Posted on 01/12/2006 5:29:53 PM PST by Phil Southern
Hello fellow Freepers,
I always note the fact that the posters here generally respond with candor I can appreciate even though I may not always agree. That is why I am asking for advice in dealing with what could be a serious, saddening problem of which I have been made aware.
Today, when I picked up my son from daycare, the daycare worker pulled me aside and informed me that other children at the daycare came to her to say that the driver of the bus they ride (from school to daycare in the afternoon), has been mean and rude to my son. Specific statements were "yelling" ,"yelling shut-up", and possibly other things. The children who came forward are "4th or 5th" graders. I asked her if other kids confirmed the information, and she said that more than one other student did confirm, with some saying the actions happen "some of the time", and others saying "all the time".
A bit of background is necessary. My son is high-function disabled. He has a mild case of CP; he walks on his own with a pronounced limp (no aids). He has severe-profound hearing loss and wears hearing aids. He actually hears about as good as your grandmother/grandfather who is tone deaf.....but his disadvantage is he never heard well to begin with. He is a "good" boy, but can be loud at times. He is almost universally responsive and respectful of authority....but has a short attention span. In short I do think he is a good bus rider, and sometimes needs admonition. My son is 7 years old and is in regular kindergarten with a tutor/aide (Your tax dollars at work, with my thanks).
I have history with this bus driver. Last year, **2** days before the end of school, Joe first rode the same bus to daycare in the afternoon (as a test to see how he faired at the daycare where he would go during the summer). On the second day the driver in question approached my son's aide to say that my son could not ride the bus because he yelled, and would not stay seated. I promptly approached the school system contact I knew and it was arranged for my son to ride a different bus......and I was told that the bus driver in question had been reassigned before, and had trouble when he was the driver of the "special-education" bus (AKA "the short-bus"---no offense meant or taken---we do appreciate good and bad humor). I was assured at the time that he would not be riding with the same driver again this year......but nothing I know about was ever said or done other than reassign my child to a different bus. Also, I was told there is even an assistant on the bus, purpose unknown(not specifically for my son, anyway). This particular bus is not a "short-bus". There have also been instances lately of my child not wanting to ride the bus, or asking to ride a different bus....which until now I had attributed to other things.
My questions.......how far should I take this? My first instinct is that my son can be intimidating, but is a good traveler and respects authority. I told myself last year that a bus driver should not driving a bus full of kids if they couldn't deal with kids. I'm incensed on several different levels.....but I also don't want to be "over-protective" or heedless of the needs of others. I also know that my son, at this point, is TOTALLY innocent, not hateful, not mean, and only expects kindness and smiles from ALL adults. If any of you freepers want to see a picture of us....contact me privately.
I am in need of advice, and will answer any questions if there is something unclear. Thanks in advance,
Phil
Long term, we need school choice. But so long as the leftis want to run things, fine. It's their mess. And we have to find a way to get America's kids educated. So...
"The driver's behavior is obviously disturbing the other kids enough that they are trying to get help."
Ditto that. And it could be a PR nightmare for the local school system. You have the upper hand.
I had a cousin who was suspended for sneezing too much on a bus. Yes, sneezing. I called the local paper. The school system decided not to suspend my cousin. Never made print in the paper. Would have been a hoot.
I wasn't in a position to negotiate on behalf of my cousin. You are for your son. And if things don't go the way you want them, you can inflict serious pain on them.
1st. Get in the bus driver hard and fast. Inform him of your sons situation and also of his responsibilities to you, your son, the rest of the kids, etc.
2nd. Personally visit the head of the transportation dept (the bus drivers boss) and inform him of the situation and that your next visit of the day is with the superintendant of the schools (his boss).
3rd. Visit the superintendant and bring him up to speed on whats goin on. Ask for a copy of the districts policy regarding school bus drivers interaction with students and also the policy on handicaped students and special needs. (this is your amunition. If they aredoing something they are not supposed to do or vice-versa you can kill them with their own regulations) Let him know that you want to see this thing straightened out in the easiest way possible but that you also want on the agenda for the next school board meeting and run through it all with the school board again asking them for their advice on how things can be made right for your son and possible any other children that this driver may be taking advantage of. (...after all you really dont want to get a lawyer and seek a legal fix to something that should be being handeled at a lower level...this is a threat to them but dont make it if you arent willing to follow thru with it. the schools have a lawyer on retainer for stuff like this but if you are in the right, YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT, and they know it and will respond.
