit as a pudding of plums.

[AnAmericanMother]

Montagu didn't stand a chance against the street fighter Wilkes.

[fish hawk]

Thank you. I couldn't remember the details but did remember the story. Aloha

[tje]

bttt

[Past Your Eyes]

"Every time you think, you weaken the nation." - Moe Howard to (in 3 different Three Stooges shorts) Curley, Larry, Shemp.

"Stand still, thou shittin' aud bovril." - from one of James Herriott's books, quoting an "aud" farmer.
(Sorry, I used the word shit and I wasn't referring to the Clintons.)

[Loud Mime]

Come on. Hoffman made loads of movies and IS a great actor. Give credit where credit is due.....distilling his works down to 2 flicks while forgetting Little Big Man, Midnight Cowboy, etc., just isn't fair to the judged or the judges.

[Northern Yankee]

That's right!

I stand corrected.

[Northern Yankee]

Another great story occurred after/or during the Revolutionary War, when Thomas Jefferson made his way to France.

As he stayed at an Englishman's house as a guest, he asked to use the bathroom. (Not sure where they were at that time...)Anyway they had purposely put a picture of George Washington in the bathroom to insult the guest. When Jefferson came back into the room the host asked how he felt about having a painting of General Washington in the bathroom.

Jefferson smiled and said, "Well... if that doesn't make an Englishman defecate I don't know what will."

[sig226]

One from my father: "If you had another brain it would rattle."

And one from me: "You learned everything you know by listening to yourself discuss subjects you know nothing about."

[ChessExpert]

I didn't see enough from Mark Twain. I must admit that I cheated and used the Internet. Still, they are from Twain:

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean.

[Lurker]

Great book that one.

Folks used to ask me what kind of a Republican I was. I'd tell 'em I was from the P.J. O'Rourke wing of the Party. You know, the one where you've actually got a chance of getting laid....

L