Military 'Brats' Thrive While Coping With Challenges

American Forces Press Service ^ | Elaine Wilson

[SandRat]

FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas, April 4, 2006 – Deployed to Afghanistan for a year, Army Lt. Col. Timothy Newcomer will miss his son's prom, high school graduation and, a few months later, his departure to college.

Army Sgt. 1st Class Eddie Mitchell shares a few minutes with his 6-year-old son, Desmond, April 4 at Desmond's school. Photo by Elaine Wilson  

(Click photo for screen-resolution image);high-resolution image available.

But his son, Matt, is not upset in the least. "He loves to be a soldier, and if it makes him happy, it makes me happy," said Matt, a high school senior. "How can I possibly complain that he's not watching me graduate when he's out there sacrificing for our nation?"

As a military child, Matt represents a segment of the military population sometimes referred to as "unsung heroes" because of the level of sacrifice they never signed on the dotted line to make. "Children are really the hidden heroes of the military family," said Julie Coffey, a 20-year counselor at Robert G. Cole Jr./Sr. High School here. "Their sacrifices may not be as visible as the sacrifices of servicemembers, but are no less important.

"I've seen the faces and names change, but the challenges confronting military children always seem to remain the same throughout the years," Coffey said.

The challenges, in part, include frequent moves and subsequent loss of friendships, separation from parents due to temporary duty or deployments, and academic struggles when faced with differing curriculums and state requirements.

"Moving so much has made me cautious," said Keena Fisher, a high school junior who said she has moved so much she can't "count the moves on both my hands." Keena is the daughter of Army Sgt. 1st Class Daniel Scott and wife, Tina.

"I used to find best friends right away, get really close, but then I'd have to move. It was devastating. I don't get as close to people anymore," she said. "I still open up but not as much as I used to."

"The hardest part for me is not making new friends, it's leaving the old ones behind," Matt added. "You know you're never going back. And no matter how hard you try to stay in touch, the friendships drift away over time."

As friendships are lost throughout the years, Coffey said military children protect themselves by learning not to put down roots as quickly or deeply. "They may look like they are making friends, but, for many, it's not the same depth of commitment (as nonmilitary children)."

While the separations can be painful, Coffey said, military children also manage to pick up a positive attribute along the way -- adaptability.

Keena said past moves have better prepared her for future challenges. "When I was younger, change freaked me out, but not now. Moving so much has taught me to deal with transitions better," she said. "When I go to college, I don't think it will be as hard for me as other kids. I know how to adjust to change and feel prepared."

Their ability to adapt has been called upon frequently in recent years, as military children have been confronted with the possibility that their parents could be sent to fight in a war.

Amazingly, Coffey said, many middle and high schoolers take the separation in stride, most likely due to a support system of military friends and families familiar with the pain and struggles.

"I'm here with my family and friends, and my father is alone in Afghanistan having to meet all new people," Matt said. "I realize the separation probably hurts him more than me. I don't think it's right to be selfish or self-indulgent when our parents are fighting for our freedom."

For the most part, even elementary-age children seem to have an uncanny ability to adapt, said Jayne Hatton, Fort Sam Houston Elementary School principal.

"After a while, I just dealt with it," said Marlene Renz, a fifth grader. Renz's father, Lt. Col. Evan Renz, is a surgeon for the Brooke Army Medical Center burn unit on a six-month deployment to Iraq.

"I'm just happy he's coming home soon. It really helps that we can e-mail and talk on the phone a lot," Marlene said.

Some children handle the separation better than others, Hatton said, so most military schools keep a keen eye on their students for signs of stress or depression and offer a variety of programs to help transitioning students. A more widespread concern for elementary students is academics, the principal said.

"The children are coming from schools from throughout the nation and the world with educational experiences that are inconsistent with Texas requirements," Hatton said. "We have to help them adapt to a new environment. It's hard enough to come to a new school without having to struggle academically."

Although confronted by a host of challenges, military children not only survive, they thrive, said Hatton, also a military "brat."

"I've noticed that along with an ability to adapt, military children also have an urge to contribute," she said. "You only have to look around at the contributions of the military in this city to see it. Children pick up the values of their parents."

Keena said she is grateful for the values that have been instilled in her as far back as she can remember. "Being a military kid is a lot of responsibility, but that's a good thing," she said. "I've been raised to be a leader; my mom and dad are leaders. Because you have to cope with a lot more, you can deal with everyday life and situations better."

