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You may be a Liberal If.....

Posted on 11/16/2005 7:18:00 PM PST by Trance750

You are against the War on Terror, but are only too happy to make millions of dollars by making movies about it.

You preach about the evils of Capitalism from the comfort of your Beverly Hills estate

You cry about "profiterring corporations", but still demand your weekly paycheck.

You think "rich people" are evil, but are willing to over-look the fact that Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Michael Moore, and Al Franken are "rich", as well.

You scream and shout when innocent civilians are accidentally caught in the cross-fire, but remain silent when terrorists kill them on purpose

You think OJ Simpson is really looking for the "real killers"

You think claim a higher moral ground in opposing the death penalty, but celebrate killing of innocent un-born babies

You think America deserved 9/11

You think the troops are "war criminals", but a thug who killed somebody in cold blood is just a "victim of society"

You think you can give a dollar to somebody, without first having to take it from somebody elsed

You want to ban and outlaw legal gun ownership, yet the same time, you want to be allowed to have armed guards at your beck-and-call

You think Ted Kennedy knows how to manage your money, better than you do.

You think Saddam, Kim Jong Il, and Castro were fairly elected, but President Bush was not

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon

You think "tolerance" is reserved for those who share your opinions, views, and ideals

You think the name of God/Jesus should be banned and censored, except when spoken in profanity

You think it was wrong for Bush to use images of 9/11 in political ads, but saw nothing wrong with Kerry using flag-draped caskets in his ads.

You refuse to allow a child to carry a Bible to school, but demand that schools make special provisions to accommodate a non-Christian's religious beliefs.

You whine about religious leaders involvment in politics, but only when the Reverend's name is Robertson...not Jackson or Sharpton

You support radical Judges who interpret what they "think" the Constitution means, instead of what it actually says.

You think the meaning and definition of the Constitution should change, based on your own feelings or opinions.

You constantly cry about defense spending, but scream when bases in your areas are closed.

You think Greenpeace and the Earth Liberation Front burning down SUV dealerships or torching chemical plants "help" the enviroment.

You support low-income housing, until they start to build in your neighborhood.

You think the term "illegal alien" is a bad word

You think Michael Moore's films are "historically accurate"

You believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding

You believe that there was no art before Federal funding

You think the only thing wrong with the forged Rather Memo, was people refused to believe it.

You think girls should be allowed to go to an all-boy school, but not the other way around

You support welfare for illegal immigrants who don't pay taxes, anyway

You think Fox News distorts the truth, but Dan Rather reports "honest journalism".

You complain that we never give peace a chance

When asked about your favorite Marx Brother, the first one to come to mind is Karl.

You think NPR is the only really fair and balanced news source

You think race riots are acceptable

You think racial hatred is wrong, but "class hatred" is acceptable

You think that every misbehaving child has ADD and needs to be doped-up on Ritalin.

You think lawsuits that deny any personal responsibility on the part of the plantiff is justified.

You think the best way to deal with terrorist regimes is to please and appease them.

You are opposed to a military presence in Europe, unless it's to bail out France

You would rather defend Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Saddam and Castro before you defend the US

You think violent gun-crime would automatically disappear if honest citizens could not bear arms.

You constantly equate Conservatives to the likes of Hilter as your only defense

You believe 1 + 1 = 2, or 3, or 4...or whatever it takes to protect the child's self-esteem

You think that porn should be federally protected per Freedom of Speech, but public profession of Faith should be outlawed.

You applaud Jimmy Carter for talking about Human Rights, but screamed and shouted when President Bush actually did something about it.

You think we should have given Saddam 12 more years, and then 12 more on top of that, if he didn't comply by then

You think the UN should be the final authority, even in the U.S.

You think if a person makes more than $50,000/year, then he/she is cheating people and ripping them off.

You think being able to play the President on a popular TV drama automatically equates to "political wisdom" in real life.

You scream and shout about Christians ramming their beliefs upon you, but you say nothing when Athiests do the same

You think it was "un-ethical" for Bush to accept campaign donations from the NRA, but not when Clinton accepted campaign donations on behaf of the Communist Chinese government.

