How to Make Sushi [Dave Barry]

Maimi Herald ^ | Nov. 29, 1998 | DAVE BARRY

[nuconvert]

How to make sushi

BY DAVE BARRY

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Nov. 29, 1998.)

Today's culinary topic is: How to make sushi. I happen to be an expert on this topic because I recently put in a stint as a chef at an actual sushi restaurant. (One of the first things you learn, as a sushi chef, is how to put in a stint.)

Before I give you the details, I should explain, for the benefit of those of you who live in remote wilderness regions such as Iowa, what sushi is. Basically, it is a type of cuisine developed by the Japanese as part of an ancient tradition of seeing what is the scariest thing they can get you to eat raw.

The way they do this is, they start out by serving you a nice, non-threatening piece of fish, from which all the identifying fish parts have been removed. This fish is safe to eat and tasty. But the trick is that it's served with a green condiment called ''wasabi,'' which is the Japanese word for ''nuclear horseradish.'' This is an extremely spicy substance, the formula for which must never be allowed to fall into the hands of Saddam Hussein. If you put more than two wasabi molecules on your sushi and eat it, your hair will burst into flames.

So after consuming some wasabi, you naturally order a cool, refreshing Japanese beer to pour on your head and perhaps, since you have the bottle in your hand anyway, wet your whistle with. The result is that your judgment becomes impaired, which is when they start trying to get you to eat prank food, such as sea-urchin eggs.

Sea urchins are vicious, golf-ball shaped, poison-spined sea creatures whose sole ecological purpose is to ruin your tropical vacation by deliberately not getting out of your way when you are wading barefoot. If you eat the eggs of this animal, and fail to chew them thoroughly, you could develop an alarming medical condition that doctors call ``baby sea urchins walking around inside your body poking holes in your spleen.''

Other prank foods that they will try to get you to eat at sushi bars include eels, clam parts, jellyfish, tentacles with flagrant suckers, and shrimps with their eyeballs still waving around on stalks. If you eat those, the waiter will become brazen and start bringing out chunks of coral and live electric eels.

My point is that, in a sushi restaurant, you must watch carefully what you eat. (This is exactly what ''The Star-Spangled Banner'' is referring to when it says, ''o'er the clam parts we watched.'' )

Despite this, I happen to be a big fan of non-prank sushi. And so when Bok An, the proprietor of Sakura, my local sushi restaurant in Coral Gables, Fla., invited me to be a guest sushi chef, I enthusiastically answered: ''No!'' I was afraid that I'd have to touch an eel. I am 51 years old, and I did not get this far by touching eels. But Bok assured me that we would stick to basic fish species such as tuna, salmon and cucumber.

And thus I found myself one Tuesday night, wearing a samurai-style headband and standing behind the sushi bar, blending in perfectly with the other sushi chefs, except that my headband was actually the belt of my bathrobe. Bok stood next to me and prepared various sushi items, and I attempted to imitate him.

Here's the recipe: You start with a little rectangle made of dried seaweed (I asked Bok where the seaweed comes from, thinking he would name some ancient Japanese seaside village, and he said, ``a distributor''). Then you pick up a glob of special sticky rice and spread it evenly on the seaweed. At least Bok did. The majority of my rice remained firmly stuck to my hands and started migrating to other parts of my body. I may have to have it removed surgically.

Next, you cut up your ingredients, using a lethal-looking, extremely sharp sushi knife that causes professional sushi chefs to become very nervous when it is being wielded by a professional humor columnist. Then you put these ingredients on the rice and execute the secret sushi-rolling technique, which is difficult to describe in English words, as we can see by this actual transcript of Bok explaining it to me: ``OK, you go like this, Boom! Then you go, Boom! Boom! Boom!''

The thing was, when Bok went boom, he produced this attractive, appetizing cylinder of sushi. Whereas when I went boom, I produced this mutant food unit leaking random seafood parts. I also had a problem with my sizing: Sushi rolls are supposed to be small, bite-size morsels; mine were more along the lines of seaweed-covered hams. But I kept trying.

Remember the movie ''Karate Kid,'' where the mean bully beats up Ralph Macchio, but then Ralph studies karate under Mr. Miyagi, and then finally, in the big tournament, with everybody watching, Ralph stuns the bully by rolling a reasonably tight cucumber roll? Well, that's what I did. In fact, I may have a knack for it.

So if one day you walk into a Japanese restaurant, and you see, standing behind the sushi bar, what appears to be a man-size blob of rice wearing a blue bathrobe belt on its head, feel free to say hi. But keep your distance if I'm holding a knife.