Matt said he is also grateful for his exposure to different cultures and parts of the world. "I know there are people in small towns who never left their hometowns, never experienced half of what I have," he said.

"It's a small Army," Marlene added. "I've run into people in the hall that I met in other places. I miss my old friends, but I'll always remember them. And I never know if I'll run into them again, too."

The military influence seems to be a lasting one, Coffey said. "A lot of them don't want anything to do with the military when they grow up, but end up in it anyway," she said. "They want to serve their country for the same reasons as their parents."

(Elaine Wilson is assigned to the Public Information Office of Fort Sam Houston, Texas.)

[SandRat]

Resilient Military Brats PING

[ut1992]

I don't think there are any tougher kids then Military Brats. My Dad (20+ years - Army Retired) always tells my Mom, brothers and I that we too "put in our time" defending our country; i.e. moving every few months or years from continent to continent, stood "strong" during his many absences, mom essentially raised five boys alone and kept the family together while fulfilling her duties as a officer's wife. Heck, I alone attended four High Schools, in two countries, by the beginning of my Junior year.

I'm sure the following has been posted in the past, but I still think they are pretty amusing;

You know you are a military brat if you...
...meet another military brat sometime somewhere and are instantly bonded.
...were more interested in your new friend's father's rank than what color your friend was.
...are amazed at people who have lived somewhere more than three years.
...are amazed at people who have who have never seen foreign currency.
...are amazed at people who think Frankfurt is a some kind of hot dog.
...are asked is it hard always moving around when you don't know anything different.
...are brought to tears by military music.
...are going to a grocery store but call it a commissary.
...bagged groceries at the commissary on payday.
...can ask for a beer in most European languages.
...can call up actual memories of a country while you're in Geography class.
...can identify ranks and duty station by the stickers on the car's bumper.
...can not speak the language of the country in which you were born.
...can recite all of the AFRTS commercials along with the television.
...can still convert foreign currency in your head.
...can talk to anyone and everyone from anywhere and everywhere.
...craved to have a class six ration card.
...didn't save things so you wouldn't go over the weight allowance of the next move.
...do not understand why many of your friends are afraid to be in an airplane.
...don't believe it when someone tells you they never left their hometown.
...don't remember the names of your childhood friends.
...draw a quick map of the world to show someone where you last lived.
...enjoy seeing guys in fatigues on city streets.
...ever got sick eating chocolate field rations.
...every room you've ever had was stark white and you couldn't put nail holes in the walls.
...everyone complains about your name being the most scratched out in their address book.
...felt like a part of history that was happening around you.
...find that you can easily amuse yourself for hours at airports, train or bus stations.
...get nostalgic when seeing O.D. Green.
...get the itch to move every 3-4 years and forever feel like the outsider in the civilian world.
...give someone a break because they are in the military.
...got grounded or restricted to quarters or put on KP duty.
...graduated from a high school you only attended for a year.
...had a father who was always telling to "police the area".
...had a pup-tent in your yard until your parents found out what was going on in there.
...had a supply of K-Rations that you traded with your friends.
...had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners in a mess hall
...had your introductory speech prepared and memorized for your first day at a new school .
...had your school lunches planned and served by people wearing sergeant or private stripes.
...have been asked just where in NY APO is.
...have to explain that being born in Germany does not make you German.
...have to explain why your SSN is from an APO and your home of record and state of residence don't match.
...have USAA as your insurance company.
...know exactly how horrible AFN commercials are.
...kept evac-backpacks by the front door with clothing and passports in case "IT" happened.
...knew the rank and name of the kid next door's father before meeting the kid next door.
...know what "the land of the big PX is."
...left school frequently for bomb scares.
...most of your siblings were born in various foreign lands.
...name schools in three countries on two continents when asked what high school you attended.
...notice Tom Cruise in uniform, outside with no hat and having a non-regulation haircut in Top Gun.
...panic when you can't find your i.d or passport.
...polished your fathers boots and brass for his upcoming inspection.
...remember being able to watch the Super Bowl or World Series live on TV at 2 am.
...remember Chris Noel's dedication show on Armed Forces radio during the Vietnam war.
...remember hanging out at the AYA.
...tell everyone you are from a town that you haven't lived in since you were 4 years old.
...thought all pens had "US Government" printed on them.
...thought everyone slept under green or blue wool blankets that had "US" on them.
...thought that a firing range made a great playground.
...thought that the Quartermaster was the real Santa Claus.
...thought vacations meant going stateside to visit the grandparents.
...try to take out your ID card when you enter a grocery store.
...used the federal warnings on your I.D. card to convince your cousins that you were a military agent.
...when your civilian boss has to ask you more than once not to say Yes sir and No sir.
...you went on week-long field trips to England, France and Italy.

