Posted on 02/14/2006 10:04:07 PM PST by nickcarraway
I have gone AWOL in the blade wars.
My desertion happened when I noticed that Gillette had issued Fusion, a razor with five, yes five, blades. This is in response to Schick's Quattro four-blade razor, which itself was a response to Gillette's three-blade Mach3 and Mach3Turbo, which uses a battery to make the razor vibrate and followed the Gillette two-blade Sensor, which was in competition with Schick's...
But enough. I am a Christian conservative Republican who believes in profits and free markets -- but I also know what planned obsolescence and scams are. And the shaving wars have been enough to (almost) turn me Marxist. Like poorly made shoes that fall apart after six month, bad pop music that sells zillions of CDs and then fades forever, and American cars that spend most of the time in the shop, modern razors are forever being repackaged as new, improved, dynamic, fresh, indispensable. It's one of the world's biggest scams.
The world's best razors were made over a hundred years ago, and there was no reason to change them. Men once went to the barber for a shave until, in the late 1800s, the safety razor arrived. The safety razor was a thing of beauty, an indestructible chrome weapon that sat snugly in the hand. Replacement blades were pennies for a dozen. Then something very sinister happened. In 1895 barber King Camp Gillette -- yes, that was his real name -- figured that he could make millions by marketing a disposable razor. The razor wouldn't shave any better than the safety razor -- in fact, it would be considerably worse -- but what difference did that make? There were holdouts, however. I remember seeing a safety razor in my grandfather's house, and my oldest brother used one well into the early 1970s. I remember knowing what the thing was but having no idea how it worked, and even thinking it a little strange. Thus was the feminization of American culture given another small push.
But by the time I began shaving in the early 1980s, the game was over. The art of shaving became the specialty of a few old barbers. This was depicted wonderfully in the movie Barber Shop. A young "hair stylist" is attempting to shave a customer, but handles his head like a boy playing with a Tonka truck. The old barber, played by Cedric the Entertainer, seizes the tools from the youngster and takes over. Shaving is an art, he explains. It's about quality, excellence, the masculinity of proper grooming. "When I'm done his face will be as smooth as Gary Coleman," he jokes. The younger barbers gather around, mesmerized by the "old school" method.
It's time to relearn that method. When I heard that Gillette was escalating, I went online and ordered an arsenal of old-school shaving supplies. I got a "classic" safety razor from Merkur, a German company that's been in the business for over a century. Then I ordered a genuine badger hair shaving brush and a tub of shaving cream from Truefitt and Hill, generally acknowledged as the world's first barbershop. Add to that after shave and an alum block, used to staunch nicks, and I was ready.
The reason I was ready for nicks and cuts is that several how-to shaving guides and websites warned that going from a disposable to a safety razor was like stepping up from a scooter to a BMW. Generations of girly-men had not used the proper stuff, and there would be a period of acclimation. It was like those primitive tribes that intentionally cut teenage boys to usher them into manhood.
That first day, I stepped out of the shower careful not to let my face dry. Old-school shaving is also called "wet" shaving, and the best way to do it is to keep your face as wet as possible. I picked up the Merkur. If you've spent most of your life using disposables or even the higher-end Sensors and Excels, the switch back to single-blade can be a real adjustment. For one thing, the razor is heavier. With a decent safety razor you don't push the blade mush; you simple let it glide down the face. I tried to remember all I had learned from the websites: always shave with the direction hair grows; shaving against results in razor burn. Don't force the blade.
Yet like a black labrador puppy's instinct to swim, it came easily, like a vestigial organ kicking back to life. And yes, the first few times I did cut myself -- but not as badly I had feared. Indeed, I had damaged my face much worse in the past using cheap disposables. But soon I got the hang of it. I was shaving. I was shaving like a man. Suddenly the last 40 years faded away -- the flower boys of the 1960s, the sensitive men of the 1970s, the androgynous pouters of the 1980s, the soft grungers of the 1990s -- and the crude, pseudo-masculine Maxim "lads" of today. This wasn't about the metrosexual goops and lotions of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, nor was it about the dumb, crude and sloppy man culture celebrated in beer -- and razor -- ads. It was about being a man, and a gentleman. It was about using the right tool for the job at hand. It was about those things that American manufacturers of everything from cars to clothes need to learn again: quality and excellence.
