A major research institution has recently discovered the heaviest element yet. (Vanity)

email | Original email spammer unknown

[M203M4]

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes 1 reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal 1/2-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

[Aussie Dasher]

Fair enough, but I always thought the heaviest element is Lard Assus Kennedyum

[GSlob]

I first saw this text in late 80s, if memory serves. Maybe the others could help to trace it to even earlier source.

[upchuck]

Wish I had a dollar for every time this has been posted here.

[Mr. Jeeves]

Hillaryum? ;)

[M203M4]

Darn, should have searched keyword Governmentium...

Sorry folks (first time I saw it).

[Viking2002]

*Zzzzzzzzzzz*

I'm sorry.:-)

[TheCrusader]

"A major research institution has recently discovered the heaviest element yet."

I wonder what process they used to weigh John Kerry's ego?

[knuthom]

Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy ...

Administratium does not radiate energy. It sucks up energy, which is then used to diperse morons about.

[xmission]

Kerry promises that he's already signed the documents needed to release this information, and doesn't understand the holdup.

[technomage]

A very old oldie, but a goodie

[Chode]

and here i thought the only thing in nature more dense than Depleted Uranium is Algorium.
It is much too dense to be fashioned into a practical weapon and is so unstable it will actually go off on unassisted.

Highly embarrassing.

[adorno]

However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

Also, governmentium has often exhibited the property of depletium into its surroundings by using it's well known force of taxium.

[DustyMoment]

A major research institution has recently discovered the heaviest element yet.

Michael Mooreium?

[Ouderkirk]

ping for a good laugh

[Arthur McGowan]

He's going to release the letter from the Archdiocese of Boston granting him an annulment any day now.

[NavVet]

Ping