A Few of FR's Finest..Every Day..01-11-06..Americans Resolve to Stay at Home in 2006

National Ledger ^ | January 11, 2006 | Chris Davis, Writer33; DollyCali

[DollyCali]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

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Americans RESOLVE
to Stay at Home in 2006

by guest satirist Writer33

Washington — Shaken, battered and beaten, Americans—detailing atrocities in a report to Congress—have resolved to stay home in 2006. The New Year’s resolution came after storms, the war in Iraq and President Bush ripped across the country, terrifying many in this beleaguered nation.

For many, the terror from Hurricane Katrina was a stark reminder as it tore across the Gulf Coast, flooding, pillaging and terrorizing African Americans in New Orleans. The body count topped 1,300, and damage took its toll on a disheartened American public. The flooding shone a spotlight on incompetence, poor planning and an uncaring Bush administration that crippled rescue and relief efforts, adding to the suffering of victims, and frustrating taxpayers and congressmen seeking political gain.

“The whole experience was terrifying,” cried James Thomas, a 25-year African American and resident of New Orleans. “There were SWAT teams everywhere. They were using flash and smoke grenades. They burst into our home with guns blazing. We had to pull out a white sheet to keep from being shot, and then we had to prove we owned the home. What else would you expect from the Bush administration? It was horrible!”

“We had orders to shoot any African American that moved,” stated Captain Ron Hammerstein, a 42-year old SWAT team commander. “All I know is that the orders came from the top. I was ready, willing and able.”

“The nightly reports of the atrocities at the Superdome in New Orleans did it for me,” whined Joe Hammerhuff, a 16-year old high school student from Pine Bluff, Arkansas. “I’m never going to school again. It’s too scary out there.”

Even though New Orleans was horrible, the stomachs of many Americans were turned at the constant reminder of insurgency in Iraq with the lack of progress evident in every nightly news report. The shadow of constant violence shook many in this nation as the insurgents proved to be an unrelenting and hauntingly self-renewing force, attacking civilians, journalists and coalition forces.

“I know I could turn on CNN and was constantly reminded of how miserable things were in Iraq,” said Dawn Klymer, a 24-year old unemployed welfare recipient. “If Mr. Bush can’t get us out of Iraq, how’s he going to protect Americans? I know the only time I’m getting out of the house is to pick up my food stamps and welfare check. Otherwise, I’m staying home. There are too many terrorists out there, and occupying Iraq is only making it worse.”

The panic and fear grew larger as health officials braced for the threat of a global avian flu pandemic. By the middle of December, more than 35 people of the billions worldwide had died in 2005 as a result of the virus. The devastation sent many Americans scrambling for bottled water, crackers and mixed nuts as they wait for President Bush to do something about it.

“I’ve called in to work for 2 weeks straight,” said John Bostoe, his hands trembling as he tried to light another cigarette. “Yesterday, they told me not to bother coming back to work. That’s fine for me. I’m not going to get the bird flu. We’ll see who has the last laugh.”

Bird flu wasn’t as terrible as the frenzy that broke out upon the nomination of John Roberts to the Supreme Court. John Roberts, 50, initially tapped to fill O’Connor’s seat, was swiftly approved to succeed Rehnquist, becoming the 17th U.S. chief justice, and sending a shockwave of fear across the nation.

“When I learned of his stance on abortion,” crowed Joe Katazkian, a 36-year old interior decorator. “I hyperventilated for almost half an hour. That man really scares me. Only Antonin Scalia scares me more. That’s why I’m staying home in ’06.”

“It’s only a matter of time before Roberts strikes down our civil liberties. When will this Bush regime end? Please, God, let it end soon,” begged Maureen Hamlin, a 44-year old Boston, MA, resident. “I’m staying home until it does. I’m afraid of what will happen to me if I go outside.”

Despite the nomination of John Roberts, it would be U.S. oil companies that would spread more fear than created by the Great Depression across the fruited planes. Energy prices—already pushed higher by the Iraq War, sharply increasing demand from China and India, and greedy oil companies—spiked in September when Hurricanes Katrina and Rita disrupted refining and distribution capacity, sending the average gasoline price above three dollars per gallon.

“Seeing gasoline prices higher than a gallon of milk or bottle of water, almost gave me a heart attack,” said Rush Limbaugh, a 54-year old conservative radio talk show host. “I’m never leaving home in 2006. It cost far too much for jet fuel!”

“Gas prices were atrocious,” yelled John Finklesteen, a 44-year old attorney. “I could barely afford to drive my Cadillac Escalade in my commute from Seattle to Bremerton, Washington. Somebody ought to do something about those greedy oil companies. I’m doing all my work from home this year. Prices are just outrageous!”

From Hurricane Katrina to the failure in Iraq, Americans have resolved to stay at home in 2006, not participating in the gloomy outlook. Desperation has kicked in as families are stocking up on peanut butter and jelly, tuna fish and chicken salad. The American people are clenching their fists and biting their nails in what appears to be another brutal year as gas prices rise and congressional elections loom.

< Printer Friendly Version

Meet Chris Davis
Freeper Writer33

Chris entered the military in 1989. He served as a Combat Medic, during Panama, Desert Storm, and many other deployments, between 1989-1992. He exited the military after Desert Storm and married his wife, Karol, prior to reentering in 1996.

