Goodbye, troll.
Posted on 11/13/2005 10:35:27 PM PST by cyborg
Sacramento—In a bold, yet unexpected move, California has decided to dissolve all ties with the United States of America. It is reported, that on Tuesday, November 15, 2005, the California legislature will vote to secede from the Union.
The vote comes in an answer to the agonizing defeat of Governor Schwarzenegger’s propositions at the voting booths. The voters have made it clear that they don’t want any change in California. They have demonstrated to Governor Schwarzenegger that they want to leave things alone, keep the status quo.
“I’m glad the propositions went down,” stated Autumn Keely, a registered Democrat. “I’m especially glad Proposition 75 fell. We just can’t let Governor Schwarzenegger stick it to the unions. Those people work hard for their pay. They should be able to throw unlimited amounts of money at their candidates. But this is what happens when you elect a former Nazi to office.”
The losing propositions were 73, 74, 75, 76, 77 and seventy-eight. The proposition defeats were followed by the gun ban in San Francisco, which sparked a liberal revolt that has led to the expected vote on Tuesday. The measure, Proposition H, would ban the possession, manufacture, distribution, sale and transfer of firearms and ammunition within San Francisco.
The ordinance is reportedly supposed to take effect on January 1, 2006, but San Francisco residents would have until April 1, 2006, to surrender their handguns to police. However, the NRA is going to challenge the matter in court.
“This ban probably won’t withstand legal challenges,” commented Mayor Gavin Newsome. “But what a wonderful world it would be if those right wing nut jobs and their guns were banned. That would be heaven! The legislature must vote to secede now before those NRA wackos have time to get a court date!”
With the defeat of the propositions that have rendered Governor Schwarzenegger impotent, the secession was only a matter of time. The liberal tide has turned in California as they prepare to create a socialist utopia, saying no to Bush and to all Republicans.
Poll after poll showed it was an election that Californians didn’t want, with a total lineup of eight initiatives that didn’t even come close to every day issues such as gas price gouging, housing costs and the illegitimate war in Iraq. The voters basically told Governor Schwarzenegger to go back to the drawing board.
State Senate leader Don Perata, a Democrat from Oakland, said Tuesday night that Schwarzenegger had sowed the seeds of his own demise by taking on the full gamut of public workers, who made up more than half of the union members in California. “He asked for it and we gave it to him,” fired Perata. “I hope he’s not too disappointed. Just wait till we secede from the Union. It’ll be one for the ages. Long live the Socialist Republic of California!”
Governor Schwarzenegger is vigorously fighting the vote and reports that he’ll veto any legislation presented to him involving secession. “I’m not going to stand by and let these left wing weenies run my state,” leveled Schwarzenegger. “I’m going to do something about it. I think it’s high time we cleaned house in Sacramento!”
Proposition 73, which forced an abortion provider to notify parents of minors seeking abortions, suffered narrow defeat for Schwarzenegger. The exit polls reportedly showed voters wondering whether government should be involved with parental notification.
“I think the government should stay out of my kids’ bedroom,” said Joe Birnbaum, a 53-year old unemployed factory worker. “What goes on in my daughter’s bedroom stays in her bedroom. That’s why I voted no to Prop 73.”
“I’m sick and tired of these Christian conservatives invading my privacy. If my 14-year old daughter wants an abortion without notifying me, that’s just fine. These Christians need to keep their praying and their bibles to themselves,” fired Natty Goldman, a welfare recipient and mother of six.
As Democrats get geared up to vote on secession, some new mottos are being bandied about. Some of them include: “Californa, a whole other country;” “California, a utopian escape from conservatism;” and California, a socialist’s paradise.”
Now that the conservative propositions have been defeated, California has landed a one-two punch to Governor Schwarzenegger, leaving the legislature’s sudden decision to secede as the last step in rebellion. As Black Tuesday approaches, America looks on in utter disbelief and wonders if the California legislature has lost touch with all reality.
Underground, hell. If it ever came to that, I'd say we'd acquire the assistance of the good folks at San Diego and Pendleton and march on toward the seat of power. They took an oath to combat all enemies of these United States...foreign and domestic.
JROB can move his stuff to my shop in south Georgia. There is a fiber optic line by the railroad track behind the shop.
Got it!
LOVED it!
LOL
Ms.B
Maybe Fresno could secede from California, and then rejoin the Union. It seems to have worked for Scott County TN. They formed the Independent State of Scott when TN seceded.
Has anyone in the North Bay noticed any unusual animal behaviors the last few days? My animals have been acting strange today; hyperactive and anxious for no reason.
Proposition H: If you can't possess, sell or transfer a gun, how will you get rid of it?
SAVE THE SERVERS!!!!!!
How I wish my dad was a FReeper. He has known this man since they were kids.
I hereby nominate Jim Robinson as the President of the Bear Flag Republic!
Goodbye, troll.
This would be the best thing to happen to the US since the Louisiana Purchase. Democrats would lose 50+ electoral votes assuring Republican presidents for the next century.
"De-'Rat-ifying" our west coast ports?
I forsee a "Neo-Can=flag-ration".
ok, what's going on with you two? does Mrs. writer 33 know? does Petronski know?
okay bad jokes aside... what a hoot and as usual a big gold star for the essay W33...
Thank you FReeper FRiends!
The best humor is sometimes undistinguishable from reality.
The only reason I immediately suspected it is because just the other day I surmised that the rat party would never let CA secede.
The reason is because they would never win another Federal election if all of CA's electoral votes just suddenly dissappeared.
Still, even if those votes dissappeared, they'd probably demand some sort of "Election Fairness Doctrine". My guess is that the spineless pubbies would give it to them.
California declares independence.
The Union does not invade to bring them back into the fold. Most Americans feel we are better off without them.
California applies for and receives massive foreign aid from the USA.
Don't get too excited about it. You'd lose your ability to bitch about California online. FR's home is Cali. It's also the home of many FR and GOP donors. But don't let that get in your way of hating us.
Proposition H: If you can't possess, sell or transfer a gun, how will you get rid of it?
BTTT
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