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'Impaler' sinks his teeth into governor's race (Vampire running for office)
Star Tribune ^ | January 12, 2005 | Dane Smith

Posted on 01/12/2006 7:05:01 AM PST by NYer

Looking for something really, really different in a political candidate this year?

Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey, who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on Friday the 13th as a "satanic dark priest" and the leader of the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."

Since there's nothing but a $300 filing fee to stop anyone from running for statewide office, campaigns in Minnesota typically attract colorful and eccentric characters looking for attention. And of course, former Gov. Jesse Ventura broke the mold and got elected. But Minnesota may never have seen a more outside-the-box politician than the Impaler, also a former pro wrestler.

For starters, he describes himself as a "sanguinary vampyre ... just like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink their blood," he said in an e-mail.

The 13-point platform on his extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Politics/Elections; US: Minnesota
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Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey has chosen Friday – yes, Friday the 13th – to formally announce his candidacy. “Unlike other candidates, I’m not going to hide my evil side,” he said.
1 posted on 01/12/2006 7:05:01 AM PST by NYer
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To: NYer
Funny story, but previously posted.

That said, I've never done a FR search with "vampire" as a keyword! I've already e-mailed this to a number of friends.

2 posted on 01/12/2006 7:07:50 AM PST by Colonel_Flagg ("Defeatism may have its partisan uses but it is not justified by the facts.")
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To: NYer
Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

Hey--what's not to like?

3 posted on 01/12/2006 7:09:18 AM PST by basil (Exercise your Second Amendment--buy another gun today!)
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To: NYer

As a candidate, he sucks.


4 posted on 01/12/2006 7:11:17 AM PST by atomicpossum (If I don't reply, don't think you're winning. I often just don't bother to argue.)
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To: NYer
Maybe it's time to make the governorship shift work, after all you can't afford to just shut things down for 8 hours at a time.
Sharkey could be Night Governor.

So9

5 posted on 01/12/2006 7:11:21 AM PST by Servant of the 9 (Trust Me)
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To: NYer

From his website:

"I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch."

The guy's a loon. You can't be a Satanist and a Witch at the same time. Witches don't believe in Satan. The two faiths are mutually exclusive.


6 posted on 01/12/2006 7:11:42 AM PST by Dawsonville_Doc
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To: Rakkasan1; MplsSteve

This should be interesting.


7 posted on 01/12/2006 7:12:33 AM PST by lesser_satan
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To: basil

Agreed. Too bad he thinks there's a Hollywood in Minnesota.


8 posted on 01/12/2006 7:12:33 AM PST by RandallFlagg (Roll your own cigarettes! You'll save $$$ and smoke less!(Magnetic bumper stickers-click my name)
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To: NYer
From his web page:

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my mortal enemy.

How quaint. At least he won't be able to feign surprise when he meets his maker on Judgement Day ;)
9 posted on 01/12/2006 7:13:11 AM PST by reagan_fanatic (Darwinism is a belief in the meaninglessness of existence - R. Kirk)
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To: lesser_satan

Sometimes, democracy is a scary thing.

LOL


10 posted on 01/12/2006 7:18:32 AM PST by MplsSteve
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To: NYer

Shouldn't a serous candidate have spent more than $1.98 on his cape?


11 posted on 01/12/2006 7:21:27 AM PST by atomicpossum (If I don't reply, don't think you're winning. I often just don't bother to argue.)
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To: Thinkin' Gal

Check this out.


12 posted on 01/12/2006 7:22:29 AM PST by bearsgirl90
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To: basil
Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly

If only he advocated impalement for conservatives, Christians, and George Bush, he would be the Democrat front runner.

13 posted on 01/12/2006 7:22:34 AM PST by neodad (Rule Number 1: Be Armed)
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To: reagan_fanatic; NYer; Barney Gumble
"From his web page: I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my mortal enemy. How quaint. At least he won't be able to feign surprise when he meets his maker on Judgement Day ;)"

He WANTS to go to hell. Oh well.

14 posted on 01/12/2006 7:25:57 AM PST by jjm2111 (---This space intentionally left blank----)
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To: MplsSteve
Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

If it wasn't for this part, he could probably run as a DFL'er.

15 posted on 01/12/2006 7:27:43 AM PST by lesser_satan
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To: Dawsonville_Doc
Witches don't believe in Satan.

?

16 posted on 01/12/2006 7:27:55 AM PST by Aquinasfan (Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
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To: NYer
I hear Buffy's a Republican.


17 posted on 01/12/2006 7:28:58 AM PST by SlowBoat407 (The best stuff happens just before the thread snaps.)
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To: NYer

We had a guy who sincerely believed in werewolves run for the Maine legislature back in the mid 90's...Democrat, of course.


18 posted on 01/12/2006 7:30:26 AM PST by who knows what evil? (New England...the Sodom and Gomorrah of the 21st Century, and they're proud of it!)
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To: NYer

19 posted on 01/12/2006 7:33:42 AM PST by orionblamblam (A furore Normannorum libra nos, Domine)
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To: reagan_fanatic

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my mortal enemy.


No wonder he was being plugged on Air America Minnesota this morning! Wendy Wilde program.

I really need to take a shower now. With bleach.


20 posted on 01/12/2006 7:34:28 AM PST by Fred Hayek (Liberalism is a mental disorder)
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