He served as a Multiple Launch Rocket Systems crew chief. On his deployment to White Sands Missile Range, he contemplated the role of the modern soldier in the world of today¡¦s politics. It was here that he started to write short stories, conservative commentary and political satires.

His passion for the military in his writing continued in college. There, he began his novel. His first novel, Elective Decisions, (ISBN, 1-59374-121-9) released by the Whiskey Creek Press in June of 2004. His second book, In Defense of Liberty, was released in March of 2005 by the Whiskey Creek Press.

He has also written for The National Ledger, Chronwatch, Men¡¦s New Daily, MichNews.com and The Reality Check.org. He is currently a bookkeeper in Carson City, Nevada, where he also resides with is wife, Karol, mother-n-law, Elma.

Writer33 Finest Thread

Writer33 Profile Page

Writer33 In Forum

riter33

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 01-09-06 Military Monday 01-10-06 Turning the Tables

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[kassie]

Good morning.

Great job.

[bitt]

congrats and thanks for the ping!

[DollyCali]

What is meant by "stay at home" ..??

Well, I will defer to the satirist's answer but mine would be "not leave house.. while keeping shades drawn in paranoid way"!

DollyCali was the "presenter"... Writer33 is the author!

[DollyCali]

Like your profile page! Years ago I did a lot of sewing (mostly my clothing but some homemaking /crafty things). I did a lot of creative outfits, suits etc & my hubby & I gave each one a James Bond Movie/Book title "name"..I had a classy tie made (coordinated) for him for each one & we did get a lot of complitments along th e way. Corny but going thru your page and the movies, I could envision each one. Wish we had taken pix/documented all.. in the age of digital I would have even though BD (before digital) I was major photo shooter

[DollyCali]

thanks for posting! Always nice to know who read the thread (or at least openeed it)! Chris will be around shortly to viist & I will be in & out a good portion of the day.

[wagglebee]

Great job Chris! Don't let all of this celebrity talk go to your head though, you'll wind-up becoming a liberal! -:)

[DollyCali]

If you are a fan of satire you are now doubt a fan of good political cartoons! Writer33; Dollycali & Pookie18 hope you will take a few minutes & go OVER HERE
to vote for the Vote For Your 2005 Today's Toons Favorites (Final Round)!

[DollyCali]

Hi Bitt..thanks for stopping by. Haven't "seen" you for awhile & I do hope that the New Year is treating you well!

[DollyCali]

Bob I love this one.. mellow & lonely & thought provoking. I will try to " it up w/your pix" for you .. okay? Not sure when, where, I I will post, but will ping you. Thanks for always sharing with us! Need to get Toby out....!!!

[pookie18]

Thanks, Dolly! FYI, at this point, there are 7 finalists with > 200 pts. apiece.

[writer33]

Yeah. Rush Limbaugh is the passion of conservatism.

[writer33]

What is meant by "stay at home" ..??

"Stay at home" is meant as a joke that it is too dangerous out there. Don't leave your home. Lock the doors and don't go outside.

It's an overall satire at how the mainstream media predicts gloom and doom in every news broadcast. Hence, stay at home.

[writer33]

Wow! I did not know that you had done all that stuff. Thank you for your service, and you don't need to be reminded that your letter is what got me over here in a serious manner. Thank you for that.

Thank you for reading and signing up for Free Republic. We need more of you in America.

[The Mayor]

January 11, 2006

Don't Bother Me

Read:
Revelation 3:14-22

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. —Revelation 3:20

Bible In One Year: Genesis 27-28; Matthew 8:18-34

As a young man, C. S. Lewis abandoned his childhood faith in God and declared his belief in no religion, saying they were all myths created by man. Years later, after acknowledging Jesus as the Son of God and his Savior, Lewis wrote of that time in his book Surprised By Joy. He said:

"No word in my vocabulary expressed deeper hatred than the word interference. But Christianity placed at the center what then seemed to me a transcendental Interferer. There was no region even in the innermost depth of one's soul which one could surround with a barbed wire fence and guard with a notice 'No Admittance.' And that was what I wanted; some area, however small, of which I could say to all other beings, 'This is my business and mine only.'"

Every person has the right to say to God, "Leave me alone. Don't bother me." But it is the Lord's right to pursue us with His persistent mercy. To the self-satisfied church at Laodicea, the risen Christ said: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me" (Revelation 3:20).

By His grace, the Lord keeps knocking, ready to fill our lives with His love. —David McCasland

What joy and blessings we can know
When Jesus comes to dine!
He brings His riches and His love
And fellowship divine. —Branon

God's love is persistent but never pushy.

FOR FURTHER STUDY
Accepted By God

[writer33]

Thank you for sharing your talents here at the Finest,"son". ;) Hope you do so again ...and soon.

Thank you, "mother," for reading. I do appreciate the wonderful comments.

[writer33]

Thanks for posting the picture and pinging the list, devolve. I apprecite it. Nice graphic. I only hope that the goldfinger is a good thing.

:) HA!

[writer33]

Good answer, DC. You are right.

[writer33]

I just don't have the time to respond to the "little people," wagglebee. I'm far too busy with my agenda.

:)

Thanks for the kind compliments. I do appreciate them.

[MEG33]

Thank you, Mayor, for your devotional.

[writer33]

That's funny stuff, pookie. Thanks for having Dolly post the link. Voted.