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Last Minute shopping ideas. A womans guide to buing him a gift.(Humor)
unk | unk

Posted on 12/14/2005 11:56:38 AM PST by TASMANIANRED

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.

Follow these simple rules and you should have no problem.

1. When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one.

I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.

No one knows why.

2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.

Men love saying those two words, "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK, by the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"

Again, no one knows why.

3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.

Men love gifts for their cars.

Again, no one knows why.

4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.

If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.

If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

6. Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.

Real men drink whiskey or beer.

7. Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.

We do not stink - we are "earthy".

8. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.

Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.

No one knows why.

9. Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.

It will ruin any occasion and he will always have parts left over.

10. Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Beaver Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Canadian Tire Store, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.

("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

11. Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.

Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas leaks.

"Oh the thrill!The challenge! Who wants hamburger?"

12. Tickets to a Denver Broncos, Colorado Rockies, Central Texas Stampede games are a smart gift.

However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."

Everyone knows why. 13. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.

If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #08 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

14. It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.

Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder.

No one knows why.

15. Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts.

Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.

No one knows why.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: giftideas; humor; manofthehouse; shopping
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To: IronJack
miniscule piece of sparkly carbon

Cause they are pretty...and they make us feel pretty. :)

101 posted on 12/14/2005 1:08:53 PM PST by Conservative4Ever (Dear Santa, ......I can explain....)
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To: dfwgator

Endlessly useful but does it make a good gift.


102 posted on 12/14/2005 1:08:59 PM PST by TASMANIANRED ("You cannot kill hope with bombs and bullets." Sgt Clay.)
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To: TASMANIANRED

I just want sex vouchers.


103 posted on 12/14/2005 1:09:38 PM PST by jamz
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To: rockprof; MikeinIraq
I went out last night in my underwear to get some firewood off the porch (below zero last night here in NY).

Definite Buckeye!

104 posted on 12/14/2005 1:10:18 PM PST by dakine
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To: Old Professer

I don't know but that is a very useful piece of information.


105 posted on 12/14/2005 1:10:26 PM PST by TASMANIANRED ("You cannot kill hope with bombs and bullets." Sgt Clay.)
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To: gieriscm

Once, when times were hard and baby food and diapers were at the top of every grocery store list, I pawned a Savage 99EG 25/35 with a 32" octagonal barrel and curly maple knurled forepiece and stock; its history was even more ironic, my dad had bought it from a guy years earlier who simply needed drinking money.


106 posted on 12/14/2005 1:10:57 PM PST by Old Professer (Fix the problem, not the blame!)
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To: HamiltonJay

Oh, that's not mistress material. Most definitely falls under supplementary wife category.


107 posted on 12/14/2005 1:12:08 PM PST by Norman Conquest (My old man taught me two things: Mind own business, and always cut cards.)
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To: pbrown

This year it is 28v lithium that makes a tool lover drool.


108 posted on 12/14/2005 1:12:46 PM PST by Old Professer (Fix the problem, not the blame!)
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To: Sam's Army

How much does yours cost?  I've squirelled away a cool $27 selling loose cigarettes outside the elementary school, and one of those is lookin' like just the thing to keep me warm these cold nights. 

Owl_Eagle

"You know, I'm going to start thanking
the woman who cleans the restroom in
the building I work in.  I'm going to start
thinking of her as a human being"

-Hillary Clinton
(Yes, she really said that
Peggy Noonan
The Case Against Hillary Clinton, pg 55)

109 posted on 12/14/2005 1:14:39 PM PST by End Times Sentinel (In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
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To: Doomonyou

www.northerntool.com big toys r us book for big boys!!! also, www.harbourfreight.com same description


110 posted on 12/14/2005 1:15:32 PM PST by cajun-jack
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To: Owl_Eagle
Well, it's not "mine" yet--and the cost to ask my wife again be quite hefty indeed--like the ability to reproduce further...

But, don't breed em if you can't feed em I always say.

