Adultery Is Killing the American Family

Illinois Leader ^ | 9/22/05 | Nathan Tabor

[wagglebee]

We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.

Adultery is one of the most terrible "facts of life" in contemporary America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV ­ many of which are just soft-core pornography ­ you might get the impression that there are more people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be right.

How many people have affairs? That's hard to say because not everybody will answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40 percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of Intimate Partners basically agrees.

Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.

Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery.

While 90 percent admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50 percent say that President Bill Clinton's morals are "about the same as the average married man." While 35 percent think that adultery should be a crime, 61 percent think it shouldn't.

Having an affair simply doesn't carry the social stigma that it once did.

According to Playboy magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow through on those libidinous impulses.

Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.

But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet pornography.

Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are related to pornography.

According to the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, "approximately 40 million people in the United States are sexually involved with the Internet." And while 76 percent of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing adultery, only 41 percent of men do.

Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people, and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.

What's more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.

Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. "If there's dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch," explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.

There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a marriage really is.

Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a temporary social contract between two people.

True marriage is a solemn covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.

The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.

It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor's spouse.

If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are married.

[HitmanLV]

You really think everyone is a weak sinner with a taste for flesh?

Hey, I resemble that remark! When it comes to my dealings with women, I'm a liar and a coward, too.

They love my frankness about it, though. ;-)

[durasell]

Mine is expense accounts.

[Nonstatist]

Not according to Jesus..That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Yes, but in Judaism, for example, one is judged by one's actions and not by one's thoughts. I , myself, would have a bit of a hard time condemning people only for what theyre thinking.

[marajade]

I'm switching to yours instead of mine. I'd much rather expensive stuff then battling weight and drunkeness.

[Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...]

And I thought I was a cynic!

Contrary to common belief that we (meaning mankind in general) are basically good, God seems to hold a different view.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

[kstewskis]

My poison isn't flesh, its food and wine. LOL. Maybe I shouldn't be left alone with a refrigerator full of food and cellar full of wine.

[Jaysun]

may not carry the stigma socially but....ya gotta answer to someone one day!!! Virtue is virtue and doesn't change with the times no matter who says what.

That's very true. Still, there's a lot to be said for the power of social stigmas. One can be virtuous today and think nothing of a woman exposing her ankles, for example. That isn't to say that the various social stigmas have always made sense, but I think they're powerful nonetheless.

As for my own family, we're much more traditional than most. My wife stays at home with the children, she does the housework, I'm in charge, etc. I suspect that even some of our fellow FReepers would see our arrangement as backwards or oppressive but I don't give a damn. The apparent alternative is infidelity, abortion, divorce, delinquent children, and so on.

[marajade]

Who is being deceitful? I know exactly what kinds of sins I commit.

[durasell]

I've been traveling and working with women for -- damn, almost twenty years -- liquor has flowed, late nights of work have happened, and long drives in the middle of the night -- I believe the most intimate I've ever gotten with any of them is a hug after something work-related good happened.

[marajade]

I should .bmp that image and print it using my color printer to give me the courage to drink diet drinks instead of consuming a six pack of light beer. Do you think its a good strategy to employ?

[durasell]

Food and/or liquor bought with an expense account always tastes better -- bring on the Louie Tres! Bring on the Wellington!

[kstewskis]

I think it's a great idea!

Maybe I'll join you in that diet :)

[kstewskis]

(and the "diet" drinks w/ Splenda are really good too)

[marajade]

I kinda like Diet Rootbeer and the new Coke and Sprite zero. Have you tried them?

[Black Tooth]

Yes it is killing America. This country was great before females went into the work place in mass. Since then, most work places have turned into cheating divorce factories.

[durasell]

Can I get some names of companies, I may be looking for a new job.

[Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...]

One more question: Where does God state exactly that a married man shouldn't be alone with a woman who isn't his wife?

I don't think it states that anywhere in scripture. I was just suggesting that Billy Graham and others have instituted that practice to avoid temptation and the appearance of temptation and improprieties. So, it's not scriptural exactly, but it is inferred from the meaning of scriptures such as 2 Timothy 2:22 (flee youthful lusts) and 1 Corinthians 6:18 (flee fornication).

[marajade]

Oh please. WWII was won because of women in the workforce. Try another argument.

[marajade]

Not every interaction with the opposite sex means we lust or fornicate.

[HitmanLV]

Sure.

Basically it comes down first to what your cheating partner wants to do. Do they want to stay with you & try to work it out, or do they want to ditch you?

If they want to ditch you, that's that.

If they want to reconcile, then basically you have to decide if you want to absorb and spend the mental, emotional, etc energy to try to reconcile.

Now, figure on a scale of 1 to 10, it takes a '5' level of effort to sustain your part of a healthy relationship. All I mean by that is the normal level of energy, not '1/2' energy or anything. Also, your partner has to spend a similar level of energy to keep you happy.

Now add the fact that in an adultery situation, the cheated upon spouse more likely than not has to spend an additional level of energy to try and heal the relationship after the betrayal. So now, that level rises to a 7, 8, 9 or more.

The other party has to accommodate also, so that level rises to a 7, 8, 9 or so.

Here's the thing. A person can spend that added energy and deal with it & maybe it will work or maybe not, or they can cut their loss and cultivate a new relationship with a new person and not have to spend that extra energy, bringing back the energy commitment back down to a 5 or so (a normal, non-encumbered relationship), & maybe it will work or maybe not.