[G.Mason]

"You just don't appreciate other cultures."

"Good, neither do I."

Bwahahahahahahahaha! ... ooh ... so sorry. That just slipped out. ;)

[G.Mason]

" ... But the Japanese would rather eat that one little hunk of raw bait than the 10 lb grouper, dredged in cornmeal and deep fried crispy brown like God intended fish to be eaten ... "

That did it. Now I'm starving!

I agree. Hell, I'd take that cheap side of the Tuna (cooked of course). You know, the side that (gasp!) touched the deck of the boat.

To each his own. ;)

[MotleyGirl70]

Yikes! Poor girl. She learned the hard way about eating sushi.

When it comes to wasabi, a little dab will do ya.

[Liz]

From one sushi fan to another. Maybe Barry should go to the California Sushi Academy in Venice Beach. Here's one of their yummy recipes.

CUCUMBER NORI ROLLS / Makes 12 cucumber rolls.

SUSHI ZU Bring to boil 4 tbl rice vinegar, tbl sugar, 1/4 tea sea salt. Cool offheat.

RICE Rice volume increases 2-2 1/2 times as it cooks. Short grain rice needs to be washed b/c of starch on the surface of each grain. Without washing, starch makes the texture and taste less palatable. Wash 2 cups sushi rice w/ care, in big bowl, washing gently w/ cold running water 10 min. Drain in colander, dry 20-30 min. Bring washed rice, 3 c water to boil. Reduce heat, cover, cook 15 min til all water is absorbed. Turn off heat, set 10 min. Place in lge bowl, pour over Sushi Zu.

CUCUMBER 3 cucumbers, peeled, seeded and sliced into long thin matchsticks.


SUSHI Place 1/2 sheet seaweed (nori) lengthwise, shiny side down on bamboo roller (or use sheet of saran). Place approximately 3 oz sushi rice formed into a bar in center of seaweed, going lengthwise, spread rice evenly, covering entire nori except for about 1/2" at top edge. Spread wasabi thinly in center atop rice, lengthwise from one and to the other. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top of rice. Then place couple strips of cucumber in center to fill the length of the roll.

Bring seaweed and rice toward you to edge of bamboo roller and holding the edge of the bamboo roller with one hand and, holding the cucumbers in place with the other hand, lift up the edge of the mat closest to you.

Begin rolling mat away from you, rolling over the cucumber and connecting rice to rice. Then stop to make sure you still have a 1/2" strip of just nori left over at
top (will seal roll). Lift edge of bamboo roller slightly and roll another 1/2" away from you connecting seaweed to seaweed and sealing the roll.

Gently squeeze both sides while pressing gently down on top w/ both index fingers. Cut roll in half, then turn one piece around so they are parallel to one another, line them up, then cut both pieces twice, to make 6 pieces. Cut rest rolls and serve.

[paulat]

Put some crab and avocado in it...and you have a California roll. It's usually the safest way to start out a novice.

I took a sushi course out here and it was some of the best money I ever spent. I make the best sushi now...for a fraction of the expensive price!

[paulat]

Put some crab and avocado in it...and you have a California roll. It's usually the safest way to start out a novice.

I took a sushi course out here and it was some of the best money I ever spent. I make the best sushi now...for a fraction of the expensive price!

[Hank Rearden]

Stick to quality sushi bars and you won't need to fear eating the raw options. And *all* salmon served uncooked must be deep-frozen first - that kills any parasites, and you don't need to worry about it. Raw salmon, from quality fisheries, is outstanding.

I feel a little less comfortable eating everything raw...so now I tend to get that phoney "crab" sushi stuff.

That would be "surimi", more properly referred to as "imitation crab" and usually made from pollock. In our area, the pollock is Alaskan and is turned into surimi in Anacortes, WA. Quite good, and makes the roll *much* more affordable.

At our sushi bar, whole Dungeness Crab meat is available instead of surimi, at significant extra cost.

Here's one of my new favorite rolls; the Orange Clownfish:

[Liz]

California rolls are great but have you tried crab salad rolls? Terrific....the newest crave.

So you say you're a trained sushi maker. So howzabout sharing some of your great recipes?

[paulat]

So you say you're a trained sushi maker. So howzabout sharing some of your great recipes?

YIKES!! I took one class...but I do have two hints for those of us on the Left Coast...get sashimi-grade tuna on sale...and use Marukan seasoned vinegar instead of messing with seasoning the rice yourself.

