On the offensive to protect marriages from assault of porn

The Virginian Pilot ^ | 1/14/06 | Jacey Eckhart

[wagglebee]

WHEN A MILITARY chaplain appeared on ABC News last week talking about how pornography is becoming a problem for troops overseas, I listened. When the chaplain said real women at home couldn’t measure up to the impossible pictures, I thought of this woman I had seen years ago in a bookstore on base in Japan.

I shouldn’t remember her. The woman was not one of those people you even notice, much less remember. She had no distinct hair color, no charm of face. She reminded me of wide egg noodles and cream of mushroom soup and Minute Rice.

But I noticed her when her sailor husband handed her a stack of magazines maybe 5 inches thick. Penthouse. Playboy. Hustler. Worse. He must have picked up every single porn mag the bookstore offered.

While I watched and the people behind me watched, the wife took the stack from him. She held it in hands that had probably stroked his face, patted his back, clutched his thighs. She handed the stack to a clerk. Then, in front of a line of 10 people, with her husband waiting impatiently by the door, she slowly signed her name to the bottom of her personal check. She did it as if pornography were something you brought home weekly, like milk or eggs or Minute Rice.

Until that moment, I’d always thought pornography was no big deal, a boys-will-be-boys kind of thing. Seeing her in person shook me – her pasty face, her quiet resignation.

So I paid attention to the news segment. It talked about these 11,000 sexual purity kits that are going to military members in Iraq. Following the popular “Every Man’s Battle” series from New Life Ministries, the kits promote Bible-based abstinence: no pornography, adultery, nonmarital sex or masturbation.

I heard that and kind of winced. It seemed too old fashioned a solution for a time when pornography is as available as a paper-wrapped burger. It made me think of some of those goofy venereal disease movies from World War II.

It also made me think of two couples I know who have divorced over pornography addiction, and the stories I read every week about how it’s becoming more of a problem for every age group.

But a religious text? I just didn’t know. I picked up a copy of one of the books at a Christian bookstore. At first I was uncomfortable reading it. I’m Christian. I practice my faith, but this book was written by men who are far more zealous in their faith than I am in mine.

The authors write about sexual purity and a man’s relationship to God. Their recommendations seem a little extreme – suggesting that men avoid not only pornography but also magazine advertisements and movies with a rating over PG-13.

The more I read, the more I understood why the chaplains had ordered the book. The second half of the book is about protecting the marriage. It talks about how to handle yourself if you become attracted to someone else. It offers a behavior strategy should someone become attracted to you.

The authors don’t say if; they say when. They don’t write as though men are idiots or slaves of passion. They remind their male readers to honor and cherish the women they married, to remember what their wives gave up to be married to them.

I am a little leery when it comes to imposing a specific faith’s teachings on military men. Still, I can’t stop thinking about that woman in the bookstore. I can’t stop thinking about her husband. This sexual purity kit is a tool that chaplains are turning to to help families like that one. It isn’t the only tool against pornography, but it certainly may be the most powerful one yet.

[napscoordinator]

I kinda wonder what he was doing in a porn shop as the Chaplain? If he is going to buy porn why can't the rest of them. Maybe the women did not get any sun in a few days. Taking the view of one women he did not know and had a quick view does not require this story.

[Galveston Grl]

**And how many non-fiction men can measure up to the fictional men in the "romance novels" that so many women read incessantly?**

I never thought about that, but you are right. Thanks.

[DJ Taylor]

Jacey Eckhart

"WHEN A MILITARY chaplain appeared on ABC News last week talking about how pornography is becoming a problem for troops overseas, I listened. When the chaplain said real women at home couldn’t measure up to the impossible pictures..."

The problem, as stated by Ms. Eckhart is simply that servicemen who use porn while overseas as a subsitute for sex with their wives frequently prefer their porn sex life over sex with their wives when they return from overseas. Without seeing their wives, I cannot comment on their choice.

[The Worthless Miracle]

It's not a moral relevativist argument, just an observation. I don't see how people's marriages are threatened by porn.

[The Worthless Miracle]

Thank you! That's all I'm saying - the idea of the marriage being "threatened" is odd to me. You stated it much better than I did.

[Zeroisanumber]

...the kits promote Bible-based abstinence: no pornography, adultery, nonmarital sex or masturbation.

You'd have a better chance of teaching young men to fly to the moon than give up everything on that list. Why not set your sights on keeping adultery to a bare minimum and let boys be boys?

[dead]

My next door neighbor's wife had a porn addiction. It led to multiple affairs with men she met over the internet.

It sounds like a "cheating on her spouse" issue was the real problem.

[Katya]

Somehow I have little pity with women who have no control over what happens in their marriage. You either allow the stuff in your house, or you don't.
However, I don't think it's just men who are interested in porn anymore...there are plenty of younger women who seem to love the stuff. To each his own.

[LiteKeeper]

MEga-dittoes

[RatRipper]

The fundamental threat to marriage is selfishness, and it may manifest itself in many, many different ways.

I don't know if you are a believer, but find a NIV version of the Bible with study notes. Look up Mark 10:9 and you will find this study note to that verse:

"Jesus grounds the sanctity of marriage in the authority of God himself, and his "No" to divorce safeguards against human selfishness, which always threatens to destroy marriage."

Being divorced myself, that hit me like a ton of brick when I read it. I thought about it long and hard. In the vast majority of cases, that note is absolutely correct.

[Fierce Allegiance]

I'm sitting here in my house alone, in the middle of the divorce process. It is necessary. Selfishness played a huge part in the breakup. People change.

[Westlander]

http://www.inspotla.org/tell-them/

[Hildy]

Yes, women are sexual creatures, but they just don't NEED it as much as men. That is a man's job .... to impregnate. They REALLY DO have urges and needs...much more than women. And a truly happy woman will realize that, accept it and accommodate her man or let him...ahem..accommodate himself.

[Westlander]

I feel your pain. I'm sitting in my house alone and I am married.

[ozzymandus]

As dear Abby used to say, "MYOB".

[DainBramage]

I'm just tired of women looking at porn and then ogling me with their

lust filled eyes, all the while wanting to touch me and kiss me passionately, breathlessly

stopping at nothing to fulfill the passion burning every inch of her pulsating body.

[Hildy]

Why so angry? Could it be REPRESSION????

[Fierce Allegiance]

Just as bad or worse. Sorry, FRiend.

[Hildy]

No, I don't. If your husband needs a release much more than you can provide him, why would you want to deny that if you love him? I'm really going to catch hell for this...but hear goes...how about all the men who want their wives to lose weight, but the women keep eating and get fatter and fatter...In that scenario, the men, again, are ridiculed for not accepting the woman they love the way they are. Well, why can't women accept a man the way he is. If he's not cheating...what is the difference?

[Hildy]

...If either the husband or wife is looking a pornography, they are bringing someone else into the marriage.

You need some mental help, I'm serious. NOBODY ELSE is in the marriage...it's a movie..pictures...it's a fantasy...why would you want to deny your husband a bit of harmless fun? Unless he's some psycho rapist (in that case you're better off knowing), why would you be so freaking controlling about what he does?