You think if somebody disagrees w/what is being said, they are challenging or denying your rights to Free Speech

You think that poverty is caused by the wealthy

You think the ACLU really gives a damn about individual rights

You think the Dixie Chicks and Tim Robbins should say what they want, but O'reilly, Hannity, and Limbaugh should be censored

You protested American intervention in the Middle-East, because we did not have UN approval, but supported American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia, even though we did not have UN approval.

You screamed and shouted when Ah-Nold allegedly groped women, but cheered when Bill Clinton did the same.

You are against sexual harrasment except when committed by a Kennedy or a Clinton

You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not bikers wearing leather

You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy

You think Saddam had WMDs when Clinton was in office, but all of the sudden, didn't have them when Bush was in office.

You think the Middle East crisis can only be solved once Israel is wiped off the map.

You believe the Bible is racist, sexist, and homophobic, but think the Koran should be required reading

You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics when trying to promote pro-life

You think a lawyer taking 33% from a settlement for his services is fair, but the Government taking 33% of your paycheck for taxes is "too low"

You find Christianity and anything relating to it potentially harmful to you and your children, but you're completely open-minded to Witchcraft, occult-ism, mysticism, ect

You think having an open-mind means being "pro-Gay", "pro-Abortion", "anti-Christian", "anti-Business", and "anti-Conservative"

You think only white people can be racist

You think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate

You believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but promoting homosexuality and paganism "helps" the children

You think the answer to ANY crime no matter how henious or serious, is counseling.

You only watch "All in The Family", because Meathead made so much sense

You think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't

You think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not

You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not

You would have supported the war in Iraq, if Clinton or Gore was President

You are against censorship unless it's censoring race, Christianity, Conservatism, Western culture, Rush Limbaugh, or Ann Coulter

You make snide remarks about guys who look at women, but champion Clinton's right to do whatever he wants with his interns

You think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should get just a slap on the wrist

You get mad when rape victims' sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but demand Paula Jones' sexual history "must be made public"

You hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act BUT, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive

You think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're the extremists!

You think that the only way the tragedy at Columbine could have been avoided was to outlaw legal, private gun ownership

You think hunters don't care about the enviroment, but wacky Seattle folks who have never stepped foot outside of their local Starbucks, do

You think it takes a village, instead of parents, to raise a child

You think tolerance of your opinions and acceptance of your opinions go hand-in-hand

You believe that doctors are over-paid, but ambulance-chasing lawyers are not

You think that Celebrities and other media icons have the right to Free Speech and those who agree with them have the right to Freedom of Speech, but those who dare to disagree with them do not.

You slam Ah-Nold for his father having alleged ties to the Nazi when you have a known and un-apologetic Klansman and public anti-Semite in your own company (Sen. Byrd)

You think Ah-Nold should not be in politics because he's "just a celebrity", but you would have endorsed Martin Sheen, Sean Penn and company based on that sole criteria

You scream and shout over alleged "violence" in Mel Gibson's "The Passion", yet you ran to see "Kill Bill", "Freddy VS. Jason" , "The Texas Chainsaw Massacure" and play "Unreal" and "Duke Nuke'em", "Grand Theft Auto", ect. and said nothing about the violence portrayed in those.

You think Hollywood can say or do no wrong and should be treated as such

You think a child who is quietly and privately saying Grace before a meal at school, constitue the said child ramming his/her beliefs upon others

You turn a blind eye to the suicide bombings at the hands of radical fanatics, but condemn Israel and the Western World for wanting to keep their people safe from Terrorism

You think if Sean Penn or Martin Sheen said so, it should be revered as holy scripture.

