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Open Editorial: You Named Your Baby WHAT???
Onyx Magazine ^ | March, 2006 | Josephine Hammond

Posted on 03/30/2006 12:41:35 PM PST by twippo

Someone needs to sit our people down and have a healthy discussion about the names we as African Americans are giving our children. We are hurting our kids and putting their futures in peril from the moment they are born.

That’s right, I said it. We are KILLING our kids and crippling their futures with the names we give them. Don’t you want your kids to get JOBS someday? Good jobs, and serious careers? With a name like Jaquez Ja’Quan Diante’, you’re dooming your sons to a life of drug dealing on some seedy street corner.

Our Black men face enough challenges. I do not subscribe to the notion that we are giving our children names that “convey pride in their African Heritage”. We’re way off the mark. I’ve got dear friends from all over Africa, and their children have beautiful cultural names like Akos, Ama, and Fia.

Notice how neither of those names had a “quita” in it? Or an “eisha”? Or more than four syllables? That’s because even in the motherland, they don’t give their kids the crazy names that we do in Black America. Many Africans even RESENT the implication that these names stem from their culture. I’ve yet to meet anyone from any African nation named Shaquandiniquah Takei’sha, or any other of the ‘colorful’ monikers we’re pinning on brand new precious lives.

Parents, we are stacking the odds against our children from birth. We’ve been doing it for generations, but we get mighty cross when white and mainstream America laughs and mocks us. With a name like Quieshianiquita (I know, I can’t pronounce it either), you’re dooming your children to employment at no better than a dollar store or the nearest fast-food joint.

You are automatically relegated in the minds of many to second-class citizenry, because when they hear the name, they instantly categorize you as ignorant, ghetto, incompetent, uneducated, and not worthy of much respect or basic human considerations.

We hear so often about African American students who excel in school, etc. and “beat the odds.” Well, guess what? Often times, the “odds they have to beat” is the tough challenge of being taken seriously in America with the atrocious name you gave them...names like Jaqui’sheia Sha’qu’an Tai’isha. If they can get someone to look past the name (and quit laughing), there is remarkable talent there in that person.

Unfortunately though, much of mainstream America isn’t willing to find this out. Come in with the wrong name, and you are nothing more than fodder for stereotypical, distasteful jokes. We as African Americans face enough challenges as it is. Our kids deserve a better start and a way better shot than this.

You’re angry with me? I can live with that. Now answer this: when have you ever seen an IBM Executive or a fancy New York office with a fancy highrise office door nameplate that says “Quandaniquah Roshel-Shaquita, Chief Executive Officer”? When? You don’t, and you never have, because the reality is, corporate America and a huge chuck of mainstream doesn’t have a high regard for those names. Quite frankly, you won’t be taken seriously.

I’ve been behind many a closed door with white corporate America. Oddly enough, many of them still see the Negro in the room as ‘non-existent’ or invisible, so they talked like I wasn’t even in the room. I hear everything they say. When Nakia Shaniquah-Quashiqua fills out an application, they have a field day in the office. Once they get their fill of ghetto and ‘weave’ jokes and ripping you to pieces sight unseen, they usually toss the application, or it gets stuck in the ‘bottom of the pile’. If they do hire you, you’re relegated to some meaningless, inconsequential task behind the scenes so they won’t be embarrased by you.

I’ve learned the harsh truth that right or wrong, no quality mainstream company wants someone named (oh just pick a name) representing them in the forefront. We don’t hear that, though. We just want you to get the name right, and look at you funny if you don’t. I recall a time a young woman got really cross with me because her name was LaShi’quita and I forgot to capitalize the ‘S’ and left the little accent mark off the first ‘i’ - how was I supposed to know? But lawd ha’mercy...what did I do THAT for? She was mad, hostile, and ready to FIGHT! It was a BIG ridiculously overblown embarassing ordeal (for her), and that’s OUR fault, parents.

She wouldn’t have such a huge chip on her shoulder and be so defensive, confrontational and mean if we had just given her a name that the average person can pronounce or spell. No spell check in the world can help, so most of her existence is spent correcting the spelling of her name, and feeling disrespected because people can’t get it right. We set her up for this constant and unnecessary battle.

I do not advocate naming all our children Bobby and Susie. But let’s do our babies a favor and keep the syllables down to a minimum, leave out the suffixes “quita”, “sheika”,“eisha”, “niqua”, “quan”...anysuffix with the letter ‘Q’. I could go on, but you get where I'm headed.And if you want your child to have an authentic African or other ethnic name, do a little research. Don’t just make up a name and expect the world to be able to spell and pronounce it. You're not being original or cute. That child has to LIVE with that horrible name, and that's not funny...or cute.

