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Open Editorial: You Named Your Baby WHAT???
Onyx Magazine ^ | March, 2006 | Josephine Hammond

Posted on 03/30/2006 12:41:35 PM PST by twippo

Someone needs to sit our people down and have a healthy discussion about the names we as African Americans are giving our children. We are hurting our kids and putting their futures in peril from the moment they are born.

That’s right, I said it. We are KILLING our kids and crippling their futures with the names we give them. Don’t you want your kids to get JOBS someday? Good jobs, and serious careers? With a name like Jaquez Ja’Quan Diante’, you’re dooming your sons to a life of drug dealing on some seedy street corner.

Our Black men face enough challenges. I do not subscribe to the notion that we are giving our children names that “convey pride in their African Heritage”. We’re way off the mark. I’ve got dear friends from all over Africa, and their children have beautiful cultural names like Akos, Ama, and Fia.

Notice how neither of those names had a “quita” in it? Or an “eisha”? Or more than four syllables? That’s because even in the motherland, they don’t give their kids the crazy names that we do in Black America. Many Africans even RESENT the implication that these names stem from their culture. I’ve yet to meet anyone from any African nation named Shaquandiniquah Takei’sha, or any other of the ‘colorful’ monikers we’re pinning on brand new precious lives.

Parents, we are stacking the odds against our children from birth. We’ve been doing it for generations, but we get mighty cross when white and mainstream America laughs and mocks us. With a name like Quieshianiquita (I know, I can’t pronounce it either), you’re dooming your children to employment at no better than a dollar store or the nearest fast-food joint.

You are automatically relegated in the minds of many to second-class citizenry, because when they hear the name, they instantly categorize you as ignorant, ghetto, incompetent, uneducated, and not worthy of much respect or basic human considerations.

We hear so often about African American students who excel in school, etc. and “beat the odds.” Well, guess what? Often times, the “odds they have to beat” is the tough challenge of being taken seriously in America with the atrocious name you gave them...names like Jaqui’sheia Sha’qu’an Tai’isha. If they can get someone to look past the name (and quit laughing), there is remarkable talent there in that person.

Unfortunately though, much of mainstream America isn’t willing to find this out. Come in with the wrong name, and you are nothing more than fodder for stereotypical, distasteful jokes. We as African Americans face enough challenges as it is. Our kids deserve a better start and a way better shot than this.

You’re angry with me? I can live with that. Now answer this: when have you ever seen an IBM Executive or a fancy New York office with a fancy highrise office door nameplate that says “Quandaniquah Roshel-Shaquita, Chief Executive Officer”? When? You don’t, and you never have, because the reality is, corporate America and a huge chuck of mainstream doesn’t have a high regard for those names. Quite frankly, you won’t be taken seriously.

I’ve been behind many a closed door with white corporate America. Oddly enough, many of them still see the Negro in the room as ‘non-existent’ or invisible, so they talked like I wasn’t even in the room. I hear everything they say. When Nakia Shaniquah-Quashiqua fills out an application, they have a field day in the office. Once they get their fill of ghetto and ‘weave’ jokes and ripping you to pieces sight unseen, they usually toss the application, or it gets stuck in the ‘bottom of the pile’. If they do hire you, you’re relegated to some meaningless, inconsequential task behind the scenes so they won’t be embarrased by you.

I’ve learned the harsh truth that right or wrong, no quality mainstream company wants someone named (oh just pick a name) representing them in the forefront. We don’t hear that, though. We just want you to get the name right, and look at you funny if you don’t. I recall a time a young woman got really cross with me because her name was LaShi’quita and I forgot to capitalize the ‘S’ and left the little accent mark off the first ‘i’ - how was I supposed to know? But lawd ha’mercy...what did I do THAT for? She was mad, hostile, and ready to FIGHT! It was a BIG ridiculously overblown embarassing ordeal (for her), and that’s OUR fault, parents.

She wouldn’t have such a huge chip on her shoulder and be so defensive, confrontational and mean if we had just given her a name that the average person can pronounce or spell. No spell check in the world can help, so most of her existence is spent correcting the spelling of her name, and feeling disrespected because people can’t get it right. We set her up for this constant and unnecessary battle.

I do not advocate naming all our children Bobby and Susie. But let’s do our babies a favor and keep the syllables down to a minimum, leave out the suffixes “quita”, “sheika”,“eisha”, “niqua”, “quan”...anysuffix with the letter ‘Q’. I could go on, but you get where I'm headed.And if you want your child to have an authentic African or other ethnic name, do a little research. Don’t just make up a name and expect the world to be able to spell and pronounce it. You're not being original or cute. That child has to LIVE with that horrible name, and that's not funny...or cute.

Amen. Now pass the cornbread.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: africanamerican; aquanetta; babynames; black; brerrabbit; byanyothername; children; deandre; dejames; ebonics; jaquezjaquan; lemonjello; name; names; nintendo; orangejello; spechal; unusualnames
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To: Antoninus

Many years ago I knew a set of triplets named Sandy,
Shelly and Rocky Beach.

But that's nothing compared to the wacky names now.


561 posted on 03/30/2006 2:35:24 PM PST by wouldntbprudent (If you can: Contribute more (babies) to the next generation of God-fearing American Patriots!)
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To: Little Bill

The only Heber I knew personally was Heber Jentzsch, a senior official In the Church of Scientology...


