Posted on 08/31/2005 1:36:26 PM PDT by grace522
CENTCOM Quotes
Subject: Military Quotes
: Thursday, June 02, 2005 3:39 PM Subject: Military Quotes (CENTCOM: Central Command - the Command responsible for Iraq and Afghanistan) (EUCOM: European Command)
"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)
"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ(EUCOM)
"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)
"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building
"That's FUBIJAR." COL (CENTCOM), Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist...
"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership
"At this Command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)
"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building.
"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation
"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him." Maj (EUCOM)
"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)
"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col (EUCOM) in briefings
"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command
"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs at his Command.
"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, ...well, ...way too much...
"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV
"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea
"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker
"OK, this is too stupid for words." LTC (JS)
"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military
"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above
"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)
"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM)
"I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."
"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time."
"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ (JS)
"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."
"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)
"Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference
"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference
"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer" MAJ (EUCOM)
"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."
"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)
"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it." GS-12 (DOS)
"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..." Maj (EUCOM)
"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh_t when I see it." LTC (EUCOM) in a game of office poker
"I'm just livin' the dream..." EUCOM staffer response to the question, "How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"
"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?" GS-14 (EUCOM)
"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women that wear face coverings for a very good reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place to visit." LTC (CENTCOM)
"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)
"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing the US to the longest duration deployment in human history. When asked how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a projected length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent reason to do something has never been much of an impediment for us in the past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the future either."
Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to "interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our female service members, since there are currently are about 8 men for every woman over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is to make these assignments not only permanent, but inheritable and hereditary. For example, if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so will your children, and their children, and their children, ad infinitum. We like to think of it as job security." CPT (CJTF-180)
"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)
"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated
"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today." Maj (EUCOM) after listening to a JFCOM trainer/mentor
"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology." Lt Col JFCOM describing the Jiffiecom alpha male
"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are dispossessed, dispirited and disillusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM),
It should be noted, these are only the typical gripes from overworked soldiers, the majority of which are very proud and dedicated to the cause in Iraq.
Man...my eyes are still full of tears from laughing so hard. I never knew our boys could be so clever!
"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker
Bump 4 bookmark
bttt for later
"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker
Shalom.
UnME both.
Ranks right up there with "I've never heard a buzz sentence until now."
Shalom.
FF (Favorite FReeper) ping.....
Acronymicon:JS=Joint Staff
EUCOM= US. European Command
OSD=Office of the Secretary of Defense
OUSD=Office of the Undersecretary of Defense
CENTCOM=US Central Command
GO/FO=General Officer/Flag Officer (since generals have flags, they're called flag officers)
DIA=Defense Intelligence Agency
CJTF=Coalition Joint Task Force
NIPR=Non-Secure Internet Protocol Router (The Web in Mil-Speak)
JOC=Joint Operations Center
SHAPE=Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe
GS-##=General Schedule- Civil Servant Ranks. Higher is better
USAREUR=US Army Europe
LATAM=Latin America
DOS=Department of State
SOCEUR=Special Operations Command Europe
MARFOREUR=Marine Forces Europe
USSOCOM=US Special Operations Command
OBE=Overcome By Events
COA=Course of Action
NAVEUR=US Navy Europe
SVTC=Satellite Video-TeleConference
TRANSCOM=Transportation Command
JFCOM=Joint Forces Command
OER=Officer Efficiency Report
OBE=Overcome By Events
I like that! Man, if that doesn't describe my life, I don't know what does...
OBE Naj
LOL.
Lol, makes me yearn for the good old days in the army. Looks like Sec Rumsfeld and his DoD minnions have the army running in circles.
Back in the day, that sentence described about 80% of the field grades and above.
I am partial to this one;
"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..."
"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)
Reminds me of one of my past tag lines....
"We’re all on this sphere to revel together in the bond of our collective lunacy"....
8^)
Your new tagline is pretty funny!
LOL! This is my favorite.
Our Soldiers seem to have an uncanny ability to call a spade a spade..I found no disrespect in these quotes, only grains of truth..
Kind of reminds me of the absurdity of the book Catch-22.
Ping.
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