Posted on 04/01/2006 6:40:33 PM PST by twippo
SELMER, Tenn. - Mary Winkler was the quiet, unassuming wife of a small-town, by-the-Bible preacher, seemingly devoted to church and family. But now her husband, Matthew, is dead and she is charged with shooting him in the back with a shotgun.
Authorities won't discuss a motive, and church members say they didn't see any indication she was unhappy. But experts say preachers' wives often struggle with depression and isolation, expected to be exemplars of Christian virtue while bearing unique pressures on their private and public lives.
Gayle Haggard, author of "A Life Embraced: A Hopeful Guide for the Pastor's Wife," said ministers' wives can feel isolated because of a misconception about leadership, since they and their husbands are leaders of their congregations.
They can feel trapped, she said, by unrealistic expectations "to live a certain way, to dress a certain way, for their children to behave a certain way."
And ministers' wives often find themselves handling more jobs than they expected to take on, said Becky Hunter, current president of the Global Pastors Wives Network.
"You're not really hired, and yet there is some expectation in most church settings that the pastor's wife comes along in a package deal," Hunter said.
Too often, ministers and their wives are reluctant to seek emotional help from members of their congregations because they're looked up to as leaders, said Lois Evans, a former president of the Global Pastors Wives Network. They can become isolated, lonely and depressed.
"This family needed help," said Evans. "It seems like there was no place to turn to and no place to talk and it became an explosive situation."
Matthew Winkler, 31, was found dead in a bedroom at the couple's parsonage Wednesday night in Selmer, a town of 4,400 people about 80 miles east of Memphis. Mary Winkler, 32, and her three young daughters were found Thursday night leaving a restaurant in Orange Beach, Ala., about 340 miles from Selmer. Orange Beach Police Chief Billy Wilkins said she had rented a condo on the beach after the slaying.
She was charged with first-degree murder and ordered held without bail. Tennessee Bureau of Investigation agent John Mehr said authorities know the motive for the killing, but he would not disclose it.
Mary Winkler was working part-time as a substitute teacher and taking college courses to get a teaching certificate as well as raising her three children and serving the congregation as its preacher's wife.
"You know she was weighted down," said Jimmie Smith, a member of Matthew Winkler's Fourth Street Church of Christ congregation and a retired psychiatric nurse.
Defense lawyer Steve Farese refused to talk about the Winklers' private life or if they had personal troubles.
"I can't discuss anything she's told me," Farese said. "But I think you have to look at the entire picture. You can't look at the end of a story and determine what the beginning and middle were."
Actually in the knee cap is the best place for a lifetime of not forgetting. A foot heals pretty good and you may or may not have a limp, but the knee cap!!!!Actually it was a minister's wife that told me this many years ago.
I think the same. I am not going to judge her until I know all the facts.
Yet another AP article taking any opportunity to bash Christianity.
Now eeeeeevil "preachers" are abusive to women because they have a strained environment.
This relates back to hate crimes and the effort to criminalize chrisitainity.
-Those who have the conscience of faith are homophobic because they teach their children homosexuality is wrong.
-Those who have the conscience of faith are rapists because they don't support abortion on demand
-Those who have the conscience of faith are intollerant because they don't see a religion of peace when its leaders advocate homicide bombers
-Those who have the conscience of faith are hate mongers because they teach there is a right and a wrong.
and now
-Those who have the conscience of faith are wife abusers because their career path involves being a christian preacher.
(newsflash for the ignorant AP reporter, the orthodox faith has had married priests for a few centuries. They seem to have the same human problems AND successes as any other marriage.)
Seriously, it must be very embarassy for institutions of higher learnign to admit their graduates work for the AP.
-Those who have the conscience of faith are
-Those who have the conscience of faith are
Those who have the conscience of faith are
"Seriously, it must be very embarassy for institutions of higher learnign to admit their graduates work for the AP."
Having worked in radio, and having press credentials for the local NASCAR track... I can assure you that almost anyone in a member organization can submit an AP story, and AP does nothing to check for accuracy. AP does have some writers on its staff, but you'll note that they are rarely given credit for their stories.
The AP is one of the worst for "formula" stories (a term now picked up by Rush Limbaugh). In that light, you rightly note that this story is another "formula" story that comes out when something goes tragically wrong among religious people.
Recently I heard that he was planning to get married. This seemed odd as I recalled him having been married for many years, with grown children. I was able to piece together the story that his first marriage had broken up over the subject of gay marriage.
Neither he nor his wife were gay, but apparently during all the recent news on this topic, he had publicly stated that he was not against gay marriage and as an ordained minister would perform them if asked. His wife was opposed to this position and was distressed by the fact that as he was a public figure, everyone would assume that she agreed with him. According to his ex-wife, somehow this argument was severe enough to break up a decades-long marriage.
Sometime time ago before I had heard about the marriage controversy, it was announced that this would be this man's last year as president of this college. This was surprising as it had seemed that this guy was a perfect fit and would be there for life. For a long time we had no idea if this was his choice or that of the trustees. Recently we learned that he had indeed been dismissed. As he was well liked and had raised a lot of money for the college, it seems that perhaps some of his controversial public positions were a factor in turning a majority of the trustees against him. Apparently he had also come out against the war in Iraq.
Whatever!
omg...don't you mean a "man and a woman"? ...this is Freerepublic afterall. /sarc
Celibacy is UNNATURAL!
"This does not happen in the Catholic Religion"
Nope. Just priests raping altar boys
"Celibacy is UNNATURAL!"
It's unscriptural, too.
Doubtful anything will change, however. Other than with that particular congregation where the murder too place.
I think there needs to be a distinction. The United Church of Christ is just another liberal, mainstream, protestant denomination of little significance or solid biblical teaching. The International Churches of Christ, re the Boston Church of Christ, is a den of snakes and definitely a cult who preach salvation by baptism (works salvation).
Divorce is equal to murder in the eyes of G-d?
They especially thought Catholics were damned. Lutherans, Baptists, etc. were all going to hell because they didn't go to the correct church. I don't know if all Church of Christ congregations are like this, but some are
It's unscriptural, too.
You must not be familiar with Paul's encouragement of celibacy. (1 Corinthians chapter 7)
"You must not be familiar with Paul's encouragement of celibacy. (1 Corinthians chapter 7)"
I'm very familiar with it. He never encouraged it as a doctrine to be imposed without exception as the Roman church does. His exceptions here are at least as notable as the mention of being like him, as he was, traveling without a wife.
He said by all means marry. There's nothing wrong with it.
Peter did.
But I think this dynamic plays out in the most fundamental area of society and the church: families and the men in the families who are supposed to be the "spiritual leaders" of the home. The same expectations we place on pastors we place on husbands.
The church should be a place men can go to get support and encouragement.
Instead we get "Promise Keepers" (blame the men) and numerous support groups for abused women (blame the men) and blame the men teachings and attitudes.
These expectations and attitudes feed off each other. And if that man should fall ... blame the man for not being a good "spiritual leader" and throw him out of the church. On many occasions abandoning someone outside his church leads to spiritual suicide. "Kill the wounded".
Far too many times (and speaking from my own experience) I have seen where the wives can be as irresponsible as they want to be at home, but if anything goes wrong with the marriage: blame the husband/blame the man. Bring up this uncomfortable observation and you get: "but what are YOU doing about YOUR problem?" Blame the man.
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