E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered

Oregon Magazine ^ | 11/14/2005 | By Staff

[oxcart]

E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction within its field range, which like gravity is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the square of the distance from the original source. A minute amount of Governmentium located within one football field of length away causes a single event to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[oxcart]

Who knew Washington was so complex?

[clee1]

Cute!

[HOTTIEBOY]

NERDOLICIOUS PING

[SuziQ]

These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons.

*snicker*

[fanfan]

Ping!

[theDentist]

2 Atoms are walking down the road and one stops and says "Shoot, I lost an electron." The second asks, "Are you certain?" "Yes," replies the first. "I'm positive!"

A Proton, a Neutron, and an Electron walk into a bar and start drinking. After a few hours, they finish and the bartender hands a tab to the proton and the electron. "Hey!" says the electron, pointing at the neutron. "how about him? Why doesn't he get a bill?" "Them's the rules," says the bartender. "He's a neutron. No charge."

[siunevada]

I certainly hope these scientists formulated a Mission Statement before they began their work.

Can't do anything until we have a Mission Statement.

[DannyTN]

Governmentium Molecules
Gv=Governmentium
Pp=People

Consersvative molecule Pp100Gv1
Liberal molecule Gv100Pp1
Libertarian molecule Pp
Communist molecule Gv

[oxcart]

I am looking into that right now.

[ElkGroveDan]

Do old email jokes really belong in BREAKING NEWS?

[fanfan]

This is old?

I love it.

:-)

[Dead Corpse]

Wow... never seen that one before. (/sarc)

[oxcart]

Your no fun at all! Next time I post I'll ask for your permission!

[ElkGroveDan]

DO a google search on governmentium. There are about 24,000 hits.

[Reaganghost]

"DO a google search on governmentium. There are about 24,000 hits."

And that's before counting the morons or the countless peons.

[FReepaholic]

...E-RFD: New Elementary Particle...

Related to the particle: MAYBERRY-RFD.

[golas1964]

Consersvative? This must be series...

[Dead Corpse]

These are not the droids you are looking for...

[sionnsar]

Similar to Committeementium, which is known to violate Newton's Second Law, Force = Mass times Acceleration. No matter how much force one applies to a committee, it will not accelerate. It may even decelerate.

[fanfan]

Thanks.