You cheered and applauded when Clinton stated he "smoked pot but never inhaled" and at the same time, screamed and shouted when Rush Limbaugh admitted to being addicted to LEGALLY OBTAINED MEDICATION

You think Freedom of Speech is reserved for those who think as you do, but not for anybody else

You ban the Bible in schools because of Church/State, then welcome Islamic and New-Age, and other religion teachings in the same school

You think every problem can be solved by simply throwing money at it

You think more taxes are an ecomomic cure-all

When a violent crime is comitted with a gun, you think it's the gun itself, and not the offender, who is responsible

You blame the NRA, and not the criminals, for violent crime with guns

You think Freedom of Speech and agreeing with what is being said go hand-in-hand

You think everything wrong in the world is automatically Bush's fault and everything right in the world is automatically because of Clintoin

You feel people should "share the wealth" (as long as your money is not the one being "shared")

You think that being a Hollywood icon automatically means you are more "in tune" to world events than the leaders of the country

You complain about the SUVs and other less-econmical cars, yet you parade around in a 5-mile-per-gallon limo

You think that you can understand politics from Hollywood and activist celebrities without doing any research yourself

You ban Tom Sawyer from schools for being "racist" but you approve of My Two Moms as wholesome and acceptable.

You think every solution to every problem can be solved with bigger Government

You think people should be rewarded for laziness, but hard-working people should be taxed dry

You frown upon self-thought and independent thought.

You think convicted criminals and democratic politicians who screw up are worth understanding and forgiving but conservative politicians and religious people who speak their opinion should be banned from public service.

You think that tolerance equals acceptance and anyone who doesn't accept a liberal cause is a racist or bigot.

You throw down the "race card" as your only argument.

You think terrorists and arsonists who burn down private property and harass businesses are noble but the troops who liberated Iraqis are war criminals.

You think that violent protests and domestic terrorism are how you affect change in our country instead of voting.

You believe people are owed restitution for injuries inflicted on their long-dead ancestors.

You find charisma to be an appropriate replacement for honesty.

You find flashy rhetoric to be a suitable substitute for sincerity.

You don't believe willful omissions of facts should be considered lying.

You have a problem with the mention of God in the Pledge of Allegiance, but have no qualms about it being printed on your wonderful money.

You simultaneously piss on our country and its system while reaping its rewards.

You refuse to acknowledge any contributions to society that were not made by minorities.

You continue to trash America, claiming how horrible and evil it is, yet you refuse to leave

You think Yassar Arrafat was deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize

You think guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of a hate filled dictator.

You believe that people should not have to be expected to take responsibility for their actions

Mothers who are drug addicts should be allowed to have children and to raise them while they're addicted.

Capitalism oppresses people and Socialism liberates people.

You think the Governnment should provide "entitlement" programs, rather than expect us to earn what we have

You refuse to lift a finger to save an unborn baby but at the same time, rush to the aid and defense of violent serial-felons on death row

You think teachers should not use the class-room to promote politics, unless the teacher is promoting anti-Conservative agendas, then it becomes a matter of "Free Speech".

You try to make excuses on behalf of terrorism

You believe in choice except when it comes to retirement, schools, health care, and religious speech

You think Clinton was an "honest and virtuous man"

You believe that unwed teenage mothers should get a paycheck from the Government

You ignore more than 50 years of medical warnings about tobacco use, but when you get cancer, the tobacco company is to blame.

You think society "owes you a living"

You somehow believe that George Bush is more dangerous than Bin Laden, Saddam, Hitler, ect.

You believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

You believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You believe that hetrosexuality is a learned behavior, but homosexuality is normal and natural..

You somehow think that a President who lied under oath, compromised with fanatical dicators, and gave military technology to hostile regimes is somehow better for America than the present Administration.

You believe that 9/11 was an "Israeli conspiracy" and could never have been carried out by Bin Laden or his croonies

You want to legalize drugs but outlaw tobacco.

You want what you feel "you deserve", instead of what you earn

You think it's OK to be dis-honest, if personal gain is at stake

You can exaggerate the facts and make up fiction to prove your point

You spew out your rhetoric, but have nothing to back it up.

You think that "truth" is irrelevant.

You think the Corporations are evil, but Communism and dictatorships are "noble"

You think the UN is an efficient governmental body

You like to say that you fight discrimination, then you turn around and give "perks" simply based on race.

