Posted on 07/02/2006 1:06:45 AM PDT by lauriehelds
Keith Borders tries hard not to scare people.
He's 6-foot-7, a garrulous lawyer who talks with his hands.
And he's black.
Many people find him threatening. He works hard to prove otherwise.
"I have a very keen sense of my size and how I communicate," says Borders of Mason, Ohio. "I end up putting my hands in my pockets or behind me. I stand with my feet closer together. With my feet spread out, it looks like I'm taking a stance. And I use a softer voice."
Every day, African-American men consciously work to offset stereotypes about them — that they are dangerous, aggressive, angry. Some smile a lot, dress conservatively and speak with deference: "Yes, sir," or "No, ma'am." They are mindful of their bodies, careful not to dart into closing elevators or stand too close in grocery stores.
It's all about surviving, and trying to thrive, in a nation where biased views of black men stubbornly hang on decades after segregation and where statistics show a yawning gap between the lives of white men and black men. Black men's median wages are barely three-fourths those of whites; nearly 1 in 3 black men will spend time behind bars during his life; and, on average, black men die six years earlier than whites.
Sure, everyone has ways of coping with other people's perceptions: Who acts the same at work as they do with their kids, or their high school friends?
But for black men, there's more at stake. If they don't carefully calculate how to handle everyday situations — in ways that usually go unnoticed — they can end up out of a job, in jail or dead.
"It's a stressful process," Borders says.
Melissa Harris Lacewell, a political scientist at the University of Chicago, says learning to adapt is at the heart of being an American black male.
"Black mothers and fathers socialize their sons to not make waves, to not come up against the authorities, to speak even more politely not only when there are whites present but particularly if there are whites who have power," she said.
"Most black men are able to shift from a sort of relaxed, authentically black pose into a respectable black man pose. Either they develop the dexterity to move back and forth or ultimately they flounder."
It's a lot like a game of chess, says 43-year-old Chester Williams, who owns Chester Electric in New Orleans. He has taught his three sons, ages 16, 14 and 11, to play.
"The rules of the game are universal: White moves first, then black moves," he said. "Black has to respond to the moves that the whites make. You take the advantage when it's available."
Twenty-year-old Chauncy Medder of Brooklyn says his baggy jeans and oversized T-shirts make him seem like "another one of those thuggish black kids." He offsets that with "Southern charm" he learned attending high school in Virginia — "a lot of 'Yes, ma'ams,' and as little slang as possible. When I speak to them (whites), they're like, 'Hey, you're different.'"
Such skillful little changes in style aren't talked about much, especially not outside of black households — there's no reason to tip your hand. As Walter White, a black sales executive from Cincinnati, puts it: "Not talking is a way to get what you want."
He recalled that, "as a child, we all sat down with my mother and father and watched the movie 'Roots,'" the groundbreaking 1970s television miniseries tracing a black family from Africa through slavery and into modern times.
The slaves were quietly obedient around whites. "But as soon as the master was gone," he said, "they did what they really wanted to do. That's what we were taught."
Historians agree that black stereotypes and coping strategies are rooted in America's history of slavery and segregation.
Jay Carrington Chunn's mother taught him "how to read 'Whites Only' and 'Negro Only' before she taught me anything else," said the 63-year-old, who grew up in Atlanta. "Black parents taught you how to react when police stopped you, how to respond to certain problems, how to act in school to get the best grade."
School is still a challenge, even from an early age.
Last year, Yale University research on public school pre-kindergarten programs in 40 states found that blacks were expelled twice as often as whites — and nine out of 10 blacks expelled were boys. The report did not analyze the patterns, but some trace it to negative views about black boys.
Black male children are often "labeled in public schools as being out of control," said Lacewell, who studies black political culture and wrote "Barbershops, Bibles, and BET: Everyday Talk and Black Political Thought."
"If you're a black boy who is smart and energetic and always has the answer and throws his hand up in the air," she said, "you might as a parent say, 'Even if you know the answer you might not want to make a spectacle of yourself. You don't want to call attention to yourself.'"
Bill Fletcher still has nightmares about his third-grade teacher, a white woman who "treated me and other black students as if we were idiots," he said. "She destroyed my confidence."
But his parents were strong advocates, and taught him to cope by having little contact with teachers who didn't take an interest in him, said Fletcher, former president of TransAfrica Forum, a group that builds ties between African-Americans and Africa.
As black boys become adolescents, the dangers escalate. Like most teenagers, they battle raging hormones and identity crises. Many rebel, trying to fit in by mimicking — and sometimes becoming — criminals.
"They are basically seen as public menaces," Lacewell said.
Rasheed Smith, 22, a soft-spoken, aspiring hip-hop lyricist from the Bedford Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn, recently tapped his long fingers, morosely counting his friends killed in neighborhood violence in the last five years — 11 in all. Few spent much time beyond their blocks, let alone their neighborhood. Some sold drugs or got in other trouble and had near-constant contact with police.
