'Impaler' sinks his teeth into governor's race (Vampire running for office)

Star Tribune ^ | January 12, 2005 | Dane Smith

[NYer]

Looking for something really, really different in a political candidate this year?

Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey, who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on Friday the 13th as a "satanic dark priest" and the leader of the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."

Since there's nothing but a $300 filing fee to stop anyone from running for statewide office, campaigns in Minnesota typically attract colorful and eccentric characters looking for attention. And of course, former Gov. Jesse Ventura broke the mold and got elected. But Minnesota may never have seen a more outside-the-box politician than the Impaler, also a former pro wrestler.

For starters, he describes himself as a "sanguinary vampyre ... just like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink their blood," he said in an e-mail.

The 13-point platform on his extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

[NYer]

Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey has chosen Friday – yes, Friday the 13th – to formally announce his candidacy. “Unlike other candidates, I’m not going to hide my evil side,” he said.

[Colonel_Flagg]

Funny story, but previously posted.

That said, I've never done a FR search with "vampire" as a keyword! I've already e-mailed this to a number of friends.

[basil]

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

Hey--what's not to like?

[atomicpossum]

As a candidate, he sucks.

[Servant of the 9]

Maybe it's time to make the governorship shift work, after all you can't afford to just shut things down for 8 hours at a time.
Sharkey could be Night Governor.

So9

[Dawsonville_Doc]

From his website:

"I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch."

The guy's a loon. You can't be a Satanist and a Witch at the same time. Witches don't believe in Satan. The two faiths are mutually exclusive.

[lesser_satan]

This should be interesting.

[RandallFlagg]

Agreed. Too bad he thinks there's a Hollywood in Minnesota.

[reagan_fanatic]

From his web page:

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my mortal enemy.

How quaint. At least he won't be able to feign surprise when he meets his maker on Judgement Day ;)

[MplsSteve]

Sometimes, democracy is a scary thing.

LOL

[atomicpossum]

Shouldn't a serous candidate have spent more than $1.98 on his cape?

[bearsgirl90]

Check this out.

[neodad]

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly

If only he advocated impalement for conservatives, Christians, and George Bush, he would be the Democrat front runner.

[jjm2111]

"From his web page: I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my mortal enemy. How quaint. At least he won't be able to feign surprise when he meets his maker on Judgement Day ;)"

He WANTS to go to hell. Oh well.

[lesser_satan]

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute -- by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

If it wasn't for this part, he could probably run as a DFL'er.

[Aquinasfan]

Witches don't believe in Satan.

?

[SlowBoat407]

I hear Buffy's a Republican.

[who knows what evil?]

We had a guy who sincerely believed in werewolves run for the Maine legislature back in the mid 90's...Democrat, of course.

[orionblamblam]

[Fred Hayek]

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my mortal enemy.


No wonder he was being plugged on Air America Minnesota this morning! Wendy Wilde program.

I really need to take a shower now. With bleach.