Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage

The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

[AmishDude]

OK, but I don't really need to know. The point I really want to make is that what often makes some men appealing to women is precisely what makes them dangerous. I want to make the case for the beta-male.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

"You probably dodged a bullet."

I know I did. His outrageous spending was nearly a deal-breaker for us.

[Tax-chick]

Yes, one of our sayings is, "It's not a home if nobody lives there."

[Nov3]

The basic, simple, biological reality is that women need to be having children when they're 18 - 25 and not when they're 30-45, and they need to be able to do that without having to marry men who are ten years older than they are. If our society is going to survive, that has to become possible again. What we're doing now clearly does not work.

Unfortunately the economic realities are that the vast majority need two incomes to just live early on. Regardless of what anyone says food, shelter, clothing, and transportation have vastly outpaced increases in entry level income from 1960 on. You can post statistics until you are blue in the face but the vast majority of society is going backwards at an ever accelerating rate.

[Aquinasfan]

since women have expanded the labor market, the purchasing power of a single salary has gone down precipitously.

But this has come about largely because of the increased tax burden since WWII. In real purchasing power, the income of a one-breadwinner family in 1950 is about what it is now for a dual-income family.

[Tax-chick]

Very good comments, digitalman.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

Because of my sharp, logical mind?

That's a given, isn't it? ;-)

Seriously, I think it's great that you have such a large family. And your children are beautiful. I wish that I could have had a bunch more myself.

[Conservatrix]

Well then they shouldn't whine when they screw up the marriage.

You should change your screen name from "Bon mots" to "Bone Head."

[Nonstatist]

Women have to "change" to expect less from a man, to expect a less educated, a less paid partner. ..men will have to do the more meaningless tasks in a marraige because womens time will be worth so much more than a mans time. When a woman manager or physician or attorney or biologist, etc comes home from a long day at work making mega bucks, she will expect dinner and a clean house

LOL!! You're hilarious. .. So , women's liberation means women will be more liberated and men less so?

You might see this incidently, but I think its fair to say that if the human being who produces the offspring isnt willing to stay home and take care of them, there will be far less offspring. WHich is exactly whats happening all over the Western world.

The societies that promote "tradidionalism" in family life will be the ones that take over. Sounds unfair, but... thats life!

[YankeeGirl]

Position: Wife

Duties:

Cooking: Prepare one meal each day. Cleaning: Keep house in order. Vacuum and dust 1-2 per week, wipe down kitchen and bathroom daily. Laundry: 2-3 times per week.

Think you missed a couple of things.

You forgot calling kids' schools/coaches/doctors for various things, shopping for household supplies, getting estimates from contractors for the roof, driving, driving, driving, sorting & prioritizing mail, banking and bill paying, reviewing and updating family's investment portfolio, managing family social calendar, yard work and landscaping.

Oh yeah, many more women than men are volunteering in church, school and community activities. Count those hours in.

Now try doing all that and then add in the part-time or full time job!

[Nowhere Man]

While I agree with you, how do we reverse the trend of the current generation of men that want it all and want it now (McMansion, two or more cars, kids, electronic gadgetry) that require two incomes to support? You can't possibly blame the "wants" of one sex on the other. Granted, women can be willing accomplices in the "gimmies" but unless you marry someone that lives simply in the first place, how do couples get around the Two Income Trap?

Good points. I'm reminded of the time when we got our first color TV in 1971, I still vaguely remember the days when color TV was somewhat rare. My aunt always had a color TV as long as I can remember, I was born in 1966 and turn 39 this week on the 8th, she had one since the early 1960's when they were expensive, an RCA "roundie" (round screen). We had a 1959 Philco B&W TV, before our 1970 Zenith (I still have the Zenith BTW) so as I got older, I asked Mom, why didn't we get a color TV like my aunt." She said, "there was nothing wrong with the Philco until it started to go bad to the point to where we needed to get a new TV." I think that's it in a nutshell, in addition to being more of a selfish society, it affects all, men and women, we have become much more of a "keep up with the Joneses" society. People are apt to toss things inthe garbage that is still in perfect working order. On Audio Karma (AK), another forum I hang out on (I like old electronics), there was a story where someone put out an RCA Color-Trak TV, 1989/90 vintage so one of the AKer's picked it up to take it home to fix. He plugged it in just to see if it works and it worked perfectly but it was tossed, maybe to make room for a new TV. I know myself, I still watch our 1982 Zenith to this day (and hopefully get the 1970 Zenith back online), the same set since I was a sophomore in high school. I think we live too much in a greedy, throwaway society and this is part of the selfishness we have today.

[Sundown2005]

In the end, it's all about money and how much the divorce lawyer makes, isn't it?

[najida]

And altho I do believe people who don't want children because of the "sacrifice" they would have to make are very selfish people I do admire them for having the courage to admit it, and do feel sorry for them because they just don't understand that not having children is a bigger, true sacrifice then having them.

I have a couple of friends, and two siblings (and to a certain degree myself) who consciously decided NOT to have kids. It wasn't a selfish decision. Every one of them looked deep into themselves, their past parenting experiences and who they really are. They sincerely believe they would be bad parents and that a child deserves better.

You know you shouldn't be a parent if you know you have a quick temper, that you are prone to lash out verbally and evey physically when frustrated. That you are an extreme loner, or so introverted that a bomb could go off and you wouldn't notice. That you consistantly lack patience and forbearance. Yeah, it's a pretty brutal look inside yourself. You can 'fix' these things, but until they are fixed, another person shouldn't be the victim of your path to wholeness. And the end result is you save a child from yourself.

It's a pity more people don't think that way.

[kharaku]

Most women I meet who harp on about how bad men are have the worst tastes in men. Still if it weren't for feminism turning women into self centered pigs, and men abandoning masculism to get in touch with their feminine side (you know the one feminists purport not even women should possess) there'd be lot's of normal candidates for marriage. My advice for folks dissatisfied with the pool of candidates here is to look abroad to cultures that still embrace marriage. That does little to help the fact though that there's just tons of losers not fit for, or intent on marriage thoughout America and West Europe.

[AmishDude]

I wasn't placing blame, certainly the tax burden plays a big role. But it's also not a zero-sum game. The expansion of the labor market also increases productivity and efficiency, which also increases purchasing power. If every woman today were to quit her job, salaries for men would not double, either in dollars or in purchasing power.

[digitalman]

Yes, I have noted the Alaph males on the thread.

There are good cases why a bata male is better. Bata males can be more of a man than an alaph male, which you are correct alpha males can be a dangerous mate

[LongElegantLegs]

WELL PUT!

But you're going to get flamed for saying it. :-)

[Tax-chick]

Thanks for the compliments! They are beautiful, for some reason :-).

I'm sure I wouldn't have them all if I'd married a Navy man, though! I turned down those offers.

[digitalman]

Thank you, it has to do with down home thinkin' my long passed relative valued, lucky for me I was around before they passed!

[brownsfan]

"You should change your screen name from "Bon mots" to "Bone Head." "

I haven't been following your argument with bon mots, but I will make this observation. It is typical of the females I've been around to attack personally in frustration over an arguement. Arguing with a woman can be very dangerous if she knows anything about you. Women I have known, can, and will use any means available to them in a disagreement.

Even though it says:

Please: NO profanity, NO personal attacks, NO racism or violence in posts.