562 posted on 03/30/2006 2:36:27 PM PST by null and void (Perhaps hating America is for those for whom hating Jews just isn't enough. - Philippe Roger)
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To: usnavy45

LOL!


563 posted on 03/30/2006 2:36:29 PM PST by Don Carlos ("Beer is proof God loves us". B. Franklin)
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To: twippo
While doing genealogical research I ran across a long-deceased distant cousin named Parshandatha.

Turns out to be a Biblical name, from Esther 9:7. Only problem was that the original Parshandatha was one of the sons of Haman, and the relative named for him was a girl.

Perhaps the parents picked the name by opening up the Bible and picking the first name they saw.

564 posted on 03/30/2006 2:36:50 PM PST by Verginius Rufus
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To: Antoninus
My friend worked in Parkland's ER and they had the Keflin and Keflex twins....FYI antibiotic names

Never mind the little girl named Vagina
565 posted on 03/30/2006 2:37:48 PM PST by Kimmers (Liberals suck the fun out of life)
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To: Don Carlos
Re: you tagline,

The full quote is:

"Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy". B. Franklin

566 posted on 03/30/2006 2:37:48 PM PST by null and void (Perhaps hating America is for those for whom hating Jews just isn't enough. - Philippe Roger)
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To: null and void

Sure! I might not post much, but I'd love to read about it!


Whiled away a week of vacation one year watching one episode after another. Great show!

Anyway, thanks in advance for the pings. I look forward to them.


567 posted on 03/30/2006 2:39:14 PM PST by pollyannaish
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To: Beelzebubba

You got it: the name is just a proxy for the type of upbringing the kid will receive. It's not the name that dooms the kid, per se. It's that the name reflects that the kid has dumb parents and probably wasn't brought up wisely.


568 posted on 03/30/2006 2:41:08 PM PST by wouldntbprudent (If you can: Contribute more (babies) to the next generation of God-fearing American Patriots!)
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To: Dr. Bogus Pachysandra

You were talking about a Noble Justice from WV, earlier. He is maybe from Southern WV, McDowell County or Mingo County. There are all kinds of Justices and Justuses in that part of the world.


569 posted on 03/30/2006 2:41:39 PM PST by old_sage_says ("Man does not live by his words alone, despite the fact that he sometimes has to eat them" A S)
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To: colorcountry
Mormon names Heber, Nephi, Orrin, Ammon, Lehi.....

Okay, you have to be fair to the Mormons. They also have Alan, Wayne, Merrill, Jay, Donny, Marie and Jimmy. Pretty mainstream there.

570 posted on 03/30/2006 2:42:11 PM PST by TXBubba ( Democrats: If they don't abort you then they will tax you to death.)
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To: pollyannaish

It's a very seldom used list...


571 posted on 03/30/2006 2:42:26 PM PST by null and void (Perhaps hating America is for those for whom hating Jews just isn't enough. - Philippe Roger)
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To: D.P.Roberts

Morgan was a strictly male name for a while but just after my brother was born they started naming females Morgan. Sad:(


572 posted on 03/30/2006 2:43:11 PM PST by onja ("The government of England is a limited mockery." (France is a complete mockery.)
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To: lawdude
I recall a young black girl named Placenta!

So does everyone else it appears.

573 posted on 03/30/2006 2:43:49 PM PST by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: floydian7

"Braxton Hicks" - My youngest grandson, 10 weeks old is Braxton. Daughter thought it had a "sound" to it.


574 posted on 03/30/2006 2:43:50 PM PST by Don Carlos ("Beer is proof God loves us". B. Franklin)
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To: 5Madman2

I grew up with a kid named Thomas Thomas Thomas.


575 posted on 03/30/2006 2:43:53 PM PST by silverkor
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To: wouldntbprudent
Names from second grade:
Ke'Asha
Tyrekis
Anahstrailya
Mynish (mothers name Dinish)

And an incredibly sweet blonde haired, blue eyed beauty named...Anna Nicole.

576 posted on 03/30/2006 2:44:11 PM PST by Dianna
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To: AppyPappy; lawdude

Along with "Eura" "Ura" "Youra" Pigg/Hogg...who again, never existed.


577 posted on 03/30/2006 2:45:24 PM PST by TXBubba ( Democrats: If they don't abort you then they will tax you to death.)
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To: eyedigress

Mrs. R2 is a teacher. There - honext to God - is a Shi-thead in 2nd grade at her school.


578 posted on 03/30/2006 2:46:12 PM PST by Responsibility2nd (A Moose Once Bit my Sister. Yeah. She Turned Moose-lim.)
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To: Chickensoup

A friend of mine calls himself Hamma instead of Mohhammed.


579 posted on 03/30/2006 2:46:14 PM PST by onja ("The government of England is a limited mockery." (France is a complete mockery.)
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To: Little Bill
That's different, how did a Choctaw, get a Mormon name?

I was told that when they came to California, they went through Heber, AZ and thought it was a cool name for a kid.

580 posted on 03/30/2006 2:46:35 PM PST by DejaJude (Admiral Clark said, "Our mantra today is life, liberty and the pursuit of those who threaten it!")
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