Smith has survived by staying close to his family. He advised: "With police, you talk to them the way they talk to you. You get treated how you act."
Twenty years ago, Carol Taylor's teenage son — now a lawyer — was mugged twice near their Brooklyn home, but police officers "treated him like he had done the mugging," she said. She wrote and self-published "The Little Black Book: Survival Commandments for Black Men" filled with tips on how to deal with police: keep your hands visible, carry a camera, don't say much but be polite.
"Don't take this as a time to prove your manhood," wrote Taylor, a retired nurse and community activist who said she's sold thousands of the pocket-sized, $2 books.
And more general advice: "Learn to read, write and type, and to speak English correctly. This is survival, not wishful thinking. If you are going to survive in America, go to college!"
One selective business program at historically black Hampton University in Virginia directs black men to wear dark, conservative suits to class. Earrings and dreadlocked hairstyles are forbidden. Their appearance is "communicating a signal that says you can go into more places," said business school dean Sid Credle. "There's more universal acceptance if you're conservative in your image and dress style."
One graphic artist says he wears a suit when traveling, "even if it's on a weekend. I think it helps. It requests respect."
But in the corporate world, clothing can only help so much, said Janet B. Reid of Global Lead Management Consulting, who advises companies on managing ethnic diversity.
Black men, especially those who look physically imposing, often have a tough time.
"Someone who is tall and muscular will learn to come into a meeting and sit down quickly," she said. "They're trying to lower the big barrier of resistance, one that's fear-based and born of stereotypes."
Having darker brown skin can erect another barrier. Mark Ferguson has worked on Wall Street for 20 years. He has an easy smile and firm, confident handshake.
"I think I clean up pretty well — I dress well, I speak well — but all that goes out the window when I show up at a meeting full of white men," says Ferguson of New Jersey, who is 6-foot-4 and dark-skinned. "It's because they're afraid of me."
"Race always matters," said Ferguson, whose Day in the Life Foundation connects minority teenagers with professionals. "It's always in play."
Fletcher knows his light brown skin gives him an advantage — except that he's "unsmiling."
"If you're a black man who doesn't smile a lot, they (whites) get really nervous," he said. "There are black people I run across all the time and they're always smiling particularly when they're around white people. A lot of white people find that very comforting."
All this takes a toll.
Many black men say the daily maneuvering leaves them enraged and exhausted. For decades, they continuously self-analyze and shift, subtly dampening their personalities. In the end, even the best strategies don't always work.
"I've seen it play out many times" in corporations, said Reid of Global Lead. "They go from depression to corporate suicide. Marital problems can come up. He loses all self confidence and the ability to feel manly and in control of his own fate."
Sherman James, a social psychologist at Duke University, studies how the stress of coping for black men can damage the circulatory system and lead to chronic poor health. Black men are 20 percent more likely to die of heart disease than whites, and they have the highest rates of hypertension in the world, according to the National Medical Association.
The flip side, black men say, is that many learn to be resilient.
Ferguson recalls when a new Wall Street colleague, minutes after meeting him and hearing he grew up in a housing project in Newark, N.J., asked if he had been involved in "any illicit activities" there. He shrugged it off.
Over the years, as he has earned promotions and built client relationships over the phone, he has learned to steel himself for face-to-face meetings — for clients' raised eyebrows and stuttered greetings when they see he is black.
"It just rolls off our backs — we grin and bear it. You can't quit," he said, sighing heavily. He vents his frustrations to mentors and relaxes with his wife and young children.
"Then you go back," he said, "and fight the good fight."
I'm scared already.
who talks with his hands.
6' 7"...talks with hands...?
What planet is he from?
You know what, this is not the white man's fault. Go to any mall and look at a group of young black teenage men and see how they act. They are disrespectful and feral because there is a 75% chance that they do not have a father in their household. I don't think the welfare money stolen from my taxes will help this situation.
My boss is black, his boss is black, and I'm the white guy saying, "yes sir" to them all day long. Just as a subordinate should -- white, black, whatever.
IMHO, it's worse if you're an Arab who happens to be a christian.
Is that right?
I don't know if you've noticed, but lately, the young white men act the same way for the same reason.
Assigning fault isn't doing any good. It's how you react to the situation.
I've seen many white people with the IQ of a donut presume superiority over anybody who's different from them. That ain't right.
I think there is a more fundamental problem: despite the historical reasons which make it understandable, as long as blacks regard speaking properly, acting respectfully and being generally 'non-threatening', dressing reasonably, working hard in school, etc. as "acting white" as opposed to simply normal behavior to be expected of all decent people, and as long as blacks have a 'white face' and 'black face' in different circumstances explicitly taught from childhood, blacks will continue to have serious problems in this country. As long as blacks seek to maintain a separate culture whose behaviors are antithetical to middle class norms, they will find themselves regarded with suspicion, less on account of race than on account of middle class hostility to the culture. It's at least as much about class as it is about race now.