111 posted on 12/14/2005 1:18:40 PM PST by Sam's Army ("Terrorism is a matter for the police" MurryMom 11/28/05)
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To: coder2; girlangler
oh geez, that is exactly where hubby and I are going on Friday !!

I'd love to go to one, but it's a long haul from here (left coast), We did blow by one in Utah on the way to hunting in Wyoming this year, But they did send me the hardback Master Catalog!

112 posted on 12/14/2005 1:18:41 PM PST by Doomonyou (FR doesn't suffer fools lightly.)
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To: Old Professer
This year it is 28v lithium that makes a tool lover drool.

I'll have to talk to the project desk manager about that. He let's me know what tool my husband talks about and wishes he had. Every year I use him as an inside track to what my hubby wants for Christmas. My husband hasn't figured out we're working together...he just thinks I'm a God send and a genius to boot.

113 posted on 12/14/2005 1:19:34 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: Old Professer

My husband sold one off for an unknown reason before we wed.

Later at a gun show he bought an identical gun.

When he took the grips off discovered it was the same gun.

Had his ID engraved on the frame.


114 posted on 12/14/2005 1:20:03 PM PST by TASMANIANRED ("You cannot kill hope with bombs and bullets." Sgt Clay.)
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To: Norman Conquest

Honestly, Kidman does nothing for me..... to lanky, and prefer brunettes.. someone like Anna Nicole when she was younger, with brown hair and blue or green eyes... now you are talking.


115 posted on 12/14/2005 1:21:24 PM PST by HamiltonJay
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To: edcoil
Remote control airplanes or helicoptors - gets them outside with the children.

You have to be careful with this one. I got a remote control speed boat for my birthday a couple of years ago. It runs on Nitro and just screams. The thing is they are a LOT of work to keep running. Before it was even started, a "friend" yanked the starter cord out and I had to fix it. Once that was done, I ran it for about 30 minutes before I crashed it and had to do some fiberglass repairs. Then I stuffed the bow into a wave and submarined it.

These things are almost as much work as a real boat, and men don't want gifts that require work!

Now a top of the line battery-powered RC truck/car/boat/plane/helicopter/tank would be cool.

116 posted on 12/14/2005 1:22:50 PM PST by BlueMondaySkipper (The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. - George Orwell)
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To: cajun-jack
www.northerntool.com big toys r us book for big boys!!! also, www.harbourfreight.com same description

Checking out! Only 11 days till Christmas!

117 posted on 12/14/2005 1:23:17 PM PST by Doomonyou (FR doesn't suffer fools lightly.)
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Comment #118 Removed by Moderator

To: leoncaruthers
Agreed. Every time I see the 6,000,000 candela flashlight at Meijer (the one with an apeture the width of a dinner plate), it requires a supreme act of will for me to not buy it. I have literally no need for such a thing, but every fiber of my being calls out for a great big flashlight. I have no idea why.

I've found that I'm always happy getting something else that emits light... I was amazed when I found out about those little Tikka 3 LED head lamps that spelunkers use. As soon as I saw one of those, I needed to run right out to the local Cabellas (a relative term, as it's about 50 miles away) and buy one for my took kit (I work on computers, and have spent years with a mini-maglite clenched between my teeth) and a larger Ray-O-Vac headlamp that I keep in my car. As well as the full size Maglite that I keep in my car... I think that I've got a total of about 14 different flashlights around here, as well as both AC and DC powered quartz halogen work lights...

I love putting on my headlamp. As an added bonus, those bluish-white LEDs will blind someone when you're talking to them!

Mark

119 posted on 12/14/2005 1:25:14 PM PST by MarkL (I swear by my pretty floral bonnet that I will end you!)
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To: TASMANIANRED
Ammunition is an excellent suggestion.

True, but the size and weight of the package is a DEAD giveaway long before he gets the wrapping off. :-)

120 posted on 12/14/2005 1:25:29 PM PST by who knows what evil? (New England...the Sodom and Gomorrah of the 21st Century, and they're proud of it!)
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