Posted on 03/01/2006 7:09:06 AM PST by ZGuy
In the United States, living together instead of marrying has become the norm for couples -- half of young adults aged 20-40 are cohabiting instead of getting married. Cohabitation has increased nearly 1,000% since 1980, and the marriage rate has dropped more than 40% since 1960.
Some see substituting living together for marriage as an insignificant shift in family “structure.” Those who are better informed realize that the shift has disastrous ramifications for the individuals involved, as well as for society and public policy.
The faulty reasoning leading young adults to make such a poor choice must be exposed. Here are four myths surrounding the shift.
Myth No. 1: Living Together Is a Good Way to “Test the Water”
Many couples say that they want to live together to see if they are compatible, not realizing that cohabitation is more a preparation for divorce than a way to strengthen the likelihood of a successful marriage -- the divorce rates of women who cohabit are nearly 80% higher than those who do not. In fact, studies indicate that cohabiting couples have lower marital quality and increased risk of divorce. Further, cohabiting relationships tend to be fragile and relatively short in duration; less than half of cohabiting relationships last five or more years. Typically, they last about 18 months.
Myth No. 2: Couples Don’t Really Need That “Piece of Paper”
A major problem with cohabitation is that it is a tentative arrangement that lacks stability; no one can depend upon the relationship -- not the partners, not the children, not the community, nor the society. Such relationships contribute little to those inside and certainly little to those outside the arrangement. Sometimes couples choose to live together as a substitute for marriage, indicating that, in case the relationship goes sour, they can avoid the trouble, expense and emotional trauma of a divorce. With such a weak bond between the two parties, there is little likelihood that they will work through their problems or that they will maintain the relationship under pressure.
Myth No. 3: Cohabiting Relationships Usually Lead to Marriage
During the 1970s, about 60% of cohabiting couples married each other within three years, but this proportion has since declined to less than 40%. While women today still tend to expect that “cohabitation will lead to marriage,” numerous studies of college students have found that men typically cohabit simply because it is “convenient.” In fact, there is general agreement among scholars that living together before marriage puts women at a distinct disadvantage in terms of “power.” A college professor described a survey that he conducted over a period of years in his marriage classes. He asked guys who were living with a girl, point blank, “Are you going to marry the girl that you’re living with?” The overwhelming response, he reports, was “NO!” When he asked the girls if they were going to marry the guy they were living with, their response was, “Oh, yes; we love each other and we are learning how to be together.”
Myth No. 4: Cohabiting Relationships Are More Egalitarian Than Marriage
It is common knowledge that women and children suffer more poverty after a cohabiting relationship breaks up, but it’s not so well understood that there is typically an economic imbalance in favor of the man within such relationships, too. While couples who live together say that they plan to share expenses equally, more often than not the women support the men. Studies show that women typically contribute more than 70% of the income in a cohabiting relationship. Likewise, the women tend to do more of the cleaning, cooking and laundry. If they are students, as is often the case, and facing economic or time constraints that require a reduction in class load, it is almost invariably the woman, not the man, who drops a class.
So What’s the Conclusion?
A mass of sociological evidence shows that cohabitation is an inferior alternative to the married, intact, two-parent, husband-and-wife family. Increasingly, the myths of living together without marriage are like a mirror shattered by the force of the facts that expose the reality of cohabitation.
Dr. Crouse is senior fellow of Concerned Women for America’s Beverly LaHaye Institute.
Thanks! We're getting married next fall. Too far off for both of us.
It was rather tempting, especially following so closely on the heels of your post(s) about getting back into the pool...
I don't know it's even a "given" that she'll be the nominee!
It is better to have been accused of love than to never have ... loved ... not loved ... been accused of love ... without ...
* my head hurts *
The reason courtship suggests no physical involvement is mostly because hormones can get in the way of good judgement. You don't want feelings to get in the way of such a big decision, is the thought. Ditto for no time spent alone.... in my case we didn't spend much time alone physically but we didn't spend much time together in person at all - we're long distance. So we spent a whole lot of time talking by phone or email.
I didn't view courtship as a set of rules we had to follow, but an attitude and a mindset. Some of the courtship suggestions, like doing things with both families, wouldn't have worked for us since we live hundreds of miles from each other and our families. Of course some people who use courtship wouldn't approve of me being out on my own in the big scary world, away from my parents. But that doesn't mean the principles and ideas are creepy/scary.
Also nothing says you have to court someone as old as your dad!
I did my homework and warned people about BOTH of them BEFORE Bill was elected to the presidency the FIRST time.
Even one of my best friends, not at all politically involved or astute, described Hillary as a haughty Ice Queen looking down upon her minions at their FIRST Inaugural Ball.
Sometimes we women really can think for ourselves. : )
Unfortunately, I know at least a half dozen women who will vote for a woman -any woman- over a man -any man- even, or in a couple cases, especially if it's her.
In our current system where neither party seems particularly interested in what the voters want, elections are decide by razor thin margins and hand counts of dangling chads.
It would only take a small percentage of wymyn to push the Whore of Babylon over the top.
Frankly that prospect terrorizes me.
Please God, no.
Unfortunately she doesn't work for God.
Ah! Then you did understand my post...
No, she's saying that women will avoid DATING Hillary. (note the topic of the thread) ;)
Not that there's anything wrong with that (dating Hillary).
It's funny how defensive "happily married" people can get :D
Yeah. I just had coffee with and old professional acquaintance, it was going great until she brought up politics. (One of us had to sooner or later).
She TOTALLY believes that Clinton was the best, most ethical president the country ever had. And as for his personal life, well all men do that!
I don't think we'll be having coffee again.
But she will be voting. *sigh*
You first...
While sexual intercourse, before marriage takes it too far one way, NO kissing or touching takes it too far the other way. My very devout and religious parents, (AND Aunts and Uncles) kissed and touched before marriage (gasp!) but they waited until marriage to go further. As they had both been dating with the goal of finding a marriage partner for a number of years, kissing and touching other boyfriends and girlfriends did not impair their judgment.
People have been kissing and touching before marriage, since the inception of this country, and it did not cloud the judgment of most of them regarding the suitability of a mate. It's the promiscuous nature of sexuality unleashed by the sexual revolution, that impairs and clouds judgment as you describe.
Two words, though:
Frost Bite.
There are some places you realllllly don't want it...
If more women were as educated regarding politics as many of us here on the forum (and for me my education well preceeded my involment here), they would think and vote more like we do.
You beat the odds, that's great. Obviously you and your spouse had enough committment to make it work. The statistics show that most who start out as you did do not make it work. Good for you. I'm happy for you; you took the risks and overcame them. Great.
I hope so.
We've got our work cut out for us.
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