And he's black.
Many people find him threatening. He works hard to prove otherwise.
"I have a very keen sense of my size and how I communicate," says Borders of Mason, Ohio. "I end up putting my hands in my pockets or behind me. I stand with my feet closer together. With my feet spread out, it looks like I'm taking a stance. And I use a softer voice."......
Sherman James, a social psychologist at Duke University, studies how the stress of coping for black men can damage the circulatory system and lead to chronic poor health. Black men are 20 percent more likely to die of heart disease than whites, and they have the highest rates of hypertension in the world, according to the National Medical Association.
Funny, I'm 5'6", so white you can see the veins in my face, and I act the same way when I want to be taken seriously. Now that I know it's bad for you, I guess I'll start cursing out judges...they'll understand that my cholesterol count is on the line.
The entertainment industry itself perpetuates the stereotype with violence associated with African Americans. Popular movies, videos, games, and music closely associate violence with African American males.
As you point out, openly endorsing acting one way around whites (this article might just as well have used the term, "whitey" as being more in keeping with its tone and attitude) and another way around non-whites extends the issues of distrust and victimization upon which so many "leaders" rely as justification of their existence.
All of us have found that we modify our behavior in different environments, and that in the face of hostility it is best to put on a pleasing demeanor (I can think of only a few people who would react to being stopped in traffic by asking the LEO, "What do YOU want, jerk?" Most smile, and throw in a bunch of "sirs" or "ma'ams". It's called discretion).
But when some wanna-be with saggy baggies flashing his tidy-didies, wearing a stack of cheap bling and his hat on sideways tries to come on with his eyes half-closed and his nose in the air, doing the spastic rap hand-gestures while he slurs his slang and does his thang -- I don't see black. I don't see white. I just see idiot.
Not bad advice for anyone. A 6'7 300-lb tatooed Harley rider might likewise want to swap leather gear for a long sleeve white shirt and jacket and trim up a bit for that job interview as an insurance adjuster. Almost goes without saying, in fact.
BS. This sure doesnt describe most black men I know.
Just another story about the victimisation of the poor black man and how tough he has it.
I recently met a black man who apparently went through this course of deference. I didn't actually like it. All the "ma'ams" were just overkill once we established a first-name basis. I felt like he didn't care enough to use my name, and if I'm going to do business with someone, they should appear to be able to take charge when necessary, and that doesn't come across. Those parents are oppressing their own children.
Huh? I'm a WHITE MALE and my mother and father taught me the same lesson about making waves, politness, etc. What am I missing here?
You are 100% right, these "youths" are a festering sore on life itself. Shame to see where all this is going one day.
110 years ago folks fought to free these pri*&'@ great great grand folks. Some where in the future folks will have to fight to lock them up.
African-American, Hispanic, etc. It doesn't matter. The article is missing the insularity issue of all of these various subcultures. It is more than just clothes, music, language, and culture. These are just outward symptoms of the bigger issue which is the Balkanization of the United States into smaller groups, defined mostly by race (with some exceptions).
United we stand is a simple concept. What suprises me is that after all the work from the left to Balkanize our society that we still made it this far.
Black men speak and act one way around whites and one way with other blacks and this, it seems, will never change unless blacks realize that they are dupes used by liberals to fragment our society and weaken us.
Liberals only care about "minority" groups so long as their existence serves the larger agenda of weakening America and destroying what societal unity remains.
Just my two cents, let the flames begin, I suppose....
I recommend two videos: When "Keeping it Real" Goes Wrong (Dave Chappelle) and How Not to Get Your A-- Kicked by the Police (Chris Rock). Warning: Adult language found in both. Those clips take a comic (exaggerated, of course) approach to basically the same issue.
I used to work with a (white) guy who's 6'4" and 280 lbs. He was about the nicest guy I ever met, and even under stress, never raised his voice. He never had to.
I think, on balance, the article's a good one. Even people who I would not describe overall as "prejudiced" have prejudices; that's human. The same behavior that from one guy seems confident and assertive could come across as shrill from a woman, or threatening from a large black man, or uncouth from someone with a thick Southern twang, or overcompensating from someone 5' tall. It's not fair, but it's true, and it's dealing with it is an essential business skill not just for black men, but for anyone.
In your case, the guy was too deferential, and that's a hazard, too. In a general sense, the important skill is being able to read people, to determine how familiar, or how assertive, you can be without putting the other person off. It's a case-by-case determination, a skill, not a formula.
It's a lesson all of us had to learn at one time or another; schoolyard posturing -- "keeping it real" is the current slang term -- is appropriate to that environment, but doesn't cut it at work.
I grew up in a pretty white city but we did have a few black families. The king of the junior prom was a black boy; not b/c he was black, but b/c he was such a nice nice person. I did not even think of black people as anything but people until, as I was growing up, I heard the likes of Jackson and Sharpton and their ilk. If any views I had re: race changed for the worse, it was b/c of them and their race mongering.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.