You think the Kennedy Family was a "respectable family" but call George Bush a "Hitler"

You think traits like honesty and character are "out-dated"

You think that the minority should have the right to force their will upon the majority

You think 1 white and 20 blacks is "diversity"

You somehow think taking guns away from honest citizens will reduce crime by violent offenders

You somehow think Saddam and Bin Laden are better for the world than President Bush

You believe people should do what you say, but not what you do

You preach "peace" and "love" and "non-violence" and "anti-gun laws" but appear in movies that glorify guns, explosives and twisting people's heads of with martial arts to win over the bad guys.

You deride Bush for landing on a plane to boost moral and show his gratitude to the troops but you praise Clinton for using the military as a social program to force gays into the ranks and lowering moral.

You think the "all Men are created equal" comments in the Declaration Of Independance means that they are actually equal in ability (as opposed to being given equal opportunity) and no one should make a choice about them based on their actual abilities to perform.

You think a person's sexual preference, or race, and not their ability to perform, should be the deciding factor in who-gets-what job.

You think demanding respect is more important that actually doing something to earn it

You think the "right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances" means breaking into military installations during wartime, stopping commerce, and breaking nudity laws are what the founding fathers meant.

You think Conservatives should be held to a different, and higher standard than you are willing to meet, yourself

You claim you are "offended" by Christianity, yet you still partake in the Christmas festivities and demand a paid holiday.

You think SUVs are supportive of terrorists, but houses with 10 car garages are A-OK

You think "choice" applies only to abortion

You scream about our dependance on foreign oil, but refuse to allow us to tap into our own reserves

You think the word "unilateral" is defined as "without France, Germany, and Russia"...

You call Conservative millionaires "greedy", while calling Liberal millionaires "hard working", "creative", or "clever"

One day you label President Bush as just a "stupid hick from the sticks" and the next day call him an "evil genius"

You believe that condoms and clean needles should be handed out at school, but Bibles must not be allowed

You believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't

You believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high

You refuse to wave or salute the American flag, because America has so many things wrong with it

You think since Clinton only "smoked and didn't inhale" pot, it's OK

You preach against racial/sexual bias, but turn around and endorse Affirmative Action

When you boycott a Conservative person and/or company you call it "Freedom of Choice"....but when Conservatives boycott, you call it "McCarthyism".

You think Church/State means that religion should be banned from all aspects of public and private life

You begin every sentannce with "I (or we) demand".....

You have ever used the expressions "that poor guy," or "he couldn’t help it" to describe a convicted murderer

You have an "I'm the victim" mentality and every day, milk it dry

You think Barbara Steisand really cares about the Iraqi children

You think Iraq was just a "War for Oil"

You think Bin Laden is not really all that bad, and is just "mis-understood"

You think evangelical is a dirty word

You think the New York Times is a "beacon of truth", but Fox News is just a book of lies

You think Maureen Dowd should get the Nobel Prize for Journalism

You complain that Fox News has a "slight Conservative edge", but say nothing about the far-to-the-Left Liberal bias of CNN, New York Times, BBC, ect

You think Sen. Joseph McCarthy was "evil" but the American Commies he tried to expose within the State Dept were "heroic"

You think Jimmy Carter handled Iran just fine and dandy.

You refer to President Bush a "Hitler" as your defense to any critisism on your stance/position

You think if a Conservative is under investigation, it should not matter whether or not the allegations are true/false, but should be totally based around the seriousness of the said allegations.

You think Jayson Blair is an honest and legitimate journalist

You think that rights of gays, lesbians, drag queens (or kings) should be forcibly recognized, but rights of Christians/Jews should be denied

You believe that we can "spend our way" out of the deficit

No trees should be cut down, even if they're dead

.The government should tax every last bit of your paycheck.

You think that Saddam, Stalin, and Hitler were "noble" and in the same breath, you call President Bush "evil".

You think morals and integrity are not relevant and should not stand in the way of personal gain

You keep calling it "Clinton's Army" and "Bush's economy"

You poke fun at the "cookie cutter houses" in the suburbs, yet live in the city, in a giant brick building called an "apartment", no different from any other in the city.

You would rather have a President who spend his Administration caving in to terrorist demands in a frenzy to please and appease them, rather than a President who is fighting them to make the world a safer place for all..

