Posted on 05/03/2005 7:36:10 PM PDT by GeekDejure
Hello Freepers... it's Alex (GeekDekure) here...
Laura, my darling wife of 30 wonderful years, has been in the hospital, dying from the devastating effects of severe cancer. I talked to her on the phone at 5:00 this evening. I told her I'd be at her bedside on Wednesday morning at 11:00. In a quiet, muffled, fast breathing voice she said, "That may be too late!"
Later... at 7:45... I received a call from Laura's son, Mark. "Sorry to have to tell you, Alex... Mom died at 7 o'clock !!!"
Freepers... I really feel like a totally useless piece of sh!t. Good grief... I couldn't even be at my wife's bedside when she died !!! Eeeyuch... just another reason for me to hate myself... and no, I surely don't need therapy. I'll live with it privately until I eventually join her in Heaven above !!!
Laura and I are followers of Yahweh (the true Name of the Most High). And despite losing her to the cancerous infestation that finally overtook her ability to survive, I am still convinced that the Force ( Yahweh ) is with us !!!
click...click... Alex (GeekDejure) ;-((
There HAS to be a reason why she was allowed to go Home before you could be there.
And while you are in the mind-twisting/heart breaking agony of guilt, beating yourself up, condemnation of yourself, and abject grief....you WILL hear that Still, Small Voice, whispering to your heart/soul to calm what's raging and storming inside of you.
So very sorry for you. Don't blame youself and always remember the good times.
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother sat by my mom for days and nights and still was not there when she passed. But that is all it is, just like crossing the street, only it's got to be crossed when that particular light is green.
You will see your wife in the great beyond. It is all God's will.
You and your family will be in my prayers.
My heart aches for your loss. I've been married over thirty years, I will hold my husband a little tighter tonight. God keep you.
Socratic; RebelBanker; expatpat; GoLightly; mommadooo3; scottywr; zlala
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Thank you all for your prayers, your kind words, and your good wishes !!!
It may simply be that you weren't meant to be there. My dad passed away in January. My mom, my sisters, and I spent that last week tag-teaming in his hospital room. The Lord didn't take him home until after my mom had decided to go home for a few hours. We figure that He didn't want us to be there for the end. The same may be true for you. The Lord may not have wanted you to go through that last moment; especially when she was already in His care.
In short, don't beat yourself up. If the Lord wanted you there, you'd have been there.
You had thirty years and that's what matters, even though you're focused on the last few hours. Sadly, your wife had to go on to a better place because that cancer was making her suffer. I doubt she would want you to suffer over it and I know there was already enough suffering to go around as you all dealt with that disease.
Your wife sounds like she was a very courageous and strong woman.
God is holding you tight in his arms right now.
Trust in his wisdom.
FR is a family which I have come to love and appreciate. More than text on a monitor, I have discovered many depths of humanity. The best of wishes to you and yours.
Prayers sent from TX.
Please give it to the Lord, brother.
I am sorry for your loss...your dear wife has departed this physical world to be a part of something much larger.
"I am with you always"
Godspeed brother
Prayers for you, Geek, in your sorrow and loss...
There is really only one Comforter in the world. I pray that you will open your heart to that One.
Please post your replies to GeekDejure
Rest in Peace Laura
GeekDejure, My prayers go up for your family. God's comforting hand over you, and everyone who will mourn Laura's death.
Blessings,
trussell
If you want on/off my prayer ping list, please let me know. All requests happily honored.
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