Posted on 11/08/2005 8:01:14 AM PST by TBP
Before the divorce rate began its inexorable rise in the late 1960s, the common wisdom had been that, where children are concerned, divorce itself is a problem. But as it became widespread -- peaking at almost one in two first marriages in the mid-1980s -- popular thinking morphed into a new, adult-friendly idea: It's not the act of divorcing that's the problem, but simply the way that parents handle it.
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
"Folks who are like that, are so selfish they are not going to raise those children any better apart than they do together."
I don't disagree, but don't discount the mothers or fathers out there who do ALL the work themselves and are undermined by their spouses. Those kids fare heaps better when raised alone or in a new family.
If divorce is so selfish, why do so many people choose to go it alone at emotional, personal and physical sacrifice? They want a better life for their children and put their lives on the line for it.
Lets see...When you are single you can (1) Pursue goals you otherwise could not do when you are married (2) Golf whenever (3) Fish whenever (4) save lots of money (5) Can make decisions without having to consult, etc. with someone else. The list could go on.
Abstinence is expected of the unmarried Christian and there's a great deal of difficulty in adhering to that standard once a person has experienced that intimacy.
Refraining from sex seems a particularly daunting challenge for divorced persons who once enjoyed married sex, have been abandoned by their spouses, are without immediate marriage prospects and are left with no sexual outlet.
In my eyes all those who abstain under such circumstances out of a desire to please God are heroic.
Agreed!
I know that happens, and obviously it is wrong on both sides.
We have really watered-down relationships and are sinning in the process.
"cordial" is NOT "friend" to me.....it means "tolerant"...LOL....which I agree is what is needed when children are involved....which is what I TRIED to be to my ex.
This makes me sad. There is no doubt that there is an ugly side to human nature. But there are many, many good an decent people, and may I say MEN, in this world. It sounds as if you have been deeply hurt and had many disappointments in your life.
I know of many, many good marriages. Not perfect mind you, but good and fulfilling. They are not widely discussed, or universally applauded. They are just two people who do the right thing because that is who they are.
I guess all I can say is this: If it bleeds, it leads. That is true even when it comes to gossip. There are just as many couples with good marriages, but you never hear about them because it really isn't that interesting to talk about.
TV is a place where people make a living pretending to be something they are not. The difference between TV then, and TV now is that at least they paid lip service to respecting the family. Now it is nothing other than a joke.
I will leave you with this: In this world, we find what we are looking for. If you are looking for good examples of bad marriages, you will find many. But if you have an ideal that you work towards, you look for good examples of good marriages, you will find many and learn from them. Then, with God's help you will model behavior that will not necessarily make your life easier, but will contribute to a better society after you are gone. What we behold, we become. Or to use current cw: If you are not part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.
Hey, I've got to get off of here and get some work done. I hope you have a terrific day!
Funny, for thousands of years the issues of undermining spouses did not create generations of children with the problems those raised in fatherless homes tend to have.
There is no doubt that divorce has far more long range and wide spread problems with children than those who have engaged in it generally wish to believe. They want to cling to the excuses, and not face the realities. They cling to statements like, "far heaps better when raised alone, because my ex spouse undermined me".
The fact is, we've turned our back on thousands of years of human experience and then try to argue "our way is better"... when it is demonstrably not so.
You Ask:
"If divorce is so selfish, why do so many people choose to
go it alone at emotional, personal and physical sacrifice?"
Because they are so selfish, is exactly why many do. They do not see the reality of what they do. I know LIFETIME MOVIE CHANNEL portrays every divorce in the nation as some woman and kids being abused and neglected by some evil husband who they can't escape.. but this isn't reality. If you ask folks who divorce why, you get mostly the same set of answers "we grew apart" "he cheated" "I cheated" "I just didn't love him anymore" "It wasn't working" etc etc etc... RARE is the answer, he beat me, be beat the kids, he neglected the children, she was physically abusive....
It mostly boils down to simple selfishness, far more often than not. You sit down and ask kids of divorce, or any kids, if they want their parents to divorce... and what is the overwhelming answer going to be? You see, marriage with children isn't about YOU anymore.
As to put their lives on the line for it, I think that is a bit overly dramatic. A person with children for whatever reason chooses to divorce.. now they are single, and have only 1/2 the support day to day that a child should have growing up.. you have that half and the other half in a constantly hostile and contentious situation.. you have different houses, different rules, different boyfriends and girlfriends that wander in and out (don't even get me started on that mess) You see this as noble, I see this as the epitomy of selfishness.. knowing all this they do it anyway.
Unless it involves true abuse or neglect, divorce with children is not justifiable.
Love your screen name!
We are all failed and flawed creatures.... faith does not change that.
However, it helps to keep a simple fact in mind....
"Before they were Great Saints, many were Greater Sinners"
Marriage is a joining of two flawed creatures, to expect perfection from it is to be naive and unrealistic. Which is sadly the expectations many have going in, and why many wind out going out.
PLUS---
You have the remote all to yourself.
Can eat the ice cream straight out of the carton.
Have all the closet space you need for shoes. :)
ha ha...
go out to eat alone
sit at home alone
no children
no grandchildren
die alone
the list could go on. ha ha
Problems of children of divorce are not the same as those from "fatherless" homes. Those homes never had fathers to begin with and produce the great bulk of problem children. The risk of OOW children, criminal behavior is FAR greater from the real fatherless homes than from families with divorces or where the father has died.
Children will rarely recommend divorce but that is from a fear of the unknown. My own marriage was wonderful but I know of situations where divorce is the best solution. To pretend those do not exist is just closing your eyes.
And you do not have to eat vanilla all the time. When there is ice cream in the freezer.
NOD NOD WINK WINK
True. Civil marriage doesn't eliminate adultery, but it assists monogamy in making marital unions public. Only a fool would seek companionship with someone who has publicly committed himself to another. OK, there are a lot of fools out there. 8-)
http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/022703.htm
"On the subject of ending sentences with prepositions, people often recount a story involving Winston Churchill. When an editor dared to change a sentence of Churchill's that appeared to end inappropriately with a preposition, Churchill responded by writing to the editor, 'This is the kind of impertinence up with which I shall not put.'
His purpose, of course, was to illustrate the awkwardness that can result from rigid adherence to the notion that prepositions at the end of sentences are always incorrect."
What kind of example are they setting for other people? What will they say to younger couples who are shacking up?
they will not marry and I doubt they are going to hell for it..
While we can't judge their souls, St. Paul was very explicit in condemning fornicators:
1 Corinthians 6:8-10Their actions are understandable, but cannot be approved."...neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God."
Most people marry because they want to have children home family and that's what we are programmed to do....
I am married but I cannot say that I have seen 2 people madly inlove with each other proably unrealistic anyways.
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