One other note...to my taste...tamari is much smoother than soy sauce for sushi...don't waste tamari in cooking...but when you have to taste it "right there," it's SOOO good.

[Bear_Slayer]

One of the MOST delicious and surprising meals I discovered- was Unagi Donbori. Barbecued ell with a delicious unique sauce, served over a bowel of rice. Here again, the best to be found was in a small neighborhood restaurant in a small town near Nagoya.

While stationed in Okinawa, I went on a date with an Okinawa gal; she took me to a local restaurant. We ate (drank) miso soup, rice and then barbequed eel. I believe the sauce was teriyaki.

It was the best japanese meal I have ever eated. I think mostly because of the atmosphere. I was the only white english speaking male in the small restaurant.

[Bear_Slayer]

Serious wrong move

my brother was engaged to a bimbo gal that he took to a business dinner. Roast beef and mash potatos was served; or rather she mistook the horseradish for mashed potatos. She helped herself to a large serving, sat down at the table and spooned into her mouth a large amount. She immediately spit it out onto the plate and didn't say a word the remainder of the evening.

Needless to say, they never married; the engagement did not last long.

[Liz]

Thanks for the hints----I use Marukan brand vinegars, and you are so right about Tamari----I use it instead of soy sauce for just about every Asian dish I prepare.

Japanese food market is an Asian Wonderland.....one I patronize has about six sushi bars and a couple full menu Japanase restaurants, in addition to being a supermarket, and kitchen emporium.....sheer heaven.....everything is made in Japan.

In Japan, serving and eating sushi is an ancient art. I am afraid we have lost some of the ceremony with sushi's achieving widespread popularity in the US.

[river rat]

Exactly!

It's really amazing how many Japanese are EMBARRASSED to introduce Americans to some of their food --- thinking that the Henna Gaijin (strange foreigner) will turn their noses up or make some stupid comment or insult...

Several Japanese Corporate Executives/Founders have expressed shock at my eating preferences while in Japan...and the dishes I've tried and like, and the places I've eaten.
They expect us to eat only the "Americanized" Japanese food -- but NOT the true native dishes.

My friends have told me that dishes vary by prefecture or restaurant in Japan... No two dishes are exactly alike -- especially barbequed Unagi or Unagi Donbori.. The secret is in the cooking technique/procedure and the sauce.. The judgment appears to support the decision that there is a very small Unagi Specialty restaurant near the train station in the town of Chiryu - Aichi Prefecture, not far from Nagoya --- that is HANDS DOWN the very best in Japan..

I've tried to find good Unagi in America -- and to date have failed. Even here in the San Francisco Bay area - with our large Japanese population, they just don't taste right... Perhaps you're right about the "atmosphere"and their excellent beer....

Semper Fi

[river rat]

Liz, In the Deli Section ofour Costco -- you can find large trays of ready made Sushi...

I've never worked up the courage to try it....
Afraid it will turn me against a dish I love.

Semper Fi

[Hank Rearden]

Liz, In the Deli Section ofour Costco -- you can find large trays of ready made Sushi...

I've seen those at Costco. And Safeway. They're sad and depressing; the opposite of what sushi is.

[Liz]

I can't speak to the desirability of Costo's sushi. Never had it. I would tend to avoid sushi made elsewhere then trucked in. Fresh-made is the best.

Now how to get into sushi? One thing about sushi is its infinite variety.


Best bet is to first try the type that has cooked ingredients. One of my fave sushi bars makes tempura sushi that is out of this world. It's a classic sushi roll made with seafood first cooked in tempura batter. Fantastic.


Any number of other sushi rolls have cooked ingredients.
Once you try the cooked type, you can then go on to the more exotic rolls.

[Bear_Slayer]

Perhaps you're right about the "atmosphere"and their excellent beer....

To this day, Sushu/Sashimi falls short without beer - especially Kirin or Sapporo.

[Arioch7]

Cool.

Arioch7 out.

[Experiment 6-2-6]

Sushi is OK in my book, but no fugu for me.

FUGU ME!

That was FanFUGUtastic!!! - Homer Simpson

Not to worry. There is map to hospital on back of menu.

[SamAdams76]

Maybe sushi is good for the people who live over in Japan. But here in America, the only people I see eating it is the yuppies who always seem to have to prove that they are upscale and trendy. These are the same people who walk around the office with those designer waters and they name their kids with designer names like Toby and Kaitlen.

I tried sushi myself and I wanted to gag. The only time I was able to keep it down was when I was at a Japanese restaurant (the type where they cook in front of you) and got to wash it down with lots of saki.

Saki. Saki good!