Judge Rules Dispute to Be Settled By 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' Match (this is not a parody)

http://abcnews.go.com ^ | 6 7 06 | MATT SOKOLOFF

[freepatriot32]

June 7, 2006 — A federal judge ordered two attorneys to settle their dispute by using the children's playground game "rock, paper, scissors."

The ruling yesterday by Judge Gregory Presnell of the U.S. District Court in Orlando, Fla., stated that he was so dissatisfied with the case's "latest in a series of Gordian knots" that he is fashioning "a new form of alternative dispute resolution."

In the dispute at hand, the two attorneys could not agree about where to take the sworn statement of a witness in a case concerning payment of insurance claims.

The judge's order states that the game will take place on June 20, 2006, at 4 p.m. at a "neutral site." If the two attorneys can't agree on a neutral site, the judge said they will have to meet on the courthouse steps.

If one of the lawyers disputes the outcome of the game, he can appeal it, Presnell added. Presnell wouldn't comment on his unusual ruling, but he isn't the only one taking it seriously.

"When someone uses rock, paper, scissors to adjudicate any kind of dispute that is a positive moment for the world," said Matti Leshem, co-commissioner for the USA Rock Paper Scissors League.

Leshem says that he does have some concerns about the rules they will use. He wants to know the number of pumps before the throw or if "illegal" throws will be allowed. To make sure official USARPS rules are followed, Lesham said he and his staff are willing to fly down to Florida to oversee the match.

"We will make sure that rock, paper scissors is not made a mockery by the legal system. When people take rock, paper, scissors into their own hands, mayhem can occur," he said.

The USA Rock Paper Scissors League is getting ready for its national championship on June 12, 2006, where the winner will receive $50,000. The tournament will air on A&E.

[freepatriot32]

Is it just me or is real life surpassing anything that the onion or scrappleface could ever dream up?

[freepatriot32]

You guys should get a kick out of this :-)

Libertarian ping.To be added or removed from my ping list freepmail me or post a message here

[Ruth A.]

I have my boys use rock, paper, scissors to settle things as often as possible.

[DannyTN]

"I have my boys use rock, paper, scissors to settle things as often as possible."

Yes, but do they prepare triplicate paper source documents to document the usuage of rock, paper, scissors while charging clients $250 an hour or more?

[TheConservator]

This judge knows how to embarass a couple of idiot attorneys.

[JennysCool]

Hey, here in Nevada it's the law that you settle a tied election with a deck of cards -- high card drawn wins.

[LibertarianInExile]

It's funny...until they appeal, claiming a violation of their right to due process as a result of the arbitrary adjudication inherent in a ruling-by-Rock, Paper, Scissors.

I would like to know more.

[Ruth A.]

And the judge is preventing them from continuing in such expensive dithering.

When the attorney arrived at St. Peter's gate, he was confused why he was there.

St. Peter replies, "You're 82 years old and lived a reasonably long life." The attorney is dumbfounded and sputters, "I'm only 32!"

Looking in his book, St. Peter says, "Not according to your billable hours."

[Gondring]

[Gondring]

Sponsored by Bud Light...

[DustyMoment]

Once again proving that truth is stranger than fiction. You simply can't make this stuff up.

When a federal court judge makes a ruling that minimalizes and mocks the court system, perhaps it's an indication that we can do with fewer courts and fewer idiot judges!!

[Toby06]

I disagree, it does not mock the court, it mocks the attorneys, showing how childish they are.

Porsonally, I'd ratyher attorneys have to settle it with their left wrists bound together, and a knife in the right hand. Then they'd really earn what they charge.

[mtbopfuyn]

Lawyers should settle disputes by dueling at dawn.

[DustyMoment]

I disagree, it does not mock the court, it mocks the attorneys, showing how childish they are.

Judges have options. They can hear a case, or refuse to hear a case. If the case is stupid at its core, they simply have to refuse to hear it.

But, "punishing" the attorneys who filed the case the judge decided to hear makes a mockery of the court system. Until we have a "loser pays" system, when judges decide to hear stupid cases, it isn't the attorney's fault - it's the idiot judge who decided to hear the case.

[Toby06]

Scissors. Oh yeah, I like scissors!

[Gondring]

I love ROCKS...

I'm a geologist...yeah, that's why.... ;-)

[Samwise]

LOL. Sounds like the lawyers were acting likes bratty kids, so the judge treated them like bratty kids.

[Charlespg]

she could rock me anytime

[redgolum]

Personally, I'd rather attorneys have to settle it with their left wrists bound together, and a knife in the right hand. Then they'd really earn what they charge.

Thunder dome style. Two go in, one comes out.

[Old Student]

It ain't just you, FRiend.