Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.
Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.
Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.
There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.
Or are uglier than all get out.
Can you just picture Mo Dowd as a nun? God forbid!!
I guess it never occurred top Ms Dowd that to attract someone, you have to be attractive (and not repulsive, like she is).
He would definitely like a shot at doing so.
That's nice...blame the victim. Typical Chauvinist. :)
Is this really helping?
You know what guys like you are? Everything you say you hate hate about Maureen Dowd. Bitter, arrogant, pessimistic, and whiny, blaming the opposite sex for everything that's wrong with your relationships.
Equal and opposite. And just as unattractive on a man as it is on a woman.
Truth is, most women, like most men, are just out there trying to find happiness and love in this life, some are better at it than others, some are a little screwed up in how they approach it... but there's hope in them... I hate to see stuff like the bile that's on that website. Lists of things wrong with women.... Well, you know, those are traits that both men and women can suffer from. And the act of rattling them off to complain about "American Women" as a type makes you guilty of at least the first four. :~D
And a tip to those who think happiness is to be found in some foreign bride from a submissive culture... That lady doesn't want what American men have.... she wants what American Women have. Think about that :~D
The Man has a plan, give it a chance!
Matthew 20:16: "So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
Dowd as a nun? I think God would throw in the towel and say, "I don't have to take this crap, I quit. Get someone else for the job."
Perfectly in keeping with r-K continuum, as described by J. P. Rushton. You might be taking it to the extreme, though: such super-K behavior is for those with IQ>180.
I guess so... it is of course a play on the old quote "Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel."
Thanks to the "women's movement," women are now behaving like the fantasies of the most selfish, irresponsible men. Why should men make a commitment, when there is an endless supply of willing, promiscuous women, who'll even pick up the bill sometimes? Why buy the cow, when the milk is free?
Women have become stupider than ever, while patting themselves on the back for being so "smart."
"And a tip to those who think happiness is to be found in some foreign bride from a submissive culture... That lady doesn't want what American men have.... she wants what American Women have. Think about that"
I had a feeling somebody would bring that up.
Some years back (more than 10, I think), National Review did a special feature on why so many American men are marrying Asian women. Florence King and two men wrote long articles, as I recall. (Darn, I wish I'd had a scanner back then. If anybody saved that issue, fax it to me and I'll scan it it.)
Firstly, this "submissive" business is a complete myth. Long before there was a "women's shelter" in Japan, there was a battered husband's shelter for men who were afraid to go home.
And talk to somebody about how "submissive" Korean women are some time. The reason there are so few poisonous snakes in Korea is that they bit Korean women and died.
Asian women, by and large, are strong. Hard as nails. They may humor their husbands in public, but they're not fooling anybody -- except, apparently, American women.
No, the reason American men marry Asian women is seen in the article that started this thread: because the alternative is marrying women like that.
I would take any woman who would appreciate me for who I am and not how much I make.
Someone like what? I saw a letter from some women who were alone past the age they thought they would be and were worried about that. They wanted to know that there was hope.
I didn't marry till I was 36. Believe me, I had many days and months and years that I was worried about the same thing.
>>I hate sweeping generalizations, but I don't think you'll find it's women who are overly focused on perfect looks
LOL.. Really? Coulda fooled me!
>>, and that's what's ~"forcing"~ you to settle for looking at 'younger women'.
Uh, I'm seeing someone is is two years older than I am...
You wrote it - don't blame me if you didn't mean it :~D
Women aren't finding mr right becuase they want all and give none.
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