Posted on 08/22/2005 7:10:58 PM PDT by Aussie Dasher
GOOD news for aspiring high achievers and borderline workaholics: you may be remiss in friendships and asleep at family gatherings, but you will be a big hit in the bedroom.
Men who have difficulties balancing career and home life scored highest in a study of their wives' or girlfriends' sexual satisfaction, unveiled last week at the annual gathering of the American Psychological Association.
The research challenges the popular notion that spouses of busy men are typically desperate housewives living lonely, unfulfilled lives. They may not see their husbands as much as they would like, but when they do, sparks fly.
Psychology professor Jonathan Schwartz said his team of researchers were taken aback by the results of their analysis of almost 100 sexually active couples who over a year recorded the most intimate details of their love lives.
"We are surprised because previous research indicated that wives of men who worked every hour in the day complained about the quality of their relationship," Dr Schwartz said.
"But as far as I can see, no one asked them about their sex lives, and those are surprisingly healthy."
The study asked women to measure satisfaction by combining the physical aspects of sexual performance, such as orgasm frequency and intensity, and psychological aspects such as intimacy.
Men who felt intellectually inferior to their lovers reported the lowest level of sexual satisfaction, as did their women. Partners of more confident men had the highest pleasure scores.
"It may be driven by guilt," said Imelda Bush, a researcher working with Dr Schwartz.
"Men who spend too much time at work and feel bad about it may make more of an effort and try harder to satisfy their partner sexually, making up for lost time in the home.
"This applies to hard workers, but not the true workaholic who simply does not care about home life," said Ms Bush, whose future research will include asking professional women about their stay-at-home husbands.
"We all work long hours these days, but many men try to make up for it when they get home. Those that don't do so end up in the divorce statistics."
Fifty years after social scientist Alfred Kinsey started asking Americans about their sex lives, such academic research remains rare.
At Louisiana Tech University, where the research was carried out, some department heads banned students and staff from taking part.
"Viagra has not ended the quest to find out what makes us sexually healthy and happy; nor are the answers obvious, as this research indicates," Dr Schwartz said.
Other psychologists are wary of the Schwartz report. "The danger is that such men can be active and virile and have lots of sex but not make an emotional connection," warned Californian psychologist Debbie Then.
"If a man is going to be master of the universe at work, he will also want to be master of the universe at home."
In Britain, Luton University senior psychology lecturer Gail Kinman said it all sounded very tiring.
"I do not know if they can keep it up," she said. "A strong relationship can survive a workaholic partner - at least for a while."
Paula Hall, a counsellor at the organisation Relate, said such "sexual compensation" was not just about hours spent in the office. "Someone who enjoys their job will spread happiness around," she said. "The more successful you are, the more testosterone you produce.
"And if you are good at what you do, it's more likely to be 'Hey - let's party'." Men who describe themselves as workaholics often try to find some "quality time" to spend with their lovers.
British Prime Minister Tony Blair recently said that he always aimed to find some "romance" time in his working schedule and joked with a photographer during the election campaign that he had sex "at least" five times a night.
Sociologists believe chefs rank higher than politicians among the professions dominated by workaholics, and the chefs agree.
Mike Robinson, 35, who runs the Pot Kiln in Berkshire, southern England, said he worked the most "antisocial hours known to humanity". "I would like to spend more time with my wife but it's not feasible," he said.
On sex, he said: "That side of things becomes slightly irregular, but you catch up when you can."
Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has admitted that his long working day has caused problems in his marriage.
However, he does not hold with the American theory that workaholics can compensate through sexual performance.
"I always say the divorce rate would go down dramatically if people sat down together more often and had some good food and a nice cup of tea," he said.
I'm going to recommend that my husband spend more time at the office...
; )
Once again, they ignore the most obvious answer.
Women are not turned on by a loser.
well alrightie, but what good is good only once a month?
Can someone summarize this article for me, I'm too busy with work right now.
depends on your job. if hubby is a OTR trucker or a deployed
soldier...well, you know the story.there are only about ten thousand country songs based on this , not to mention military cadence tunes.
I think I know what's going to keep you busy AFTER work...
True. Unfortunately, it's hard to carve out enough time to prove it.
:-D
Well...just call me Casanova then.
I'm working three jobs, I only read the first paragraphs....
Normal, healthy women aren't.
But one cannot deny that a lot of women are turned on by losers. I mean...where do you think Liberals come from?
The more you do, the more you can do!
Note to self: Remember to bring oxygen tank...
workaholic toast: "to our wives and our girlfriends, may they never meet."
(for those from rio linda, the humorous implication is that the workaholic has both.)
Apparently, they can, for quite a long time... ;^)
Dominant, emotionally unconnected men--oh no! Where is Alan Alda when you need him. He'll turn us all into metrosexuals with rotten love lives. Then things will be better.
lol
I was once a Workaholics
In a soon-to-be-published study of 1,000 women, Robinson found that those who were married to workaholics had higher divorce rates, greater rates of marital estrangement, fewer positive feelings about their marriage, and felt less in control of their lives and marriages. The study is to appear later this year in the American Journal of Family Therapy.
http://my.webmd.com/content/article/23/1728_57272
Now I'm worried about your screen name.
How do they make the best lovers when they are never around?
By the time they are done with the day, they are too tired for intimacy.
That's true but that's not the point here. A person can be a workaholic and a very hard worker, and not get his due at the office. Sad to say, those traits are not always rewarded with advancement, success, etc. I know several workaholics who never seem to get ahead: they resemble 'losers' more than 'winners.' On the other hand, there are plenty of people who are successful (career, money, opposite sex) who don't work nearly as much as a lot of workaholics. They aren't 'losers' by any standard.
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