Posted on 08/12/2005 7:44:26 PM PDT by Callahan
The Walken Platform
These are the issues that need solutions now, and Christopher Walken is not afraid to address them. He wants his supporters and opponents to know that he is clear in his ideals and will fight to lead America to a better place.
Campaign Finance Reform:
"I believe that campaign finance is a very tough issue, with good points on both sides; but I feel, as a wealthy american, that I should have no more say than even the least fortunate American citizen. That is why I am for campaign finance reform."
Military Funding:
"I am a huge supporter of the military. I have always thought of them as our guardians, and when our guardians are making less than the poverty line, and children are suffering because their parents decided to join the military, well, I get very upset. I feel that instead of sending billions to the Pentagon's pet projects, it should go to the troops."
Stem Cell Research:
"I'd met Chris Reeve several times before he died, and after having met him it is tough to be against it [stem cell research]. I am for human knowledge and expansion of human life. If stem cells are one way to do that, I need to be a good friend of stem cells."
We appreciate the great response you've sent us, interested in more information about Christopher Walken's policies and platform. Please have patience as he puts his ideas into words, and as soon as they're available, we'll put them here. Thank you for your support.
There's alway Algor [Mortis].
..with his running mate Martin (Greg Stillson) Sheen.
Walkens is scarey enough to keep the public interested. Albore would counteract the momentum. I still think Paulson, at room temperature, has more life than the "bore".
ANd don't send a CENSUS TAKER to interview him.
The Census
Census-Taker.....Tim Meadows
Mr. Leonard.....Christopher Walken
Census-Taker: Mr. Leonard? I'm with the U.S. Census Bureau. We sent you a Census form, but you failed to return it to us.
Mr. Leonard: My mail is piled up like crazy.
Census-Taker: Yeah. Well, I just need to fill out this Census form with you. Uh.. how many people live in this residence?
Mr. Leonard:Oh, boy.. good question. I'm bad with numbers.. Maybe 80.
Census-Taker: 80 people live in this apartment?
Mr. Leonard: Seems high, doesn't it? Not 80. How about 4? I don't know.. I'm so bad at guestimating..
Census-Taker: Well, just take your time, and count.
Mr. Leonard: Okay.. there's me.. my wife.. our plants.. we have some candy bars..
Census-Taker: Well, you know, we don't count candy bars or plants..
Mr. Leonard: Well, then, there's just the two of us. Boy, I really overshot with the 80!
Census-Taker: Listen, don't worry about it. I'm gonna put you down as the Primary Resident, okay? Now, are you currently employed?
Mr. Leonard: Yeah.. part of the time.
Census-Taker: Well, you work part-time. How many days of the week?
Mr. Leonard: Every day.. but just part of the day. From 9 to 5.
Census-Taker: So, you work a full day?
Mr. Leonard: I wouldn't say that. There are huge chunks of time.. at night.. where I'm just asleep. For hours. It's ridiculous.
Census-Taker: No, it's not that ridiculous. Mr. Leonard, do you own or rent this apartment?
Mr. Leonard: Sure. You have to ask one of the other 79 people.
Census-Taker: You mean your wife?
Mr. Leonard: Yeah.
Census-Taker: Well, can I talk to her, then?
Mr. Leonard: She won't answer you. She's a bobcat.
Census-Taker: You got a bobcat in there?
Mr. Leonard: Well, I have a permit. [ reaches into apartment and pulls out a sheet of paper ] Here you go.
Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to run a nail salon.
Mr. Leonard: Wrong one! Wrong one! [ pulls another sheet of paper out of his apartment ]
Census-Taker: [ examines paper ] This is a permit to do street performances.
Mr. Leonard: Yeah. My wife's a big part of the act.
Census-Taker: [ shaking head ] You know what? Fine. [ changing subject ] Mr. Leonard, are you a citizen of the United States?
Mr. Leonard: I have dual-citizenship with the United States and Florida.
Census-Taker: Florida is a part of the United States.
Mr. Leonard: Don't push your politics on me, pal. All's I know is when I turned 50, I was issued a Florida passport. [ hands him the "passport" ] Here you go.