Amen. Now pass the cornbread.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: africanamerican; aquanetta; babynames; black; brerrabbit; byanyothername; children; deandre; dejames; ebonics; jaquezjaquan; lemonjello; name; names; nintendo; orangejello; spechal; unusualnames
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To: old_sage_says

I was delivered by Doctor Slaughter and my mother lived.


441 posted on 03/30/2006 1:53:01 PM PST by Ditter
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To: Calpernia

Fluffy Applepants!


442 posted on 03/30/2006 1:53:12 PM PST by Altamira (Get the UN out of the US, and the US out of the UN!)
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To: jocon307

My daughter named her girls and boys as if they would be CEOs of a fortune 300 company.


443 posted on 03/30/2006 1:53:15 PM PST by cajungirl (no)
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To: lesko

Yeah, like Dweezil Zappa


444 posted on 03/30/2006 1:53:33 PM PST by antisocial (Texas SCV - Deo Vindice)
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To: A. Patriot

My co-worker was named Leslie Queen.

He changed his names years ago.


445 posted on 03/30/2006 1:53:41 PM PST by eyespysomething
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To: jocon307
I'm glad I'm not the only one. My children have slightly unusual names, but they all had to pass the POTUS/SCOTUS test.

I mean, no offense, but please: Ladies and gentleman, the President of the United States...Pixie Ann Smith or Bubba Smith Jr.

You have to be careful about that sort of thing!
446 posted on 03/30/2006 1:54:00 PM PST by pollyannaish
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To: Skooz

I think that name generator has a very limited loop of names. Of the 6 names I entered, I got Shausha twice, Shuakwe twice, Shawasha, and Shaft.


447 posted on 03/30/2006 1:54:07 PM PST by Don W (Stoneage man survived thousands of years of bitter-cold ice. Modern man WILLsurvive global warming.)
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Comment #448 Removed by Moderator

To: HairOfTheDog
I dunno.... Newt did OK.

Hummm....Father Newt...nope, doesn't work.

449 posted on 03/30/2006 1:54:45 PM PST by TXBubba ( Democrats: If they don't abort you then they will tax you to death.)
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To: Xenalyte

In my family, there was a Cecil, a Hazel, a Minnie, and a Vern.

Ernest Buford? I can't compete with that!


450 posted on 03/30/2006 1:54:48 PM PST by Altamira (Get the UN out of the US, and the US out of the UN!)
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To: Xenalyte
How about Madycin

It looks like a new antibiotic.

451 posted on 03/30/2006 1:55:06 PM PST by beaversmom
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To: colorcountry
better than Shebangs

Reminds me of the 50's pop-rock tune that went "She-bang, She-bang, sha naa naa naa naa naa naa, she-bang".

I just dated my self with that one.

452 posted on 03/30/2006 1:56:02 PM PST by Don Carlos ("Beer is proof God loves us". B. Franklin)
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To: utahagen

This guy is 100% right.""

Unless you are playing on words, I think JOSEPHINE is a lady.....


453 posted on 03/30/2006 1:56:11 PM PST by ridesthemiles
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To: Cheesel

How fruity. I went to high school with a girl named Penny Nickle. She actually made earrings out of a penny and a nickle.


454 posted on 03/30/2006 1:56:13 PM PST by BJClinton (No war. For oil.)
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To: TXBubba

Thanks for the ping. This is the kind of thread I need after all the immigration threads.


455 posted on 03/30/2006 1:56:20 PM PST by beaversmom
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To: pollyannaish
I don't mind it so much anymore, but growing up it was a pain not being an 'Amy'

I've always told my parents that they were years ahead of their time regarding the spelling of my name. Trying to find anything personalized was impossible growing up, and in HS, I decided to to by my middle name for a while. Not that it was much easier; my mom liked the name Danielle, but named me after my dad, whose first name is Donald, hence Ami Dawnielle.
456 posted on 03/30/2006 1:56:34 PM PST by Sweet_Sunflower29 (If we want the gov't involved in their education, they'll attend public school. NO to vouchers!)
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To: DejaJude
Heber, you have to be LDS. My Uncle was Alma.
457 posted on 03/30/2006 1:56:42 PM PST by Little Bill (A 37%'r, a Red Spot on a Blue State, rats are evil.)
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To: bonfire
"Condoleeza just sounds Southern."

To me, it elicits images of condominiums, unfortunately. I can't say I have ever cared for the name.

458 posted on 03/30/2006 1:57:05 PM PST by Irene Adler
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To: twippo

Ta'quicheawanda is still one of the most 'effed up' names I've ever heard, but that's probably because it was one of the first I'd heard early in this trend of WTF? names.


459 posted on 03/30/2006 1:57:08 PM PST by TeddyCon
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To: twippo

An old guy I work with says he had an uncle named States' Rights. Both of them from Mississippi.


460 posted on 03/30/2006 1:58:05 PM PST by AnnGora (Please do not remove tagline. All offenders will be prosecuted.)
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