Posted on 01/11/2006 11:38:34 AM PST by raccoonradio
So Ted Kennedy is writing a children’s book. With his dog, named, of all things, Splash.
Well, okaaaay. According to the press release from the publisher, Ted’s tome will run only 56 pages, but this is a guy who Monday called Judge Alito “Alioto,” and who last year referred to the junior senator from Illinois as “Osama Obama.” And if you don’t believe me, just ask the Congressman, “Andy Meehan,” as Teddy once introduced him.
Let’s just hope Splash is in charge of the fact-checking for the book. But there’s another problem with this May release from Scholastic Books, and that’s its title: “My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C.”
C’mon, Sen. Kopechne — I mean, Kennedy. You can do better than that.
Here are a few suggestions from me and some of my listeners, with apologies to the authors of the originals:
Make Way for Gin Blossoms. Willy Wonka and the Vodka Factory. Frosty the Bad Ice Cube. The Little Oldsmobile that Couldn’t. Me and My Air Pocket. Heather Has Two Toddies. Through the Drinking Glass. Teddy Kennedy and the Goblet of Firewater.
Booze Clues. Where in the World is Mary Jo?
Has the senator considered a rhyming work, a la Dr. Seuss? Green Eggs and Ham could be retitled Green Beers and Scotch.
“I love to drink it from a jar/ I love to drink it in my car/ I love to drink it without pants/I swill it whenever I get the chance”
My Liver Has a Quiver. Horton Hears a Siren. Bartholomew and the Field Sobriety Test. Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. 20,000 Beers Under the Sea. Das Oldsmobile. The Old Man and the Sea.
What is the book about, you ask? Oddly, not hopscotch. It’s about a day in the life of the senator, and of course, Splash the Wonder Dog. I’m guessing the first chapter is, “Hair of the Dog.”
I predict trouble by lunchtime, when Sen. Dodd arrives at Ted’s office and suggests lunch at La Brasserie. At this point, Splash begins whining and nuzzling Ted, the way Lassie used to do with Gramps when Timmy fell into a mineshaft.
Ted says, “Er, uh, don’t worry, Splash. Sen. Dodd and I won’t be long. We’re just going to have a . . . sandwich.” Then he winks at Dodd and off they go, singing “99 bottles of beer on the wall.”
Title of next chapter: “Waitress, There’s a Fly in My Pants!”
Actually, if this is successful, you could have a whole series of Kennedy children’s books. All the kids could do their own works, even the ones who aren’t coming down for breakfast anymore.
Michael Kennedy: “Adventures in Babysitting.”
Remember William Kennedy Smith, the nephew who beat the rape charge in Palm Beach? “The Girl with the Blue Dot.”
Then there’s Joe Kennedy, most recently heard on the radio talking about “ice,” a subject near and dear to all members of his clan. I can think of two books he can author: “Pam Kelley on Line 2, Congressman,” and “Hey Kids, Dad Needs a Match for the Fireworks!”
Maybe the whole family can collaborate.
Harvard for Dummies. Harvard for Rummies. Drunk and Drunker.
But Ted is the patriarch, and with any luck, this is the first of a series. Perhaps a tribute to other artists. From Driving Miss Daisy to Driving Miss Mary Jo. Shel Silverstein: “Where the Sidewalk Ends, and the Pond Begins.”
It could be the start of a trend, Massachusetts politicians writing children’s books. I’m available to help Tom Reilly ghost his initial entry. The working title would be, “The $10,000 Barbecue in Southboro.”
In the last 3 hours the Tedster has given Howie Carr material for 50 columns.
FYI: The "Joe Kennedy ad" Howie refers to is for Citizens Energy, headed by RFK's "Do You know Who I Am?" son. It has some hockey stars talking about "ice", then Joe comes on and talks about how ice can be _bad_, as in people freezing... Then again, ice can be good, as in "on the rocks".
Reilly= Mass. Atty Gen. now running for governor, who is in a bit of a scandal now (see Boston papers)
ROTFLMAO!
As I said before in another thread, if Ted has the stones to hold a press conference announcing the new book _in Mary
Jo's hometown_, I might buy a copy....Naah, he never would...
Suggested Beatles remix: "You say goodbye, and I say..."
http://fatboy.cc/Audio/Hello.wav
LOL ping..
When Barbara Bush wrote a book from their dog Millie's point of view, didn't she get attacked by the MSM for it?
Do you really think Ted wrote this?
>>Pam Kelley on Line 2
That's the woman crippled by Joe Kennedy
http://www.hubpolitics.com/archives/000060.php
>>Joseph P. Kennedy II, who built upon his family fortune with a lucrative career of his own since leaving politics, allegedly told a Hyannis mother he left paralyzed for life in a car crash 32 years ago that he is ``broke'' and won't be her financial crutch any longer.
"I'm broke. I work for a non-profit. I'm not a bottomless pit,'' the chairman of Citizens Energy Corp. and former congressman allegedly told Pamela Burkley, whom he knew in their star-crossed youth on Cape Cod as Pam Kelley – his late brother David's girlfriend.
"Goodnight Moon-shine"
Splash? I mean, come on.
He murders a chick by putting his car in a lake, and then names a cutsie dog character Splash????? What, he thinks it's funny????
Gotta just shake my head.
Why do I get the impression that there is already a Nobel Prize for Literature waiting for Bloato Boozo, much in the same way Hillary got her Emmy for the stupid audio reading she did when President BJ reigned?
Howie Carr's columns are the only reason I would love to live, even once, in Boston.
The Catcher in the Rye, Wheat & Barley
When Teds Liver Gave Two Weeks Notice.
Knight Swimmer. (Out take on Knight Rider..)
...and you can hear him on about a dozen stations, and online,
3-7 pm weekdays (online rebroadcast at 1 am too)
http://www.howiecarr.com
An Idiot's Guide to A.A.
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