A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day...2-1-06...A letter to My Pets

DollyCali | February 1, 2006 | dollycali;

[DollyCali]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

Free Republic made its debut in September, 1996, and the forum was added in early 1997.   Over 100,000 people have registered for posting privileges on Free Republic, and the forum is read daily by tens of thousands of concerned citizens and patriots from all around the country and the world.

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day was introduced on June 24, 2002. It's only a small room in JimRob's house where we can get to know one another a little better; salute and support our military and our leaders; pray for those in need; and congratulate those deserving. We strive to keep our threads entertaining, fun, and pleasing to look at, and often have guest writers contribute an essay, or a profile of another FReeper.

On Mondays please visit us to see photos of A FEW OF FR'S VETERANS AND ACTIVE MILITARY

If you have a suggestion, or an idea, or if there's a FReeper you would like to see featured, please drop one of us a note in FR mail.

We're having fun and hope you are!
~ Billie, Dutchess, DollyCali, Mama_Bear, GodBlessUSA ~

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

The other animals in the house are ALSO family. We do not eat, torture, kill or hurt them. This also goes for “little people”, whom we call children



I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.



When I sit at the computer that is NOT your clue to jump in front of the monitor, walk or sit on keyboard or decide to begin licking my face. I know I spend too much time there but give me at least the first half hour.

It is not a good idea to roll in dead “anything” or some other animals poopie. If & when you do, a bath will follow. NOT fun for either of us. Hope you are a fast learner on this one.



For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur";niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are sometimes better than kids .they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.



With thanks from your loving owner

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 01-30-06 Military Monday 01-31-06 Ladies & Gentlemen, the President of the United States

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[Slings and Arrows]

Ping!

[GodBlessUSA]

I bet she is so sad without her dog. They give back so much love to us.

[angcat]

What a beautiful picture and putty.

[Kozak]

GOOD DOG Fritzi!

[luvie]

If it's not snowing in Buffalo, then it has to be a good day. Hope yours is great. Have you added any more goodies to the website? I haven't had a chance to look this morning.

[libstripper]

It is not a good idea to roll in dead “anything” or some other animals poopie. If & when you do, a bath will follow. NOT fun for either of us. Hope you are a fast learner on this one.

Enforcing this kind of a rule can sometimes get you into serious trouble, as can be seen from the following protest e-mail my dog sent to his foster mother:

Dear Foster Mommy Pam and Uncle Tom:

Daddy just left, giving me an opportunity to get to the computer and tell you of the horrible anti-dog atrocity he committed yesterday against my innocent person.

All was going well in the morning when he let me out to do my business and socialize with other dogs while he took his shower and did other things. I even thought I would be able, as usual, to go right back into the house and get up up on my bed.

It was not to be the case.

While I was out I smelled the most intense, wonderful odor imaginable. On investigating, I found this unbelievably wonderful rotting carcass with the most enticing yellowish white ooze running all over it. I couldn't resist the goodness. I rolled in the carcass until I was slavered with the ooze, like a rack of ribs covered with BBQ sauce. Since it was all so wonderfully good, I thought Daddy Jim would appreciate it and would be happy to let me jump up on my bed and roll all over, sharing the goodness with him.

I was wrong.

When he let me in to the garage to get back into my house, he looked at me a little strangely, apparently seeing the goodness smeared all over me. Then he got within about ten feet, smelled it, and said I'd done "the mother of all shit rolls" and that I was going to get the "mother of all dog baths." That's when he showed what a hideous, sadistic torturer he was.

He didn't let me into my house. Instead, he went downstairs, got out a bottle of hideous green chemical, and turned on the cold water outdoors. I came when he called for me, but gave him the slip and ran up to the deck outside my bedroom. Then he went into the house, worked on this computer for a while, and came out by the pool. He disingenuously called to me, but I saw him holding another torture instrument, a leash, and tried to get back into the house on the lower level, where he cornered me.

Then the real torture began. He drenched me with cold water, and just added more when I tried to shake it off. Then he smeared the horrible green chemical all over me, worked it into a suds, and rinsed it, and much of the goodness, off. I thought that was the end of the horrible, unjustified torment, but I was wrong. Some of the goodness was still on me and it got on his T-shirt and the towel he used to dry me. That meant, once again mumbling about the "mother of all dog baths," he repeated the entire horrible torture, including the anit-dog chemical warfare. Finally, he let me back into my house, where I made a mad dash into the bedroom, followed by a levitating dive onto my bed.

Right now I'm suffering the after-effects of the torture, with a very soft coat and none of the goodness. Worst of all, that evil man has even plugged the hole in the fence I used to go out through to find the goodness.

I'm nothing but a love dog and I DON'T DESERVE THIS INHUMAN TORTURE. If you have any compassion, CALL PETA, CALL THE ASPCA, and make sure this horrible thing never happens again.

Your loving Foster Son

[luvie]

Here I am...between here and Tony! LOL!

It's beautiful here, as usual. How boring! ~~ducking~~

It's 53 degrees.

You doing okay today? What are you going to be doing?

[Diver Dave]

...never drive your car...

Uh-hmmm...
I'll have you know, I'm an excellent driver
-Jack

[Diver Dave]

...and we're patriotic, too

-Bailey and Jack

[apackof2]

How do I love thee?
Let me counts the ways!

"Baby" Maddie

[Billie]

Love these adorable animals! The pet threads are always so much fun. Thanks for giving us many smiles today, Dolly. Know you have a busy day lined up for you, and bet there'll be a new baby in the dollycali household today. :)

Thanks for taking such good care of our Finest FReeper FRiends today, ladies!

[apackof2]

[apackof2]

[apackof2]

[apackof2]

[apackof2]

[apackof2]

[Xenalyte]

Props to my furbabies! The Dread Boston Salty is barking at the baby gate right now, and the Ferocious Feline Bebop Trio are scratching, grooming, and eating.

Don't know what I'd do without 'em!

[humblegunner]

I just couldn't resist showing off LadyX's grandkitty, fierce Edgrr
demonstrating his climbing prowess!

Edgrr climbs upon request!

[Titan Magroyne]

Re #'s 72-77, what an adorable series of photos! Thank you for posting them. :o)

I love these critter threads. Dunno what I'd do without my furbabies.