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E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered
Oregon Magazine ^ | 11/14/2005 | By Staff

Posted on 11/14/2005 12:06:45 PM PST by oxcart

E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction within its field range, which like gravity is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the square of the distance from the original source. A minute amount of Governmentium located within one football field of length away causes a single event to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

(Excerpt) Read more at oregonmag.com ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: goverment; notbreaking
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To: Tulsa Brian

Your welcome!


81 posted on 11/14/2005 5:15:12 PM PST by Irish_Thatcherite (~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
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To: EsmeraldaA

I'll call it a day - goodnight!!!


82 posted on 11/14/2005 5:15:52 PM PST by Irish_Thatcherite (~~~A vote for Bertie Ahern is a vote for Gerry Adams!~~~)
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To: Irish_Thatcherite

Rest well IT!


83 posted on 11/14/2005 5:18:08 PM PST by EsmeraldaA
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To: ElkGroveDan; oxcart
This brings to mind another obscure element, known as nothisaganium.

This substance exhibits no discernible decay rate, and tends to re-appear and disappear randomly, typically in blogs and other forms of electronic communication.

Exposure to nothisaganium has been known to cause headaches and shaking fits in some individuals, In others, it can result in a highly communicable syndrome whereby the affected person has an uncontrollable urge to propagate the element w/o regard to prior outbreaks.

Everyone is advised to be extremely cautious in the presence of this substance.

84 posted on 11/14/2005 5:38:41 PM PST by mikrofon (Public Service Announcement)
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To: oxcart; SandRat

Thanks. Working with my son on his Nuclear Science merit badge, and this is appropriate and timely!


85 posted on 11/14/2005 5:42:39 PM PST by MarMema
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To: Irish_Thatcherite; Alberta's Child; Army Air Corps
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years

Well, the Governmentium's life during FDR was anything but normal since it took 12 years, and was catalyzed with massive social and entitlement programs like social security and welfare, big-time wealth redistribution, and humongous federal regulation of industry and labor. The New Deal changed people's way of thinking and fostered the idea the Governmentium was a vital and intrinsic element in people's daily life.

The biggest Governmentium's mass increase happened under FDR's watch. All his Morons had become Neutrons and the Governmentium expanded exponentially leaving his successor Harry Truman to strengthen the Critical Morass left by his predecessor, which Truman called a “Fair Deal,” thus producing the Isopodes that were prevalent during Lyndon Johnson's “Great Society.”

86 posted on 11/14/2005 7:14:36 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul

FDR was power-hungry socialist poltroon.
The man was so secretive that Truman was "out of the loop" on many facets of the war and FDRs foreign policy dealings.


87 posted on 11/14/2005 7:19:49 PM PST by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Army Air Corps


Don't tell that to the Democrats and Liberals. They adore the guy.


88 posted on 11/14/2005 7:21:43 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Dead Corpse

ROTFL! Love the pic!


89 posted on 11/14/2005 7:31:04 PM PST by Buggman (L'chaim b'Yeshua HaMashiach!)
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To: Victoria Delsoul

LOL. Who thinks these things up?!


90 posted on 11/14/2005 9:03:50 PM PST by Alberta's Child
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To: Dead Corpse

ROTF!


91 posted on 11/15/2005 9:01:18 AM PST by calrighty ( Watch " The Beeber Story ", written by al baby, produced by Hugh Series. Troops BTTT)
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To: Dead Corpse

You is on a roll.


92 posted on 11/15/2005 9:02:16 AM PST by calrighty ( Watch " The Beeber Story ", written by al baby, produced by Hugh Series. Troops BTTT)
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To: Victoria Delsoul

BUMP!


93 posted on 11/15/2005 9:07:21 AM PST by calrighty ( Watch " The Beeber Story ", written by al baby, produced by Hugh Series. Troops BTTT)
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To: Dead Corpse

LOL


94 posted on 11/15/2005 9:09:06 AM PST by bmwcyle (We broke Pink's Code and found a terrorist message)
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