Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage

The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

[Tax-chick]

I want to make the case for the beta-male.

How many so-called "alpha-males" have the strength and courage to be a father (not a sperm donor, a father) to eight children? My husband does!

I tell my daughters, "No man is perfect, but neither are you, sweetie!" If you find a man who will be honest, loyal, and a good father, you can pretty much work anything else out.

[kharaku]

1, define macho man, you're already using stereotypes so it's best to define what you mean specifically.

2. Families in general have to work very hard, yes men and women, feminism has assaulted both the traditional work of the man and the traditional work of the women as hokey, and something to look down upon with distain. No one lines up to do something which they disdain.

3. Further, Feminism has insilled relentless man envy in women, feminism preaches the female is worthless should she act female and only useful should she be a clone of your aleged macho man.

The single biggest mistake America ever unleashed on the world was I'd-rather-be-a-man-ism (aka feminism), which preaches the removal of all things feminine from the modern world. The second biggest is that you are 'born gay', and that being gay is acceptable. This has grlified men, and man-ified women. It will soon lead to a rapid economc decline as well, the family was critical to American economic success, and without it, we will be in the realm of slow-growth europe. But we'll have a lot of tom boys and sissys who feel really good about themselves when they're unmarried pushing 50, and have no kids.

[Tax-chick]

Good for you for paying attention! We could use more "down home thinkin' ," and more "down home livin'," too!

[Aquinasfan]

Other duties: suffering with living with a bonehead

LOL! Pluses: your reward in heaven will be great. 8-)

[Conservatrix]

Most women I meet who harp on about how bad men are have the worst tastes in men.

Well you might be right, I did not make a good choice so perhaps my outlook is tainted. I did have some good Beta male relationships in the past and have one now. Infintely preferable to a bad Alpha anyday. Perhaps my taste will improve with experience.

[Enterprise]

"What made you select him in the first place?"

It might be something along the lines of water seeking its own level.

[Kelly_2000]

and you think that is limited to women? are you kidding?

[Lazamataz]

My mates always want me to change.

I'm usually assuming they mean personality.

But usually they mean underpants.

[najida]

My parents marriage was very dark and twisted (in the guise of 'traditional' marriage) with my mother being the doormat/housekeeper/parent and my dad being the pervy king of the castle. He made it abundantly clear that 'she' was his and we were usable and disposable. Toss in a little bit of religious zeal, an insane granny and it bordered on living in a Taliban like world.

Anyhow, my job was to help mom around the house, my brothers (and often mine and mom's) jobs were to help in the fields and on the farm. It was exhausting work. Made even worse because no matter how much we did, it was never enough. I grew up with images of trembling and crying near total collapse at the end of the day, trying to get the last of chores done. With my Dad yelling for her to come do something for him.

Maybe that's why I hate housework so much ;). Maybe that's why I have to watch other people around me to get a clue on what a 'healthy' marriage is, what a 'loving' father is or a 'normal' family.

I also know, through trial and lots of error, that I have the same degree of talent at being married as I do with housekeeping. Some folks can do it, others can't. I just watch and live vicariously through others.

[brownsfan]

"I dont think they are genetic at all, "

We clearly disagree on this point. And to support your arguement, you'd tell me that testosterone doesn't make a human, regardless of gender, more agressive?
I would grant you that aggression can be socialized. But the real, hard core, I want to beat your brains in at all costs aggression is generally associated with testosterone. Think I'm wrong? Try some. Or, perhaps you have?

[cjshapi]

If you throw them at the wall and they stick, you definitely need to change them!

[SandyB]

LOL!! You're hilarious. .. So , women's liberation means women will be more liberated and men less so?

The facts speak for themselves, women greatly outnumber men in college, and in nearly all of the grad and professional schools. It is only a matter of time before the old males in higher paid professions all die out and are replaced by younger educated professional women.

As far as men being less liberated, I cant explain it. I have no idea what men are doing these days, since they are not going to college, not going into the military, and so many factories are closing. It is the choice that men are making that males are not enrolling in college, or professional schools.

I am not saying women want this, in fact, most women want men who are better educated than they are, and who make more money than they do, but that will have to change, because in the future based on college enrollments, higher educated and higher paid women will simply vastly outnumber males by so much.

[najida]

EWWWWW!

[Kelly_2000]

,i>"feminism preaches the female is worthless should she act female and only useful should she be a clone of your aleged macho man."

Come on you know that is rubbish, feminism promotes no such thing. if you are describing anything it is an extremist viewpoint of feminism. Feminism promotes gender equality, anything over and above that is an extreme perspective which does of course occur in feminist ideology

[Lazamataz]

If you throw them at the wall and they stick, you definitely need to change them!

How about if I run them up a flagpole and see if anyone salutes?

After all, they have many colors in interesting designs, much like a flag.

[frgoff]

If you are working hard at household chores and meals with 8 children, I would suggest you might consider delegating some chores.

We have nine. My oldest makes breakfast every morning. All children do a complete cleaning of the house every Saturday morning before they are allowed to do anything else. The four oldest do all the laundry, including sorting, loading the washer, switching loads and folding. My wife just supervises. We have three in diapers still (one is special needs). My oldest changes the special needs, my second changes the two-year old, and my third son changes the baby.)

[Mulch]

For traditional Husband-Wife roles:

1. Calling kids' schools/coaches/doctors for various things: Wife & Husband
2. Shopping for household supplies: Wife
3. Getting estimates from contractors for the roof: Husband
4. Driving, driving, driving: Husband & wife
5. Sorting & prioritizing mail, banking and bill paying: Husband
6. Reviewing and updating family's investment portfolio: Husband
7. Managing family social calendar: Wife
8. Yard work and landscaping: Husband

Your responsibility now:
2 and 7.
1 and 4 are shared tasks.

[AmishDude]

I tell my daughters, "No man is perfect, but neither are you, sweetie!" If you find a man who will be honest, loyal, and a good father, you can pretty much work anything else out.

Nice idea but it usually doesn't work:
(a) She will not notice the flaws.
(b) Even if she senses some flaws, she will anticipate he can (and will) "change".
(c) If anyone disparages him, it will drive her even faster to him.

[SandyB]

you'd tell me that testosterone doesn't make a human, regardless of gender, more agressive?

It doesnt matter how much testosterone you have, if you dont have a college, law school, or medical degree - you still wont make as much money. Uneducated males with lots of testosterone will still be able to get jobs digging ditches to work off all that testosterone, but their paychecks will be lots smaller than women with advanced degrees and who are in management.

[cjshapi]

Long as you warn those standing downwind it should be okay.