Census-Taker: [ examining "passport" ] Alright.. this is a novelty birthday card. And it says, "You're over the hill. Here's a passport to Florida." This is not a real passport.
Mr. Leonard: I don't know.. you know? Whenever I go to Florida, I show it at the border, and they always let me in!
Census-Taker: Listen, Mr. Leonard. A real passport wouldn't have a picture of a sexy nurse on it. This is a joke card.
Mr. Leonard: Well.. it's a hell of a forgery!
Census-Taker: [ exasperated ] Okay, let's just proceed as if this were going really well. Now, how long have you lived at this address?
Mr. Leonard: Oh, man! There you go with the numbers again!
Census-Taker: Just take your time.
Mr. Leonard: Well, what do most people say?
Census-Taker: That's not important!
Mr. Leonard: I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get this right. I want to win that car!
Census-Taker: [ shaking his head ] There's no car, Mr. Leonard! How long have you lived here?
Mr. Leonard: Alright, when I moved in, it was the Spring, and Clinton was President.. I'd just gotten out of jail.. I'd say an hour.
Census-Taker: Alright, let me go over this again, then. You are a convicted criminal, living alone in an apartment with a bobcat. And you work 56 hours a week as a street performer.
Mr. Leonard: When you say it like that, my life sounds pretty damn good!
Census-Taker: You know what? I've talked to a lot of people all over this country.. and your life is pretty damn good. You wanna get a beer?
Mr. Leonard: You know, I'd love to, but.. [ points into apartment ] ..you know.. the ol' ball and chain..
Census-Taker: Alright. Take care.
Mr. Leonard: Have a good one. [ returns into the apartment to find his bobcat/wife growling at him ] Again?! We just did it!
LOL... need to call NetFlix to rent the DVD, for a review...
I don't know about Walken, but his "campaign" website is definitely a joke. I found two typos without even trying hard:
We need to think about improving our underbudget educational system...
Forget the run-of-the-mill special-interest bureaucrats from capitol hill...
And this is just plain stupid:
...I need to be a good friend of stem cells.
Besides, he has that feminine, prissy little mouth. It always looks like he has on sweet pink lipstick. It's all I can look at when I watch a movie he's in.
Shallow? Sure.
COWBELL SKIT
http://mknx.com/v/cowbell.wmv
LOL.. who are these guys?
"Please don't leave yet, my fledgling little Robin!"
--The Continental
He's the cock of the walk.
I got a fever & the only prescription is more cowbell.
Never question Bruce Dickinson!
I heard that he was not happy being on the boat that night. Apparently, he was already dating his current (and long time) wife Georgeanne and was invited on the boat. I read that Natalie kept trying to flirt with him to make Robert jealous and Christopher was really uncomfortable and ended up going to bed (by himself) early. If what I heard was true, he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I've always liked him because he is a weirdo. At least he is open about it. He tells people on movie sets that he works with that it's his birthday when it's not just to mess with people. LOL.
That was on the Howard Stern show, right?
"Wow! Wowee-wow-wow-wow! You are too.. [ kisses woman's outstretched hand ] ..exquisite.. to leave so soon, you.. wof.. my arctic hush puppy! More champagna?"
Colonel Angus
Melinda.....Amy Poehler
Daddy.....Chris Parnell
Miss Anabelle.....Rachel Dratch
Farm Boy.....Jeff Richards
Bedelia.....Maya Rudolph
Colonel Angus.....Christopher Walken
[ open on exterior, Civil War-era plantation home, as members of a Southern family sit on the porch and reflect. A banner above the eaves reads: "Welcome Home, Colonel Angus!" ]
Melinda: [ sitting on the steps ] When's he gonna get here, Mama?
Miss Anabelle: [ setting on her rocker ] Anytime now, child.. be patient.
Melinda: Is he very handsome?
Miss Anabelle: [ chuckles ] He's been away at war so long, I don't rightly remember.
Melinda: Mama! Look! There's a carriage on the horizon!
Miss Anabelle: Oh? [ looking about ] Well, where, dear child?
Melinda: There! [ points ] Traveling down the road! Darting in and out of the cotton!
Miss Anabelle: Oh.. oh! Well, that must be the Colonel! Colonel Angus!
Melinda: [ excited ] Could it really be, Mama? Could it really be Colonel Angus?
