But I think this dynamic plays out in the most fundamental area of society and the church: families and the men in the families who are supposed to be the "spiritual leaders" of the home. The same expectations we place on pastors we place on husbands.
The church should be a place men can go to get support and encouragement.
Instead we get "Promise Keepers" (blame the men) and numerous support groups for abused women (blame the men) and blame the men teachings and attitudes.
These expectations and attitudes feed off each other. And if that man should fall ... blame the man for not being a good "spiritual leader" and throw him out of the church. On many occasions abandoning someone outside his church leads to spiritual suicide. "Kill the wounded".
Far too many times (and speaking from my own experience) I have seen where the wives can be as irresponsible as they want to be at home, but if anything goes wrong with the marriage: blame the husband/blame the man. Bring up this uncomfortable observation and you get: "but what are YOU doing about YOUR problem?" Blame the man.
I am not really following your whole "blame the man" mentality here... I don't really think society has quite the expectations of men (in marriages)as you are suggesting.