...and be ready to be branded as a troublemaker and wear it with pride because you are doing what needs to be done to insure your sons continuing education and safety.
Personally I would find another method of transportation. You should have been told by the bus driver, bus company, or the school about any incidents.
Your descriptions sounds like it was other students on the bus that told the daycare person who then told you about it.
Also it does not sound like your child could describe to you what took place, only he did not want to ride the bus.
Bus drivers are not exactly positions held by highly skilled trained people, nothing against them, as I personally would not want to have to drive a bus load of kids of any age anywhere.
I agree if he has run Special Ed before and had problems he has issues with handicapped kids.
He's in the wrong line of work.
If it's bad and persistent enough that *other kids* are bothered by it to the point of raising the issue with an authority figure, I think you ought to take it seriously. Some people are just jerks and need to be monitored and/or slapped down.
I'm glad there are so many level headed FReepers here. My first instinct involves a baseball bat (that's what got me fired from my last job).
Have you asked your son what his take is on this? Other than that, I wouldn't take any chances. I'd WRITE a complaint to the principal and copy the district. Usually, however, daycare isn't public and has no district offices.
Speaking only for myself...I would make my position and displeasure known personally to the bus driver.
I would make sure that he/she knew that I was aware of his/her unacceptable behavior towards my son and any further distress or disharmony directed towards my son would be met with high levels of displeasure from me.
I would also make it known to him/her that my displeasure takes many forms...none of which would be pleasant for the bus driver.
I know that many here will say, "Oooh you can't doooo that."
Tough. When my kids are harrased or bothered I respond quickly and severely. Besides, we're talking about a child with enough problems on his plate without having to deal with a boob like this. If this bus driver can't act like an adult then it's high time someone put the fear of G-d into him/her.
Again, I speak only for myself and do not suggest you respond in this manner unless you have experience doing so and are good at it.
Here's an angle to consider:
I've been in school situations where I did not have any real authority over the kids and the kids knew it. That job nearly ate a hole in my stomach, though I managed never to raise my voice.
The driver may feel the same way, trying to drive a school bus full of unruly kids, and feeling powerless to assert any control. A complaint, conveyed through a supervisor, would sour the situation even worse.
I would suggest approaching the driver personally, and assuring her that you will support her. Give her your phone # and invite her to call you directly if your son causes problems. At this time you can explain your sons problems to him. Then tell your son that you expect him to obey. If he sees your deference to the driver, that will help.
Use a soft touch first. Give the driver her power and she will probably do well by you. If this doesn't work go over her head.
First, you and your son will be in my prayers.
I raised 2 boys by myself, now 45 & 50. Wonderful young men.
The youngest had a problem bus driver. He was always the quiet, shy one, so I knew he was not causing trouble, and he was 6 years old. Talking to the bus driver just made matters worse.
I requested a meeting with the principal, requesting the bus driver be present. She was one angry woman.
Other parents came forward and complained.
The driver was fired.
This happened in Delaware. 3 years later we took a trip to Disney World. We stopped at a Florida Waffle House for breakfast.
We were shocked to have this same mean woman come to our booth to take our order.
My son has never forgot that I stood up for him, as I did other times as he grew.
Take a stand. You are the one your son will always trust to do what is right for him. Thank God you care.
Great post. I agree!
There is some justice in the world!
LOL... Did you take the opportunity to stiff her for the tip?
Speaking as the mother of a deceased handicapped child, I assure you that the bills involved to provide the extra medical care would lend a real need for both parents to work and both to carry him on their insurance. Otherwise you'll undoubtedly exhaust one policy and be refused at premier hospitals. My daughter exhausted three policies before she passed. But she got the best possible care when she was alive. What's more, some school districts REQUIRE that handicapped children attend daycare/school at 3 1/2 years old. It's called "early intervention". Part of JFK's mainstreaming lunacy, I believe. Tough spot to be in. Rock/hard place.
Not everyone has the patience required to work with kids with your son's problem. The driver being reassigned does not mean much if your child, or others like him are in the transportation "mainstream". They are sure to interact sooner or later.
The drivers need to be introduced to the kids with problems early on, and educated on the nature of the problem and the probable manifestations. Then they'll be able to tell your child from the mouthy brats that seem to abound these days!
Had to quelch that one myself a couple of times.....
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