Chuck Norris Facts (might have some foul language)

chuck norris facts ^ | 1/18/06 | Anonymous

[minus_273]

Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

[minus_273]

so much more on the site.

if you haven't seen this, you are missing out. my favorite: There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

[RWR8189]

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.

~ Chuck Norris

[MarkeyD]

I liked:

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

[TADSLOS]

Chuck Norris rules.

[RHINO369]

Hello this is so 2005!

[minus_273]

its amazing how this has taken on a life of its own

[LiteKeeper]

read later

[petro45acp]

Ok, I am owed a new keyboard!

MS Ergonomic Natural Keyboard 4000v1!

I liked that keyboard, but was no Chuck Norris!

Thanks, It is near the end of a 13 hour day!

Top sends

[Terpfen]

Mr. T needs facts.

[BookmanTheJanitor]

its amazing how this has taken on a life of its own

Tell me about it, check out the Chuck Norris XBox 360 faceplate.

[TADSLOS]

Hello this is so 2005!

Chuck transcends the calendar year. Chuck rules.

[GregoTX]

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

[Feiny]

Chuck Norris took my virginity.

[BookmanTheJanitor]

http://www.4q.cc/t/

[TheBigB]

He then gave it back, just so he could take it again.

[mwyounce]

I found this one very funny:

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't F*** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

[SpaceBar]

Norris' response shows that he is a class act.

[Terpfen]

Seen it already. They're kind of dull.

[Feiny]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

[Feiny]

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.