I believe in free markets and good businesses getting rich. Yet I also believe in quality that lasts, and that Americans are the best in the world at making thing if they put their minds to it. I hope that Gillette and Schick and whoever else wants to bring back American safety razors, and that they make millions of dollars and hire thousands of workers because of the popularity of said product. After all, there are certain things in this world that were done perfectly and cannot and should not be improved. Jesus lived a perfect life. The book is the ultimate form of conveying information. No one will sing "My Way" better than Sinatra. Michael Jordan was the best basketball player ever, period.
And the safety razor won't be improved upon. No matter how many blades they keep adding.
Mark Gauvreau Judge is the author of God and Man at Georgetown Prep: How I Became a Catholic Despite 20 Years of Catholic Schooling (Crossroad, 2005) and Damn Senators: My Grandfather and the Story of Washington's Only World Series Championship (Encounter, 2003).
Mine does. She even thought it was sexy when I had my hair in a Viking style ponytail and my beard was long enough to braid. (Of course, she does reenactment too, so. . .)
Unfortunately now I have an office job, so the hair and beard have been censored.
ROFL!
Now, if I can get one to shoot superheated plasma streams *and* shave... I'll pay for the disposable power cartriges.
Shaving sucks. I always look like Homer Simpson after anyways.
Yea that's because they're a "no threat". If there's a chance they might actually attract a real man they behave differently. A neutered metro/homo/whatever is completely another matter. Then they're "relaxed". Or whatever.
I think I'll go with the "subconsciously like evidence of gonads". Eventually, if nothing else.
Women shave their legs? Yeah, right- next you'll be telling me they shave their underarms too.
Seriously, adult humans are supposed to have body hair.
The current ideal of feminine beauty in this country is a "12 year old with silicone"- no body hair, slim hips, flat stomach- but 38D breasts? That turns me right off.
Give me a real adult country gal any day.
Yep. 'Course now days the wife is history and I let the face go furry.
B I N G O !
Sure do! I've got some cheap disposable two blade job, and I do it in the shower.
It's usually LEFTY "chicks" who go for the hairy males.
Back in 1998, my then-girlfriend thought a beard might be less prickly than the stubble I otherwise always had (my facial hair was so tough, it seemed I could mangle my face without denting a hair on it). And she seemed to like the result.
Ther are exceptions to every rule...:-)
You're not a female; ergo, that's your testosterone talking.
I think all of this stuff is cool, but none of it works for me. So far, the only thing that gives me a proper shave is a Braun or Panasonic electric.
Weak women prefer men who are weaker than themselves, so they can feel "powerful" like the feminists tell them they're supposed to. Also, they've been taught that every man is a potential sexual predator, so again they prefer a weak man. If said weak man also likes shopping and foreign films, she'll take the Metrosexual and the (sexual aid.)
Real women (like my wife) like real men, the powerful, protective kind. And she's strong enough to stand up for herself in any situation. If I may be so bold, she also doesn't consider male sexuality to be something alien, horrible and disgusting. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Might not be a bad thing . . . {WARNING: Sports Illustrated Model} . . . http://us.news3.yimg.com/us.i2.yimg.com/p/rids/20060214/i/r3763956254.jpg?
Trust me, all you'll attract are lefty females and homosexuals.
Seriously, adult humans are supposed to have body hair. The current ideal of feminine beauty in this country is a "12 year old with silicone"- no body hair, slim hips, flat stomach- but 38D breasts? That turns me right off. Give me a real adult country gal any day.
What you describe used to be found in abundance at any Grateful Dead show...you can have them. I'll take the current ideal...
See my post #3. I hear ya. My experience is that they want some evidence of gonads, but not necessarily have that evidence rub them raw sensitive places. :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