Miss Anabelle: ..I don't know, uh.. We haven't seen Colonel Angus around these parts for years..
[ Daddy steps onto the porch, from inside the plantation ]
Daddy: Are you ladies out here talking about Colonel Angus?
Melinda: Yes, Daddy! I can't wait to meet him!
Daddy: Oh, watch out, Melinda! Once a woman is introduced to Colonel Angus, she'll settle for nothing less.
Melinda: Daddy, they say all the womenfolk just love Colonel Angus!
Daddy: Hmm.. I don't know why people make such a big fuss over Colonel Angus!
Miss Anabelle: I myself never much cared for Colonel Angus! He rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure why.. can't put my finger on it..
Daddy: Colonel Angus is an acquired taste! Bedelia!
[ Bedelia, the maid, comes running onto the porch ]
Bedelia: Yes, Sir?
Miss Anabelle: Break out some fresh linens, Bedilia! We're gonna have Colonel Angus here tonight!
Bedelia: Colonel Angus? I don't know nothin' about no Colonel Angus!
Daddy: Well, get ready, Bedelia. If I remember correctly, Colonel Angus can be very messy!
[ at last, Colonel Angus steps onto the porch ]
Daddy: As I live and breath! Colonel Angus!
Miss Anabelle: Oh, Colonel Angus! You old Carpetbagger!
Colonel Angus: Anabelle! I fear my visit.. is an inconvenience.
Miss Anabelle: [ laughing ] Nonsense, Colonel Angus! We're always happy to see your shiny face!
Daddy: Colonel Angus! What brings you to these parts?
Colonel Angus: I'm headed.. down South!
Daddy: Hmm. Of course!
Miss Anabelle: Uh.. how far south are you headed, Colonel Angus?
Colonel Angus: Ain't really sure. I prefer the Deep South.. I like the heat.. the humidity..
Daddy: Hmmm.. sir, I do not!
Colonel Angus: [ ] And who is this.. little rosebud?
Daddy: This is our daughter, Melinda.
Melinda: Colonel Angus. The pleasure is all mine. I've heard so much about you.
Colonel Angus: Well, my dear.. don't believe everything you hear.. about ol' Colonel Angus. Colonel Angus might be rough.. Colonel Angus might not smell like a bed of roses.. but, deep down.. Colonel Angus is very sweet.
Miss Anabelle: Well, we hope you'll spend the night with us.
Colonel Angus: Well, thank you, Miss Anabelle. And if I overstay my welcome.. just tap me on the head.
Melinda: I always dreamnt of the day.. Colonel Angus would rest his head at Shady Thicket. I always begged my Daddy: "Tell me stories about you and Colonel Angus!" But he never will.
Daddy: [ chuckling ] Well, that's because all of my experiences with Colonel Angus end in embarrassment!
[ they all share a hearty laugh ]
Daddy: Colonel Angus.. I hear rumors.
Colonel Angus: [ sighs ] The incident.. at Big Beaver..
Daddy: Yes?
Colonel Angus: It's true, I'm afraid.. ten men were lost.. and I suffered a great injury.. to my jaw.
Daddy: Is it true you've been stripped of your rank?
Colonel Angus: Yes! It is. There'll be no more "Colonel Angus", ladies. Call me by my given name.
Miss Anabelle: Oh, Anal..
Melinda: I so love the sound of "Colonel Angus".. but I guess I could give Anal Angus a try.
Colonel Angus: [ to a passing farm boy ] You there, Boy! ride into town and tell the Postmaster.. that if anyone is looking for Anal Angus.. to come knockin' at the rear entrance.. of Shady Thicket.
Farm Boy: Euuuggghhh..
Colonel Angus: If you'll excuse me.. I'd like to freshen up.
[ Colonel Angus turns, and enters the plantation home ]
Miss Anabelle: Of course! We'll call you when it's time to eat, Anal! Bedelia lays out quite a spread.
Melinda: Well, I think Colonel Angus is delightful!
Daddy & Miss Anabelle: Hmmm....
Miss Anabelle: You won't.. after forty-five minutes.
Daddy: No-o-o.. you can only take so much of Colonel Angus.
[ fade ]
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