[Mr Ramsbotham]

Or if you refer to a big jet as a "freedom bird."

[RightWinger]

Former Air Force brat here.
Father was E-9, 30 years service.
My son will retire in a year and a half with 20 years in.

Military brats are tough and know how to cope because they have to.

Brats Rule!

[Rushmore Rocks]

Wow, did this post ever hit home. I am a military brat from the WWII era.

My father served in the South Pacific and then was transferred to Germany for the Berlin Air lift. We (my mom,little sister, and I) went to Munich, Germany in 1949 to join my Dad. Returned to the USA in 1953. After that, we were stationed in Japan, Honolulu, Anchorage, back to Germany,and finally my Dad retired at Altus Air Force Base in Oklahoma.

I have an education that most would envy, speak several languages, and know how to "get around" in this world. Lots of positives there. But, on the downside....I have no hometown....and, at that time, never had a friend more than one year. We were afraid to get too close to anyone, because we knew it wouldn't last. A new post was always a week or a month away. But, the "Brats" were a super family. And our personal families, I think, were closer because we had to draw our strength from each other.

A parade was not clowns and floats. It was John Philips Souza, American flags, marching, precision drill teams, and uniforms. And they were wonderful.

Being a military "Brat" made me the very proud patriot that I am today.

No regrets. But now I am very happy to be able to plant a tree and watch it grow.

[Calpernia]

Deployed to Afghanistan for a year, Army Lt. Col. Timothy Newcomer will miss his son's prom, high school graduation and, a few months later, his departure to college.

[MikefromOhio]

heh I'm one of those brats...

I think we moved 5 times in my first 4 years of life :)

[eyespysomething]

my Dad retired at Altus Air Force Base in Oklahoma.

LOL, I was born at AltusAFB, moved when I was 6 months old. My kids still ask me about 4-5 times a year, "Where were you born Mommy?" It might as well be a foreign land to them.

But that's ok, all my brothers were born in ND (Minot - brrr!)

[mark502inf]

My wife has made every one of our 19 houses into homes. Our oldest two were born in Germany and went to eight different schools in California, Kansas, Tennessee, New York, Pennsylvania, and Florida. They are wonderful girls and will both graduate from college next year. My son is doing even better--he will be reporting to Fort Benning in August for Basic Training and then Airborne School. They all put up with a lot and they truly are the unsung heroes.

[SunTzuWu]

Great post. I can relate to about 80% of those observations. Dad was career Air Force. I was born in Bittburg West Germany. Lived in most of the states East of the Mississippi along with Canada and Okinawa. He retired when I was sixteen, I graduated from High School at seventeen. I don't regret it one bit.

...have to explain that being born in Germany does not make you German.
...every room you've ever had was stark white and you couldn't put nail holes in the walls.

LOL

[zeaal]

Me, I'm an Army Brat, daughter of CWO-4 (30 years).

[E.G.C.]

BTTT

[ut1992]

Ahh, "fly guys" as we used to call you guys whenever when would drive on to an AFB.

Our family celebrated my nephew's graduation from AF boot camp about 1.5 months ago; Lackland AFB. The legacy of our military family continues; e.g. we now have had family members in all of the branches of our Armed Forces.

During "our" tours in Germany we lived in Mannheim, Karlsruhe, Hanau, Mainz and two of my brothers were born in Germany (Heidelberg and Wiesbaden).

Two weeks ago my brother (the one born in Heidelberg) and I had a business trip to Seattle and Vancouver (BC) to meet with clients. We rented a car for the drive between WA and BC, and as we were crossing back across the border the US Custom Officer looked at my brother's passport a saw P.O.B. Heidelberg, Germany the first words out of the officers mouth was..."military brat, right". It turns out that he had also a Army Brat and had lived in Heidelberg as a kid. With a wink and nod he waved us through.

I still remember as a kid getting this treatment at border crossings when we lived in Europe; we traveled to almost all of the country's in western Europe during our tours there. We'd pull up to the border checkpoints in our American car with "military" plates, Dad would hold up our blue passports to the windshield and we'd get waved through.