And Finally......................................................

You think Ralph Nader cares about consumers, Unions care about their members, the ACLU cares about civil liberties, the National Education Association cares about education, People for the American Way care about the American way, and Bill Clinton cares about anything other than Bill Clinton

TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: humor; liberalism; liberals; upu; youmightbealiberal
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1 posted on 11/16/2005 7:18:01 PM PST by Trance750
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To: Trance750
Upu may be a Liberal If.....


2 posted on 11/16/2005 7:18:51 PM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Izzy Dunne

Up yours too ;)

3 posted on 11/16/2005 7:19:47 PM PST by listenhillary ("Mainstream media" is creating it's own reality~everything sucks)
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To: Trance750

That's easy for upu to suy.

4 posted on 11/16/2005 7:20:03 PM PST by coloradan (Hence, etc.)
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To: Trance750

Long but outstanding

5 posted on 11/16/2005 7:20:34 PM PST by Kimmers
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To: listenhillary
Adapted from the Jeff Foxworthy book: Upu might be a redneck if...
6 posted on 11/16/2005 7:23:39 PM PST by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Trance750

Upu(t) a lot of effort into that.

7 posted on 11/16/2005 7:24:58 PM PST by msnimje ("People for the American Way have issued a Fatwah against Alito" --- John Cornyn)
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To: Trance750

Upu may be a crackhead.

8 posted on 11/16/2005 7:27:56 PM PST by LanaTurnerOverdrive
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To: All

Leave him alone, guys. Big deal, it's a typo. It was probably a simple slip on the keyboard that I or any of upu could have made.

9 posted on 11/16/2005 7:31:11 PM PST by Serb5150 (4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42)
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To: Trance750

Sit, Upu, sit.

Good dog.

10 posted on 11/16/2005 7:33:01 PM PST by WhistlingPastTheGraveyard (roooowlf!)
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To: Trance750

Is Upu related to Apu?

11 posted on 11/16/2005 7:34:26 PM PST by Redcloak (We'll raise up our glasses against evil forces singin' "whiskey for my men and beer for my horses!")
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To: Trance750

Wow! Dang, that was a long read, but so incredibly accurate I couldn't stop reading. LOL What a list!

note to self: must cross sister off Christmas list. oops, I mean X-mas list (just so she doesn't think I'm anything less than PC correct). heh heh ;)

12 posted on 11/16/2005 7:34:43 PM PST by Chena (I'm not young enough to know everything.)
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To: Redcloak

13 posted on 11/16/2005 7:35:32 PM PST by WhistlingPastTheGraveyard
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To: Trance750

Nice list. Welcome to Free Republic.

14 posted on 11/16/2005 7:36:25 PM PST by Admin Moderator
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To: Admin Moderator

Awww.. Now no one will know what we were talking about.

15 posted on 11/16/2005 7:40:28 PM PST by listenhillary ("Mainstream media" is creating it's own reality~everything sucks)
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To: Trance750

Very good list by the way. Don't worry about the razzing for typo's. You may make history and be known as the creator of a word in FR's lexicon. Upu is a pretty good word to create.

Joining such classics such as

16 posted on 11/16/2005 7:44:15 PM PST by listenhillary ("Mainstream media" is creating it's own reality~everything sucks)
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To: listenhillary

I don't worry.

17 posted on 11/16/2005 7:52:03 PM PST by Trance750
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To: Trance750

I commend upu for upur great list. Upu made me proud!

18 posted on 11/16/2005 7:56:05 PM PST by JRios1968 ("Cogito, ergo FReep": I think, therefore I FReep.)
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To: Trance750
You know you're a liberal if you get out of the shower every morning to comb your hair and THIS is staring back at you... Awesome list, Trance!!! : )
19 posted on 11/16/2005 7:57:22 PM PST by Hand em their arse
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To: Trance750

You never saw a tax hike that didn't seem like a REALLY GOOD IDEA!

20 posted on 11/16/2005 8:02:58 PM PST by cincinnati65 (Just up the road a piece.......)
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