Commandments for Politically Incorrect Living

Vanity Post ^ | 07/26/05 | Alan Burkhart

[neverhome]

Commandments For Politically Incorrect Living

1. Thou shalt have no nation before The United States of America.
2. Thou shalt always say "Under God" when reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
3. Honor thy Bush and thy Cheney.
4. Thou shalt not blaspheme against Microsoft or Haliburton.
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Corvette
6. Thou shalt use every tax loophole in existence, and hoard thy money.
7. Thou shalt not buy an electric car, for it is uncool.
8. Thou shalt not oppose drilling for domestic oil.
9. Thou shalt not try to "understand" weird people.
10. Thou shalt not have a sex-change.
11. Thou shalt not trust any man who weareth a diaper upon his head
12. Thou shalt not suffer a Chihuahua to live.
13. Thou shalt not use recycled toilet paper.
14. Thou shalt not worship the false gods of Global Warming, Zero Body Fat, or Animal Rights.
15. Thou shalt support our troops and their Commander in Chief.
16. Thou shalt be proficient in the use of a handgun.
17. Thou shalt not sue thy doctor over a hangnail.
18. Thou shalt not eat "veggie burgers," for they art unclean.
19. Thou shalt not atone for the alleged sins of thy forefathers.
20. Thou shalt speakest only English while on hallowed American soil.
21. Thou shalt spank thy children when they screweth up.
22. Thou shalt spell-check thine e-mails and instant messages.
23. Thou shalt visit FreeRepublic each day, for it is groovy.

[benjaminjjones]

2X. If Thouest Dost Perchance Happen to be Imbibing in a Beacon Hill Tavern Frequented by the "Most Honorable" Ted Kennedy or John Kerry, it Doth Be Thine Divine Honor Bound Duty to Invite the Subject of Oldsmobiles or Swift Boats.

[benjaminjjones]

Shoot! I could run with this theme, but TB took the lead from the Red Sox. BRB

[alarm rider]

It is most groovy!

[Pukin Dog]

Thou shalt hide the Guinness in the garage, using only the cheap beer for guests.

[Joe 6-pack]

Thou shalt not stune thy neighbor's beiber.

[RipSawyer]

Who's to say what is or isn't "cool"?>>>>>>>>

My question is why should I give a damn what is cool or uncool?

[Larry Lucido]

Yeah - thou shalt not abuse the Activism sidebar

You could go blind that way.

[mollynme]

Personally, I would substitute Chinese Crested for Chihuahua.

Now that is one dog that doesn't deserve to live. LOL

[neverhome]

Now that is one dog that doesn't deserve to live. LOL
How's about this one? :p

[Venerable Bede]

Hey!! >:(

I admit, hairless dogs are an abomination, but I love my Crested Powderpuffs.

[mollynme]

Are you sure that's a dog?????

[Blue Collar Christian]

"Who's to say what is or isn't "cool"?"

I am, for I am very cool(and humble too, if you can't tell)...and electric cars are not. People actually think the electric car does not pollute, just because it doesn't make poisonous fumes at a tailpipe, when the electricity used to charge the batteries is produced by power plants that do indeed pollute. Typical overlook of logic by liberal environmentalist zealots.

Plus, they look dorky.


File under "DUH!"

Hybrids are where it's at.

[Prime Choice]

4. Thou shalt not blaspheme against Microsoft...

You can't blaspheme an obscenity.

18. Thou shalt not eat "veggie burgers," for they art unclean.

LOL! Sooooo true!

[neverhome]

but I love my Crested Powderpuffs.

They're adorable!
Here's my (14 lb) lap baby...

[Venerable Bede]

You forgot to include Wal-Mart in number 4.

[neverhome]

You forgot to include Wal-Mart in number 4.

Thou shalt not goest to that foul temple of evil, Wal-Mart, for it didst close down the author's favorite K-Mart which was closer to his hallowed trailer park and had a Little Caesars inside.

[Venerable Bede]

They're wonderful dogs, but good luck finding one. They're both purebreeds (with papers) my mother got from an exec at Land's End. Katie is the white one - I wish I had a better picture of her. She's adorable. Cooper's fur has turned from that blonde color to a lighter shade since he got older.

[Venerable Bede]

Haw haw. I don't care for them myself and haven't been in one in over a year but I'm not going to jump on the hate bandwagon.